Do Not Forget

"Be careful that you do not forget the LORD, 

who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery." 

 Deuteronomy 6:12

Life is good right now- so good :) I have children, whom I adore and cherish. I surrounded by people who love me and lift me up. I love and am loved. 

I was talking with a friend the other day, who was telling me about some hard things in his past. I was telling him how far God has brought him, and how much God has lifted him up. And instead of agreeing with me, he told me "I never want to forget who I am, or where I came from. I never want to think 'I earned this, or did this'. God did this, and I have to remember my past, so I can remember Him." 

These are wise words. Right now, my life is amazing. I posted earlier this month that I had been waiting on God's sunrise, and it has come. It is beautiful, and glorious and bright! But that doesn't mean I should forget the dark times. This year was dark. This year was painful. This year was hard. It has been long, and there were times I wondered if God would ever fulfill His promises to me. And now that He has, His command is simple; do not forget Me. 

Do not forget where, or who you were.

Do not forget who healed you when you were broken.

Do not forget who gave you everything, when you had nothing. 

Do not forget who comforted you, all the countless times you wept. 

Do not forget who your rock was, when the earth seemed to crumble beneath you. 

Do not forget that I, your King, did not leave you. 

Do not forget that I, your Father, kept my promises.

Do not forget what I have done. 

I will not forget Jesus. I will stumble again, and I will wander from you- I am human and I know I will. But I will not forget what my Maker has done for me. You are the only one who deserves glory for all these good things. I pray that through my joy, Your name would be exalted!

 

Meet My Kids: Yahaya

I hope your heart breaks for Yahaya too

So as I write this, I am crying. I have been putting it off, hoping the situation would change and I could write a happy story for you, but that just isn’t the case right now. For the safety of A.P.I., and my own personal safety, I cannot explain what is going on with Yahaya. I need to respect the government here, and their choices on handling street kids. If you would like to know ways you can be praying for Yahaya specifically, you can  email me about it. What I can say is that Yahaya has been taken away from me right now. I believe that God is going to bring him back to me, and know that it is God’s plan for Yahaya to be in Joseph’s House. But still, it feels devastating and unfair.

Yahaya is possibly the most hopeless child I have ever known. Sometimes it scares me to see the vacant look in his eyes. He is 12, and has been on the streets at least 4 years. Where he came from, and what happened to him before the streets is a mystery. He is unwilling or unable to remember the details of his past. His life on the streets has been no better. He is small, and is beyond victimized, bullied, and beat down. Yahaya also has extreme trust issues- I mean extreme. He cannot trust that any adult can really love him, because in the past adults have hurt him so deeply. He has been in at least 7 homes, and has been unable to stay in any of them.

When I decided to open Joseph’s House, I began searching for Yahaya. It took a long time to find him, and he literally ran away from me the first few times we found him. He didn’t understand what I wanted, or why I was searching for him. He was terrified. And so I was facing the challenge of bonding with this little boy, and I had made a little progress. He no longer ran away, and even looked forward to meeting me. I brought him what he needed, and did everything I said I would (with Yahaya, you have to do exactly what you say you’re going to, else he feels like you lied). I think he even loves me, with the part of his heart that is capable of that. Even still, I know that Yahaya will run away when we bring him home- I will bring him back as many times as it takes, but he will run. He has never lasted in a home more than 24 hours, and at first I think Joseph’s House will feel the same. But I will go the distance to bring him home, whatever that takes.

Unfortunately, Yahaya went from a bad situation, to a possibly worse one. He was living in Kisenyi, where he was cold, beaten, assaulted, starving and sick. Now he is all of those things in a new situation, where I cannot even be with him. And I miss him so much! When I am out with all my other kids, its like there is a hole in my heart where he should be. His absence is painfully obvious to me, and it makes me sick with grief.

How beyond precious is he? Thanks for this pic Abby!

God loves this child. I love this child. You cannot help but love this little boy! He is precious beyond words. Yahaya’s life is a perfect example of injustice; his life, pain and suffering are the reason we are opening Joseph’s House, and what A.P.I stands for (literally). No child deserves a fraction of what he has been through. No child deserves to sleep on the concrete, under a trash bag. No child deserves to be abused, and live in constant fear of their life. No child deserves to starve. No child deserves to be abandoned. No child deserves to be beaten. No child deserves to be lost and forgotten. No child deserves a life void of love.

I hate that my children are on the streets right now. I hate that even when I bring them home, there will be countless others still living that terrible life. But I know that God is moving here, one day at a time. That His plan is perfect, and that He is the ultimate Father and fighter for Yahaya and all these other boys. Please join me in these prayers...

That Yahaya would not loose hope.

That all my little fighters would keep fighting. 

That God would bring Yahaya back to me (please God)!

That our mighty God would fight for justice here in Uganda. 

That Joseph’s House would be opened as soon as I get back to Uganda. 

That God would open the doors for Joseph’s House while I am in the US. 

That the Spirit would send love, joy and protection over all these boys. 

That Jesus would be the ultimate comforter to these children. 

That we, as Christians would never stop this fight. 

That through Christ, my kids will heal. 

That I can show them God’s love.

Meet My Kids: Waswa

Waswa, with his face painted on Beach Day

So I had said in Sabote’s post that you would get to hear about my 6th boy. Let me tell you about Waswa.

From the beginning, I wanted 5 boys. But I was in constant turmoil because there was always a boy on the periphery. First, I had wanted to take one of the boys currently in our Bombo homes, Enoch. Then some things settled down with Enoch, and I realized that he needed to stay in the Forever Homes. I felt peaceful, because I though God had brought the number down to 5, and that was that.

But the day after I decided about Enoch, I met another boy. He wandered into programs while the team was here. He was filthy, and strait form Kisenyi. Abby was the one who pointed him out to me. She told me his name was Waswa, and that he was really hard to get to know. He has a hard time trusting people, and in the years Abby had known him, he had only said a few words to her. That first day I tried to talk to Waswa, but he wouldn’t really have anything to do with me. I told God I was open to the possibility, but that God had to put me on Waswa’s heart too (I wasn’t going to take a child who wouldn’t even talk to me). The first two times I saw him, he never said more than “hello”, and I was starting to think that God had given me His answer.

Except, you know that weird thing when you meet someone, and then you see them everywhere? Well, after I met this boy (whom I had never seen before), I kept running into him everywhere! I met him in Kisenyi, and while walking around town. Strangely enough, he sleeps on the same street where Yahaya sleeps at night (which is this random little side street). So each night, as I went to see Yahaya and Sabote, I also ran into Waswa. We even took him to the hospital, because he had been sick with malaria for two weeks. But running into him everywhere isn’t the crazy part, the crazy part is what God was doing in Waswa’s heart. Over these little meetings, Waswa decided he loved me. This can only be explained as God, because certainty I didn’t do anything that Abby (or the rest of our staff) hadn’t tried. But still, Waswa trusted me.

So, God had answered me in a way. This child, who has trouble connecting with anyone, inexplicably trusted me. But I still wasn’t sure. I wanted that %110 feeling of peace and clarity that I had with my other boys. It happened that we were taking the boys to the beach the next day, and I invited Waswa. I told God “if you want him in Joseph’s House, place him on my heart tomorrow so I will be sure”. I prayed that over and over again that Friday night, knowing that by the end of Saturday I would be sure. But God is always bigger than we are, and He knows that making Waswa my child was a big decision. On Saturday morning, I woke up early. I wasn’t sure why I had woken up so early, or so

At the beach :)

suddenly. It was kinda a crazy, Jesus moment to be honest. I lay in bed, and waited to for something (I didn’t know what I was waiting for). And then, so softly but so clearly, I felt the Holy Spirit put Waswa on my heart. I know that sounds a little crazy, but its true! I know God woke me up so that I could feel Him do this in the still of the morning. So that I would be sure, and know that He had done it. One second I was waiting in the quiet, and the next my heart was full of a sure and unimaginable love for Waswa.

Waswa is broken, and it breaks my heart. Waswa has been hurt in ways I cannot even fathom. He is about 12, and has been on the streets for over 3 years. He is the ultimate victim, never fighting back, and he is easily bullied. Honestly, I don’t know how he has survived on the streets this long. Bad things happen, and his escape is to become invisible. He is the kind of child that can sit in a room with you, and you would never notice him. But God never lost sight of him, and now I see him too. Bless his heart, Waswa is sweet! He is the sweetest of my boys by far. He loves to be hugged, and needs me to hold his hand when we are walking. He finally has someone he loves and trusts, who loves him back. Because of this, his behavior has regressed to that of a very small child. He has never had someone to take care of him, and he has been longing for it. A few days ago, we took the boys to the zoo. In the taxi, Waswa held my hand the whole way, and he was sitting in the row behind me... At the zoo, he didn’t wander from my side.

Me and Waswa at the zoo

Waswa is quiet, and funny, and kind. He sees the other boys, and is a good friend. He is so precious!! I am so glad that I got to feel God place him on my heart. I am so thankful that God allowed me to see what He sees: to really see Waswa! See who he is, and what he needs, and all that God created him to be.

Meet My Kids: Kasozi

Kasozi a few months ago

 So I have posted about Kasozi before (read here and here) and I have known him a very long time. With the other boys from Joseph’s House, I am fully expecting God to transform their lives when they come home. But with Kasozi, I am watching God radically transform him while he is still on the streets. Recently, I asked one of our A.P.I.  uncles, Lawrence, to get Kasozi’s story. This is what it said...
“I was only 7 when my parents divorced. My mom couldn’t take me, so I went with my dad. He was in the military, and so he left me with my grandma. She couldn’t feed me though, so I went back with my father. He had already remarried at that time, and my stepmom hated me.

She abused me a lot. At this time I was 9. I am thankful now that God made me live with them, because the things I went through made me a stronger person. I am stronger today for facing those challenges. But after a year of living with my father and stepmother, it was too hard. I had to leave, because they were mistreating me so much. So I ran away to the streets.

Once I got on the streets, I looked for scrap and stayed in Kisenyi. I made friends for the first time in

Kasozi and me on our beach trip

my life. They couldn’t take care of me, or give me food or anything, but they loved me. It was the first time I had real friends. But I had been left by everyone in my life. I had never been loved by anyone [any adult]. I was yearning for love, because I had nobody. But then God brought me Auntie Kate, and Auntie Amy. And they love me. And because of them, I know someone can care about me, and I know God brought them to me. Now I know I am loved. I am so thankful for them, and for the works God is doing in my life!”

*Amy is another full time auntie here. She is a nurse from Canada. She has quickly become a very close friend of mine. Like me she absolutely adores Kasozi, and has a special heart for him. I would also like to note here that one of my previous Kasozi posts was called "Distant Calling"...I think God was laughing at that title, because it was only a few months ago. At the time I thought Joseph's House was years away! God's timing is perfect. Okay back to Kasozi...

Kasozi fills me with joy and love. He is so loyal, and such a good role model for the other boys. He used to fight a lot, and do lots of drugs. Now he never does drugs, and can control his temper very well. I haven’t seen him fight for a long time. He is going to be the oldest in my house, and is the perfect “older brother”. He doesn’t even know about Joseph’s House yet, but he already takes care of the younger boys. He corrects them, makes sure they are listening, and helps them resolve things when they are fighting. He has a special bond with Bashil, which is perfect because Bashil needs a stable role model in the house.

Kasozi chose to come on this night outreach, to protect me!

Kasozi belongs with me. He will stay in the house the shortest length of time. After about a year, I will put him in vocation and help him start saving for his future career. But he deserves this chance. He has been on the streets since he was 10, and he is now at least 15 (probably 16). This amazing child just needed to be loved! I know God is going to do amazing things with Kasozi’s life, and has already started unfolding his plans for Kasozi.


I am so excited to see where God takes him, and so unbelievably blessed to be part of this story :)

Meet My Kids: Sabote

I think God has built a special room in my heart for each of my sons. There is no room which is better than another, but they are all unique. They all have their own feel, and my love for each of my boys is equally special. God built these rooms in His own time and way. Sometimes they were instant, and sometimes construction took a few days or weeks. But for each of my boys, from the moment I lay eyes on them, God began making them their own forever space in my heart. The exception to this was Sabote...

Just look at that bright smile!

God built Sabote’s room before I ever met him. I knew I wanted to open Joseph’s House, and I knew
I wanted a certain number of kids (at that time 5, which is now 6- you’ll get to read about that when its Waswa’s story :) I wanted the hardest and most challenging boys. I wanted the kids who had been through the most, and who had no other hope. When word got out that these were the kids I wanted, I started hearing about a boy called Chenge. Chenge is the drug they do here, and when I child is nicknamed Chenge, it says something about the amount of drugs they do. So I began searching for this Chenge (who’s real name is Sabote). Sabote stays deep in Kisenyi. He is high all the time, and has no use for our programs. He has a solid community in Kisenyi, and has no reason to leave it.

My search for Sabote was an event, let me tell you! I told just about every street kid I knew that I wanted Sabote to come to Kivulu for street programs. I searched Kisenyi for him several nights in a row. I bribed kids, and had pretty much the whole street community looking for him. All of this started out as an attempt to meet him, and to find out if God would place him on my heart. But God did something bigger; in the time it took to find him, God was already building his room in my heart. After a few days of searching and praying for him, I realized I didn’t need to get to know Sabote; God had already given me my answer. Needless to say, on the day Sabote finally showed his face, I was overjoyed! I was at the church, and all the sudden a dozen boys ran in, shouting “Auntie, Sabote is here! Sabote is here!”. Sure enough, in walked this boy of about 12, looking very shy and also very happy. I walked over and introduced myself, and that was that.

Me and Sabote during a night outreach to Kisenyi

Sabote is charming. He is funny in that good natured kind of way. He has a genuinely sweet heart, and gentile disposition. He is honest. He doesn’t care what other people think. Sabote has been hurt a lot in his life. At only 12, he has already been on the streets 4 years. He has serious brain damage from his drug use, and is slow (I mean that literally, his movements are just delayed). But he is bright and happy and I love him. The best part is that even though Sabote has a hard time trusting people, God was also preparing Sabote’s heart for me. In my searching, Sabote learned that there was an auntie in Kivulu who loved him. I hadn’t met him, but I love him so much! And he knows that, and he loves me too. He lights up with a smile whenever I see him.

It is devastating for me to leave Sabote in Kisenyi each night. It breaks my heart to see him stay in that terrible place. There have been many nights I wish I could just bring him back with me. I know that day is coming soon, but it cannot get here fast enough. Sabote is my wonderful, precious little boy. God loves him more than I do, and I love him more than I can begin to say. Soon, I will not have to leave him alone at night. I will not have to worry about him being safe, or what he will eat. I will tuck him into bed myself, in his own room in our house. But until that day, I will love him with all I have. I will keep him safe within the walls of my heart.

Meet My Kids: Bashil

Bashil making one of his crazy faces!

If you were to visit our programs for one afternoon, you would notice a very small and VERY wild little boy. He is often making the most absurd faces at strangers, and has virtually perfected the “stink eye”. He can be found starting fights (many of them) or annoying the older boys. He speaks in a high pitched, extremely fast way, like the words cannot get out of his mouth fast enough. He probably has ADD... it says something that out of all the street kids I work with, this child’s behavior stands out as potentially ADD. But all that said, this little boy is maybe the cutest child you’ve ever seen! He says the sweetest things you’ve ever heard, and smiles in the most open and loving way imaginable.

Being about 8, Bashil will be the baby of the family. He is still so young in so many ways. He annoys the life out of his older brothers, but they adore him in that “only a little sibling could get away with this..” kind of way. Bashil still rubs his eyes with his fist, like a toddler would. He completely falls

Two hands make one heart :)

apart when he is hungry, and as his mom, I already recognize his unique “I’m hungry”, grumpy face. He falls asleep anywhere, pretty much as soon as he feels safe enough to rest. When he sees me, he runs and jumps in my arms. He is the only one of my kids young enough to pick up, or who I allow to sit on my lap. And Lord knows this child makes me laugh! I cannot help it! He has terrible manners, and we are working on his social skills. But there is no doubt, he is mine :)

I don’t know Bashil’s story, but I do know he has been on the streets a long time. I know he has been abandoned, and that he is still young enough to want a family. I also know he is way too wild for any home but mine. I know that God put him on my heart, and he fits there perfectly. Although Bashil is probably the most difficult of my children, in a weird way he is also the easiest. I don’t know how to explain it, maybe it is because he is so young.

Bashil and me after a day at the beach

Being his mom is natural (I am not saying it isn’t with my other kids; I really cannot explain it well). I recognize his behaviors, and while they are challenging, I can predict them. I know when he is tired, or hungry, or sad, or just needs a hug. I know when to push him to talk, and when to give him space to think. I know which battles to pick, and which to leave alone. While I have known Bashil a short amount of time (about 5 months), it feels like he has always been in my life. God has given me special understanding for all of my children, but understanding Bashil takes less effort than some of the others.


Jesus, thank you for bringing Bashil into my life, and into my family.
Jesus I praise you for the passion and energy Bashil has for life!
Lord, I praise you for making such a beautiful and creative child.

Father, I am beyond blessed by Bashil. Thank you for the honor entrusting me with his care.

Meet My Kids: Alex

Alex and me a few months ago

I think most girls dream of their children. They dream of the funny things their kids will do, and think about buying baby clothes when they pass through the kids section of  a department store. My version of this dream always looked a little different though. I dreamt of the day my child would join my family; meeting them at their orphanage, or watching them get off the plane. Letting them see their room for the first time, and meet their family. I have cried tears of joy over this dream. And still, God had a plan bigger than mine...

I am going to be posting a series of 6 “Meet My Kids” blogs. I will give pictures and stories for each of my boys. The first of these will be about Alex, because he was the one who started this dream. He was the first street child I broke for, really shattered for. The first one God put on my heart. The first one I knew God was going to bless me with someday, long before the Joseph's House dream even existed.

Alex is about 13. He has been on the streets longer than I even know. Alex cannot stay with his family (or chooses not to) because they practice witchcraft. They built a shrine, and he burned it down. Because of this, he was chased from their house, and has not returned since. There are rumors that he has been in many children’s homes, but nobody ever knows for sure. Certainty, he has never stayed in one for long. He has come in and out of my life for the past three years; but this time, he is staying!

The Alex I knew a few months ago was a terror (you can read about my heartbreak, and watching him struggle here). He was disrespectful, and picked fights with the other kids. He has learned how to survive on the streets, and he does it well. He is crafty, and can manipulate to get what he needs. He steals whatever manipulation cannot get him. I was watching the light leave this precious boy, watching that innocence disappear forever. When I started thinking about Joseph’s House, Alex was the first child I thought of. I loved him, and wanted him home so badly. That being said, I struggled with the idea. I was sure that God had placed Alex in my life for the specific task of raising him. It was going to take a strong bond, and deep love to raise Alex; I knew God has given me that love. But even with this love, I wasn’t sure it was possible. Honestly, sometimes I would just cry and cry, because I loved Alex so much, but thought he was beyond helping.

Alex last night at dinner.

But God new better, and I should have trusted my Father. I told God I would take Alex, with all his troubles and behavior problems. I told God I would do it, but I was so scared! But God provides when we are faithful. I stated above that the Alex I knew a few months ago was a terror- that is because Jesus is working in mighty ways in Alex’s life. Honestly, nobody can really believe the changes we are seeing! It can only be God. The Alex I knew wouldn’t stick around for a full afternoon of programs. He was in and out, never consistent. Today’s Alex never misses a program. He is at the church before programs start. He helps cook, and clean up after. He listens, and participates. The Alex of a few months ago only knew how to get negative attention; now he thrives on being good. Its hard for him, and I watch him struggle, but he is winning this fight! Sometimes, he will begin to misbehave. Before he really goes off though, he will look over at me to see if I am watching, and I will say “Alex, I know you want to be a good boy. I am so proud of you, because you are doing so well. Now please listen to me” and he will. You can see it in his eyes; its a wide, loving gaze. He can do this. He can do this because I love him, and he knows that. And maybe he trusts love for the first time- I praise God for giving me this connection with Alex. I praise God for never giving up, or never letting me give up. I praise Jesus for working in Alex’s life, so that being his mother is actually possible.

Sometimes the idea of raising him is terrifying, the idea of failing him is infinitely more frightening. The idea of not taking him in and loving him is the impossibility now... God has given me His vision, and I will not let go of this. I praise God for Alex.

I love him, and he is my child.

Love Knows No Bounds

So, as I posted previously, I now have 5 boys that God has placed on my heart. They are specific boys (Bashil, Kasozi, Alex, Sabote, and Yahaya) who are going to come into my home (Joseph's House) and be my children. The first three I listed are regulars at our programs, and I have known them a long time. The last two, Yahaya and Sabote, are not. These two boys live in Kisenyi, which is the worst slum in Uganda. They do drugs all the time, and therefore cannot remember when it is time for programs. Sabote and Yahaya are two of the most distrustful children I have ever known. They have been on the streets half their lives, and are wary of strangers (and rightfully so!). So in an attempt to connect with them, and begin building the bond/trust that they will require to stay in my home, I have been going to find them every night (and most days) this week. One of our uncles, Laurence, is the toughest guy I know. He has been going with me, and I have never felt so safe- not in Uganda, or anywhere else. Each night, we have been moving to Kisenyi and around Kivulu too. The reason we have gone at night is because during the day, the boys are looking for scrap. They are moving all around the city, and are hard to find. But at night, they settle down for a place to sleep.

The first day we started this, I wanted to meet Sabote. Although I didn't know him yet, God had spoken clearly to my heart that he was coming home. I told just about every street child I knew that I wanted Sabote to come to street programs. Exactly one week ago, I met the last of my 5 children. He came staggering up, totally high, but all smiles. I guess it feels kinda special to know that an auntie has been searching for you. That day, the team we were hosting took the kids swimming. He stayed the whole time, but was pretty wary of me. Before he left that day, I told him I was going to find him again soon.

In order to prove how much I cared, I knew I would need to reach out to them. So the next night, Laurence and me searched for them. We found Sabote and bought him something to eat, then continued to look for Yahaya. We searched for over 3 hours, and had no luck. The next day, we tired again, and ended up finding both of them. They were both happy to see me and Laurence, and we took them to programs and then to dinner. Because they are so distrustful, at dinner I told them why I wanted to see them. I explained that God loved them, and that I loved them very much. I told them I couldn't promise, but that I was going to do everything in my power to bring them off the streets. At this news, they lit up with smiles. After that, they asked me questions and I gave them new clothes.

Since that day, I have found them each night in Kisenyi. I will not pretend it has been easy. I have walked hours and hours this week looking for them. I have traveled to the most dangerous part of the city (which God prompted me to do, and I trust God to keep me safe) and been in crowds of the most dangerous people (poor Laurence has gotten in a few fights defending me. As he informed me, "I would die for you, I will keep you safe"). I sat with Yahaya in the emergency room at 11PM because he was sick; when he threw up on me and I didn't flinch, I knew I was a mom. My clothes are completely dirt caked (in Kisenyi, they sell coal and so the dirt is literally black). I am heartbroken, because each day and night I say goodbye to five little boys who are mind, and who should be home with me. I had to tuck my child in for bed, under a trash bag, on the concrete. I sat with him until he fell asleep, and I cried all the way home. Needless to say, I am exhausted, and this is just the beginning. But no heartbreak or hardship can even compare to the joys this week has brought...

-Watching them giggle together at the restaurant, that first night at dinner. Sabote had never had cold soda, so when the water condensed he freaked out, claiming his soda was leaking.
- Yahaya eagerly showing me where he sleeps, so "I can always find him".
- Sabote's face lighting up with a smile when he saw me in Kisenyi that first night I came to find him.
- Yahaya falling asleep on my lap, driving home from the clinic. 
- Praying with the boys before we part each night. Having both of the boys shout "we must pray" on the night I accidentally forgot.
- Sabote jumping and shouting in the street, trying to flag down a boda in the dark.
- Sabote, showing up at programs today on his own. He didn't bring his drugs, and it was the first time I've seen him sober. He even stayed all day.

**Please pray for Yahaya, as he has been harder to find, and less than eager to come to street programs. Pray that God builds the bond needed, so that he will stay in Joseph's House.

About 5 months ago, things were hard. My family has had a rough year, and I became a full time missionary. As I sat one night, totally broken by all the hard things I was facing, I told God I trusted Him.  I prayed..  

God, you are doing something new. And I cannot see it yet. But I know you have a plan, better than I can imagine. I know that You are bringing a sunrise. And while right now it is still dark, I know Your morning will be glorious. I will be waiting.

The sun has risen; and this sunrise is glorious.

Joseph's House

So over the past two weeks, God has cast an amazing vision for His Kingdom here in Uganda. I am so thankful for everything He is doing. He has once again called me (sooner than I expected) to follow Him. So here I go, and I am sooo excited! This is part of an email that went out to friends and family a few days ago. It explains my heart and God’s vision...

**When I came to Uganda, I had no intention of opening my own home. I feel know that I am supposed to be working with API. At the same time, there is a group of boys I am really drawn to. It is those boys who are deeply troubled; boys who do not understand healthy relationships or boundaries, who use lots of drugs, and who resort to fighting when they are upset. I have talked about it in my blog many times, but God always puts these particularly tough boys on my heart. Its a divine love, because its stronger and goes further than my own love. I see a light in these boys! They are the children who have been through too much, but who can make the greatest impact. They are the most caring, protective and empathetic people I know. They loved deeply, and lost greatly because of it. They are the boys nobody else can take. They are truly the least of the least, the exact people God calls us to work with in (Matthew 25:40). Each day I see these boys, who I love SO much, stare into their futures and grow more hopeless. And it breaks my heart, and it breaks the heart of their Father. 

The love for these children is huge on my heart, and I feel God pressing to get them off the streets. It is for this reason that I am following God’s call to help. The API staff and I have decided that I should start my own home, under API. I will still be working with API, and will be involved and supported by the ministry, but this home will be mine. Its going to be a home for a select few troubled boys. We are calling it Joseph’s House, because Joseph is a character in the bible that the boys can relate to. He went through so much, and God lifted him up.

Joseph’s House will be a home for 5 of the most troubled children I have ever met. These boys cannot go into any other home; nobody else can meet their needs. It is because of their specific behavioral needs that the number will be so small. These boys will go to school, and be involved in daily life at home. Joseph’s House will become a family for these boys, and I will be the full time house mother. I am going to be there for these kids 110%, even living with them. I will wake them up in the mornings for school, help them with homework after, take them to soccer practice, do devotions with them each night, and read them all bedtime stories.. In our house, there will also be a full time house uncle (who also lives there) and a cook. Because of the small number of boys, our staff will be able to develop deep and personal bonds with each of the children. The boys will also be receiving individual and group counseling once a week with a certified Ugandan counselor.

I believe that with a stable home, counseling, and the Christlike love me and our staff can offer, these boys can be rehabilitated. They will be in a safe place for the first time in their lives, and they will have parents who love them. The most important part of this is that it is God’s heart; I cannot stress that enough! God is the one who put these boys on my heart. He is the ONLY one who can really heal them. He is the only one who can equip me and the staff for raising these traumatized boys. He is the only one who can provide the funds to make it happen.**

I know many people will doubt me because I am young. People will question me, because there is no way for me to be prepared for all that is to come. But God is the ultimate teacher. And these are His promises to me..

When I humble myself before God, He will generously give me the wisdom I need- James 1:5

I should not be afraid, because God is mighty. He is my God, and He is always with me. He will give me strength, and help me. He will uphold me with His righteousness- Isaiah 41:10

I can do all things through him who strengthens me- Phil 4:13

So God is the creator of these boys. He is the creator of this vision. He is the creator of me. He knows what I need, and I know I need Him. Through Christ, all things are possible. I know that God is going to open the doors, hearts and wallets to bring His children home. And I am so, so excited and overjoyed to be a part of it!

A Wonderful Birthday

Today was my birthday :) Now, I have celebrated many happy birthdays in the US with my loving family, but I must say never have I had one quite like this...

We have a wonderful team here this week, and I am so glad they are here to serve with us. That being said, I didn't expect to celebrate anything today. I honestly was just going to ignore my birthday, because there are more important things going on. I was very surprised then, when we celebrated with the street kids.

At programs today, I realized Abby was organizing the kids to sing me happy birthday. This itself was a lot, and just having them sing to me was special. We had about 90 boys at programs today, so their birthday song was loud! After the song, Uncle Abdul had some of the boys come up and appreciate me. Abby had given some of the boys I am closest to presents (which she bought; two beautiful pairs of earrings, and THREE bouquets of flowers) that they were to give me. They got up in front of everyone, and told me how much I meant to them. They told me how happy it made them that I take care of them, and that they know I sacrificed a lot to leave my family and friends in America to be with them. They told me they love me. 

After the "official" presents were given, other boys started to get up. They came in front of the whole group to say how much I mean to them. After they spoke, they would come give me a gift. After a few of these speeches, the boys had permission to give me a hug. They all ran at me, like a wave of children, as swallowed me in hugs. They shouted they loved me, and gave me gifts. These kids don't have anything, but whatever they had they gave to me. One boy, Issac, had a new little toy. I don't even know what it is exactly, but he loves it. He had shown it to all of us at least three times that day already. When it was his turn to give me a hug, he gave me his new toy. It was the most precious thing I have ever seen, because you could see it was painful to part with. But still, he loved me, and that was the only thing he had to offer me (In case you're worried, I kept it and am planning on giving it back to him tomorrow. It would have been rude to refuse it today). They gave me the little money they had, and candy they had gotten, and food. I got broken watches, and crackers, and notes. Literally, whatever they had on them, they gave as a token of their love.

Let me just emphasize, my kids are AMAZING! My birthday gift was their love. They are the most giving, caring children I know. They are so special and wonderful and good! It is because of this that I love them so much. I am honored that they trust me. I am honored they know I love them. I am honored I get to share Christ with them. I am honored to be a part of their lives. They are beautiful, and I love them.

After programs me, Abby and Amy went to my favorite restaurant for dinner. I had delicious ice cream for dessert. Overall, it was a wonderful birthday. Seriously, I am so blessed.

I am blessed to have this life God has given me.
I am blessed to know these children. To be part of their lives, and have their love and trust.
I am blessed to have a best friend who knows what makes me feel special.
I am blessed to have so many other amazing friends and co-workers who love me.
I am blessed to have a family and friends in America who loves me too, and who sent me a lot of love today.

I am just blessed.

These Many Reasons

I write my journal as a daily letter to God. These are some of my recent entries...

11/1/12: Went to Kivulu with Amy today to hangout with our kids. It means a lot to them when we see them outside of regular programs. We found Kasozi and Able, and invited them to dinner. I love those boys SO MUCH! Uncle Laurence walked with them to Chicken Tonight and the whole meal, they couldn’t stop smiling. It makes my heart sing because they know we love them. While we were eating, a bunch of our little boys in Wandegyre found us. We bought them all chips (fries) and chicken. They danced outside the restaurant in the rain, causing a scene but totally making me smile.

11/2/12: At programs today, the boys were wild! And all the boys we met yesterday were in really good moods. Alex is back at programs, and it makes me so sad to see him on the streets again. At the same time, I am glad he is seeking us out so we can help/love him to the best of our abilities. Jesus, please give me clarity and wisdom in your plan for him. Help me to help him; I know that you haven’t given up on him. You still have a plan. Reveal it to me!
Often I love just watching all the boys interact. Outside the church, they were playing before we started. They always make me laugh. They fight, and steal from each other, and are also so giving and caring. God, you create only beautiful things, and these boys are so divinely crafted. It seems impossible to me that my love for them is only a fraction of Yours. Lord, how deep and how wide is Your love? Your mysteries are to great for me to fathom.

11/3/12: Out to the village for the weekend. Fred is settling in at home, and it makes me SO happy to see him safe here. I could see the smile on his face from way down the road as we drove up. He is so sweet. At therapy tonight, it was hard to hear the ongoing loss and pain these boy are dealing with. People have deeply hurt them, and I don’t understand how you could ever willingly look at their precious faces and aim to hurt them. Honestly, it makes me sick. Sometimes it seems too much, and to great for anyone to heal. It is at times when I listen to their heartbreak that I remember only You can heal. Father, we all need your love so badly. Only Your love can redeem, heal and comfort in the way each of these boys need (in the way we all need). They have come so far, but there is so much left to be done. Spirit, fall on these boys. Continue doing the work that was started here, so that my precious boys are whole. Let them all feel Your love tonight.

11/4/12: SO MUCH RAIN! Days like today are some of my favorites. I went to the older boys house in time for the sky to open up. It poured for over an hour. All the boys crowded in the living room. Teenage boys are way to hyper when its rainy... I don’t know what it is! Emma started singing, and little Bashil and Ashlaf were playing the drums. Monday and Shafik started dancing. When I say dancing, I mean it. Africans can dance! Its a full blown, no worries, no reservations, whole body kind of movement. They were all laughing and screaming and jumping, and I was laughing so hard. I miss the days when I lived full time with them, and I know that it will always be special in my memories. Still, being able to see them every weekend, and share in their daily lives like this is wonderful.
As I watched them, suddenly, it hit me so hard; they are the reason. I know that sounds silly- obviously they are the reason I am here. They are my ministry, and my kids. But its more than that. Watching them reminded me of a night, several years ago. Sitting in Kivulu, watching this same group of boys play at their house. Now teens, they were all just kids then, and I was just a visitor. But I loved them. Everything about Africa was new, really foreign, and kinda scary. But I knew the moment I met them, they were this piece of my life that had been missing. I knew they were the reason You had placed Africa on my heart, the reason I felt an urgency to go. And watching them then, just like today, my heart melted. Overnight, my life changed drastically. They are the reason You brought me here. Uganda is my home, and sometimes its hard. But I wouldn’t change it, or ever want to. These kids are the reason I am here to stay; I knew it the moment I met them... I could never leave them. God, I cannot praise you enough for this great love. For Your love for me, or the beautiful life You’ve given me. Its incredible...

For you Lord, there are 10,000 reasons for my heart to find :) 

This Family

So, Bombo is my getaway each week. I LOVE street programs, and hanging out with friends in Kampala, and all the things that go with living in the city. The boys on the streets are just as near and dear to my heart as my Forever Home boys (my heart breaks from loving them). But I also really love the village on the weekends. Its so relaxing for me, each week, driving out. I get to roll the windows down, and sing in my car. And the village is beautiful, which I also really love. Trees and grasslands, and sunsets and bright stars.
But mostly, I love the village because its where our A.P.I. family gathers. All our boys, our Forever boys. And all our staff, me and Abby and David and Amy, plus all our land aunts and uncles. And we have fun, and its family.

Last weekend was a super fun time. There was a huge rain storm, and it poured for over and hour. And all the boys were at our younger boys home, as well as all our staff (and wonderful visitors). We were out on the veranda playing cards, when all the sudden the sky opened up. Some of the boys decided to  jump on the trampoline in the rain, which is always fun. Then David decided to get in on the action. Within two seconds they were soaked through, but all having a blast. David then rallied all the boys to carry uncles Sam and Peter out in the rain, and pretty soon all our grown up uncles were jumping in the storm like children. It was so much fun to watch. The rest of the afternoon was filled with arm wrestling contests between boys and uncles, and other shenanigans. After awhile, the veranda was completely flooded with an inch of water, and uncle Peter decided to lead a “praise God for the rain” dance party on it. We turned on music, and all the boys started dancing...but they all kept slipping and falling because of all the water, and it was hilarious.

Everyone was laughing and screaming and it was a blast. And it made me so thankful, that we can have these homes. That all these boys can be rescued, and come into our family. That we can have a safe place for them, with people who love them. That they can be children! That they can play and shout and get dirty and wet; that they can be themselves. Its amazing what God is doing here, how He is building His Kingdom in our little village.

 In this small country in East Africa, God is very present. His love is overflowing, and through randomly assembled team of Christ lovers, He is changing lives. I am so blessed to be part of this adventure.

David and Monday wrestling

David and the boys dragging Peter out into the rain

Precious Regan, completely happy and totally soaked

All our boys (young and old) playing together

Breaking Again and Again

On Wednesday we did a night outreach. Me, Abby, David, Amy and two visitors went out at night to see our kids. We found them in Wandegyre, hopping around in the traffic. Its dark, and cars are going super fast, and here are my kids jumping up and down on the center divide. They are there hoping someone has a window rolled down, so they can beg for money.

We called them over, and talked with them for awhile, then they showed us where they sleep. They lead us down a super narrow and long alley, past all the shops and crowds. We ended up in a very shady party of the alley where there were no lights at all. There was a container (shipping container) that someone had abandoned. The boys had laid down cardboard there, and were sleeping inside it. I won’t lie, it smelled like a dog kennel and I saw a rat. But the worst part is that right across the way, in this very narrow alley, is where all the prostitutes sell. Already, they were out and had customers. They probably use the containers to do business, and certainly the boys are exposed to it every night. We gave them food and prayed with them. Then we said goodnight, and I went back to my safe and comfortable house. I slept in my safe and warm bed- but all night I thought of my boys sleeping on the cold metal ground.

My heart was broken all over again.

This heartbreak is unending. I see these things every day, and you’d think I would “get use to them” but I don’t. You would think I would understand that its “just the way things are” but I don’t. Its not right. Anger rises up in me- this is injustice. It feels like I am betraying them because I have such good things. And while I know I need to take care of myself so I can take care of them, it still feels wrong not to give more of myself (even if there is not much else I can give). My heart breaks again and again, every day. This must be how God feels- its miserable but its also right. If I didn’t feel this pain, I wouldn’t be suitable for this job anymore. Being shocked at the cruelties I see is part of what I do. It keeps my heart close to these boys, keeps my mind focused on what I am doing.

Today, I had an intense conversation with one of my boys. He was telling me about some really terrible things that happened to him, and how sad and hurt he was by them. He didn’t understand why these bad things happened to him, and he was angry. And watching him struggle with pain far greater than I have ever known, I felt my own heart tearing. It was like emotional pain was overflowing from his heart, and as I watched his tears, I felt my own start to fall. He looked up at me, and said “Auntie Kate, you shouldn’t cry for me. This is my pain, so don’t cry”. But he was wrong, and I told him so. I told him that he was my family, and the bible says we share things with those we love. We share joy and sorrows, and so his pain is my pain. And while I cannot fix or change anything, I can at least share his sorrows and help him carry this grief.

Some days I think I will shatter, but God is my glue. He holds me together, so I can break anew each day. While that seems backwards, I think its exactly how things are supposed to be. I see people every day who stopped caring. Their hearts became hard and jaded. They tricked themselves into thinking that the problems of the hurting are for someone else to deal with.

So I am grateful for my heartbreak, because it means I have a heart. 

Live Hard

I was talking with someone the other day, about how I could never go back from this place. I have seen to much, known to much to ever forget. The faces of the hurting and the broken are fixed in my mind, their names written on my heart. I made this choice, to come and live here and serve these children. I made it because I wanted to, because I was called to, and in that time I have never doubted the choice I made. No matter how hard things get, its my calling. But now it goes beyond that, because there is no turning back from here. Like I said, I cannot forget. And once things are known, it changes you. It breaks a part of you, and holds on to your heart.

At the same time, my life is so much richer now. I was telling the person I was talking with that I love Uganda, I love these people so much because they live so hard. In every way, life here is FULL! People wear the brightest colors, and listen to the loudest music. The lyrics are fun and all music here sounds joyful, even if its about something sad. All day I am breathing in the scents of the city, and they are bold. Sometimes so sweet, and sometimes extremely foul, they are always there. And the people here go all or nothing with life. When they love, they love. They care for each other and build one another up. When they hurt they hurt. They grieve openly, sobbing and wailing. They shout their pain for everyone to hear.

I feel like life is happening all around me, and its full and bright and beautiful.

So do I deal with things here that most Americans will never struggle with? Yes. Do I see heartbreak that kills me every day? Yes. Are there days when this seems so hard I cannot stand it? Yes. But would I trade it for anything? NO! I want to live strong, and hard and give all of me as long as I am here to give it. And while sometimes the task seems daunting, its okay. Because the shadows prove the sunshine, and this a beautiful but broken world. And for ever heartache I see, there is an abundance of joy and love that makes up for it 100X over. Sometimes its scary, to love people so much because there is so much to loose... but now I have known that kind of joy and love. I have known it, and its clear to me that this is the kind of life God wants us to experience. Full of hurt, and joy and love... once you have lived like this, nothing else will be enough. I want to live this one life I have all or nothing. I want to take advantage of what Christ did for me- He offers me life to the fullest. Life is now, and I am not just going to sit back and enjoy it. Life is not just going to happen to me... its to fragile for that. No, my life is not just going to happen to me- I am going to live it.

And I am going to live hard :)

You're Perfect

So I posted about it last time, but currently God has put a boy named Kasozi on my heart. He is a boy I've known for a long time, but its only recently that God called me to love him specifically. I would guess he is about 14 or 15, and he is really rough around the edges. He was resettled awhile ago, but ran away again. Sometime in his absence from our programs, he acquired a nasty scar across his nose; evidence he was having a hard time. He does so many drugs that he is high almost all the time and always has a dazed look on his face. And he fights a lot with the other boys. But unlike most boys, he doesn't just explode and go blindly swinging. When Kasozi fights, he aims to hurt, and he usually can. 

Still, one day he wandered into programs (I say wandered because that is what he does... he never seems to know how he got somewhere). He looked high and dirty as ever, but something in my heart changed toward him that day. I saw what God sees; a lost boy. As I observed him that day, my heart filled with love for him. He isn't just a troublemaker, he is so much more than that. He is a boy who has never had someone to be good for. Nobody has ever trusted him, or expected him to be the best he can be. But I do... I expect great things from this great boy. He still flights, and does drugs, but he also listens better. He comes to programs regularly, because he knows I expect him to be there. I expect him to behave, and so he is respectful during my lessons. I trust him, and so he is trustworthy. I wait for him to show up each day, and I greet him with a smile. He knows I love him, and so he is loyal. He is always near me, always watching out for me. I knew these qualities where in Kasozi, but he didn't. Sometimes a child just needs to know you believe in them. I believe in Kasozi :)

You can't even see his scar!

So for a solid week, I have been trying to take a picture of him. I have wanted to blog about him, but I wanted you readers to be able to see his beautiful face! But as much as I wanted this picture, Kasozi resisted. He refused to let me get a shot of him! It was driving me crazy, and so today at programs I asked Uncle Abdul to help me. Abdul called him over, and told him I wanted a picture. It was immediately obvious why he didn't want this picture taken- he kept covering his face and hiding the scar. It has become a pretty defining feature of his face, and so I never think about it. But for him, a street kid without access to a mirror often, it must look new and sad every time he sees it. The other boys picked up on his discomfort, and I felt so helpless as they made fun of him. It broke my heart, and made me so angry! I did finally get a photo, but he was so embarrassed it wasn't even worth it. After programs had ended, I decided to try again. I asked David to go and talk with him, and I explained Kasozi's discomfort. David went and talked with him, and eventually Kasozi came to me. He said it was okay to take a photo with him, and so I did. After I had showed it to him, I told him how much I love him and how he is exactly who God created him to be. I told him that I didn't see his scar when I looked at him; instead I see a brave and wonderful boy. I feel honored that he trusted me enough to allow me to take that simple picture, but I desperately want him to see what I see.

That he is beautiful. That he is good. That he is special. That he has talent. That he is strong. That he can do great things. That he is more than a street kid. That he is perfected in the blood of Christ. That he is God's masterpiece. But mostly, that he is loved. He is so loved! 

Please pray with me, for Kasozi. That he would see what I see, which is the amazing child that God created.  That he could see himself through God's eyes, and know just how loved he really is.

Distant Calling

I again hear God calling me forward. This particular call is still distant, and cannot happen right now. Nonetheless I have heard it, and am really excited about it. If you're a consistent reader of my blog, you'll notice that I go through stages of talking about one boy a lot. I love all of my boys beyond words (honestly) but every once and awhile there will be one that God puts on my heart a little harder than the rest. Its not to say I love these kids more, but God definitely places them front and center for a time.

They are the toughest cases; the most hardened, wild and broken. They are the ones that seem almost hopeless, and therefore God places them directly in my sight. The love He gives me for these particular boys is so strong- I would die for any one of my kids, but this love is fierce. I don't know how to describe it without sounding like they are favorites, because they aren't. They are just my focus for a time. I find it remarkable how faithful God is with these children. I can pour into them for a period of time, nurturing them and giving them what hope I can offer. And I pray for them- all day every day. And God takes care of them! Read back through my posts and you'll see what I mean. Last year, it was Eddy who is now in my care and at boarding. Then it was David, who is now in our Forever Home for the little boys, safe and with a loving family. And then it was Kato, who is also now in our Forever Home :) And of course, Alex... how can we forget Alex. God has answered a huge prayer in that Alex has been taken into a Ugandan family. I have never heard of a family taking in a random street kid, but this family took Alex. We (our staff) has always said that Alex needed a family, not a home but a personal family. God worked a miracle in that this loving Christian family took him in! I honestly cannot believe how great God is sometimes. Currently it is a boy named Kasozi, who is just as broken and (literally) scared as the rest. And yet I see a light in him, a goodness, and I am determined to help him bring that light out.

One thing I have learned this past year is that God has created me different than most people I work with here (or actually, than anyone I've ever seen doing this kind of work long term). I am emotional and sensitive. I feel everything my boys do. I absorb every detail of their story and experience it with them. And while this is good in some areas, its also a distinct disadvantage. While God has blessed me with the ability to read these kids very well, and be very in-tune with them, I also wear out faster. I am learning to balance my deep emotions and connections with these boys with personal boundaries that can make this work possible for the rest of my life.

I think God puts these boys on my heart because I am able to focus all of my sensitivity toward their needs. I cannot get them out of my head, or heart. I think about them all the time I am not with them, and my world lights up when I see them at Street Programs. God knows I work well one-on-one. I love being able to give a lot of my time and energy to one boy, to lift him up and love him. To help heal some deep attachment issues, and build a bond of love that they can count on. I get to do this with all our Forever Home boys, but not with all street kids because they move around a lot. But when God places one of these particular boys on my heart, I will search for them when they are not at programs. And every single time, I find myself wanting to take them home with me. I want to see them every day, and help them feel safe and loved. I want to provide for them, and be there to encourage them daily. Now, God has clearly spoken to me that I am not going to start my own home here. I have no desire to, and for these kids a home isn't what they need. They need family, and time and singled out devotion...

So here is the call, faint as it may be. Someday, I am going to be married, and have my own house (like Abby and David). And while I will need to be a part of ministry still, going to street programs and out to Bombo for the weekends, I will add another area of ministry to my personal life. When God places these particular boys on my heart, I am going to take them home. It will be more like foster care. I will not adopt, but I will be there day in and day out to love them. I will help them with homework, and cook dinner. I will work on personal attachment skills, and build them up. I am 100% sure that God is going to bless me with a husband who is equally willing to accept these boys into our life. They can stay with us until they are ready to move on (although I am not sure what that will look like, it will probably be until they are 17 and old enough to go to vocational school). They are going to take a more personal and permanent place in my life.

Maybe its silly to be so excited about something so distant, but I am. It gives me so much joy and hope to know that someday, I will have the privilege of doing this ministry. I feel like God is creating the perfect opportunity for me to use my skills and spiritual gifts.


God is beautiful.

Its All Okay

Last night at the younger boys home, two of our kids got in a fight. It was after I did art therapy with them, and they were all pretty tired. Add to that they hadn't had dinner yet, and a bunch of 8yr olds can get pretty grumpy. The fight was between Enoch and another boy whom I am going to call Champ in this post (its my nickname for him).

Champ is the smallest boy in our homes. Not the youngest, but definitely the smallest. He had a really hard time on the streets being so small, and because of that he has adopted the toughest demeanor of any of the younger (and most of the older) boys in the homes. Nobody messes with Champ, and nobody picks on him. I’ve never even seen him actually loose his temper, but his threats are enough apparently. He demands respect and attention, because that is the way he sees himself. A few weeks ago, I made a breakthrough with this little guy. See, he is not very affectionate because he doesn’t want people to see him as needy. He rarely seeks out attention from adults. But my breakthrough came when I had a moment alone with him. I asked him a lot of questions, and one of them was about ways he felt loved. Turns out he really needs physical touch- he just doesn’t want anyone to know it :) After that, we turned a new leaf and he became my little buddy. Sometimes he doesn’t even say anything, he just wants to be near me... and I love it.

So last night when Champ was in this fight, he got hurt pretty badly. Me and Uncle Peter came in the house to find him sobbing on the floor, holding his stomach where he had been kicked. Not wanting to cry in front of the others, he crawled off outside to be alone. I demanded that the other boys go inside for dinner, and then I followed Champ. I found him in a ball on the veranda outside the house, crying hysterically. I sat down with him, and pulled him into my lap; I knew I was doing something right because he didn’t resist. He continued to cry, and I just sat with him, rubbing his back and telling him it was okay. He had finally calmed down to the point I could talk to him, and so I leaned down and whispered words I think he has needed to hear his whole life...

“Champ, I know you are so so strong. You are brave, and tough and everyone knows how strong you are. But you know, even very strong people need to be sad and cry sometimes. And I want you to know that I will always love you, and think you are very brave. But you can always come to me, and cry and be sad or angry and tell me. And I wont tell anyone, I promise. But you should know its okay to be yourself around me”

As soon as the words had left my mouth, this precious little boy collapsed in a fresh round of sobs. He leaned into me, and let go, completely. He cried and cried until he was coughing and choking, and I just held him. And I told him I loved him over and over, and silently prayed for him. Eventually he cried himself out, and we just sat there in silence for a long time. When he was ready, we went inside and had dinner. Here is what was beautiful about this moment; I really think Champ had needed to feel that safety and trust, and it was maybe one of the first times he had. He has never been allowed to be a child. He had never been loved before he came to our homes; he was horrifically beaten by his father who left him to die. He has only ever known what it means to look out for himself, and that didn’t allow for falling apart. Or for being a child. Or for trusting another person.

We make breakthroughs like this every day here at A.P.I. We get to teach a child to trust, and to love. God uses us to heal. Sometimes my job is hard, and I feel overwhelmed pretty much all the time. But its all okay, honestly its all totally worth it. Because in moments like the one I had with Champ, true healing happens, and I know we are doing something really good. And I helped a beautiful little boy who needed to be loved SO badly.

I love my life :)

God = Love

So the other day I was in this shopping center buying DVDs. There is a particular woman I usually buy from, because she is fair and her movies are clean. I was browsing through the kids movies, and she asked me if I wanted some Disney movie (I think it was the Lion King). Without thinking, I told her “no, my kids already have that one”. It was no big deal, but after that she kept eying me, and I know she was thinking “you look to young to have kids”. She looked very concerned, and I was trying not to laugh. Although the woman doesn’t know the whole story, the truth is that these are my kids. These precious children are the reason God brought me to this place, probably why He put me on this earth. They are the delights of my life.

I know what it means to be fully invested in your children’s lives. I’ve felt that “2 am and my kid is super sick, what do I do?” panic all moms understand. I know what it means to hurt when they do, and beam at their accomplishments. What its like to desperately want to make a better choice for them, while knowing you’ve got to let them figure things out for themselves. I have had the honor of loving a child for the first time in their lives- to be among the first adults to cherish them. And while its sad, its also wonderful to be able to offer all of my heart to a little boy. That he gets to know for the first time an adult will love him forever, no matter what.

I know what it feels like to be amazed that you could possibly love someone so much- so infinitely deeper than you ever thought possible. To stare at a child and be at a loss for words because God created someone so utterly perfect and beautiful. And its kinda terrifying, and also incredible.

The other day, one of our volunteers did a devotion at street programs. She talked about John 3:16 and how “God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son” and it was one of those moments when you hear something old for the first time. I could quote that verse upside-down and backwards in my sleep. Its on bumper stickers and coffee mugs. Its great, and simple little summary of what God did for us. Except there is actually so much more packed into that verse, and we need to read it the way it was intended to be read. Its not a summary of what God did for us as much as its a summary of His heart and character. He loved His only son, the same way any parent loves their child; in that mind blowing, endless and all consuming way. And its God we are talking about, so whatever I can feel for my kids is only a small piece of the depth of His love. And even still, He loved us. Could you (parents reading this) make that sacrifice? I don’t think I could...

I love my kids because God gave me His heart for them. Because God loves them. And God loves me equally infinitely. And He loves the world, each person, that same way. And He loves His son. All this to say that I think that passage in John is really trying to convey one outstanding characteristic of our Father: His love is so deep and so wide we will never know the depth of it, because God is love.

Little Defenders

I think I am probably the safest American in Uganda. Honestly.

Recently, while at the church in Kivulu, I got some news that made me both very upset and angry. So angry that (to my complete embarrassment) I began to cry. Now, programs had not started yet, so the only boys around were some of the older ones. These are the "tough guys", who are sometimes distant and not openly affectionate. They don't particularly engage in conversation with me, and mostly keep to themselves. Trying not to make a scene in front of them, I stepped into our container to breathe (our container is a shipping container that we keep lots of things for our programs in; the inside is for "staff only"). While hiding, I heard a tapping at the door. It was the group of older boys outside; turns out I was not fast enough, and they had seen me crying. Instead of teasing me, or joking about how upset I was, they asked me what was wrong. The conversation went like this...

Boys (very concerned): Auntie, what happened?

Me: Nothing, someone just made me really angry and hurt my feelings.

Boys: Who was it? Tell us, so we can go beat them for you! We will make them sorry for this!!

Me: No, its okay. I just need a minute to calm down. I will be okay if I can be alone for a second.

Boys: Okay, we will protect you. Nobody is allowed in the container until you're done. We will guard you!!

After that, for the next 10 min, literally nobody was allowed in the container. Not the other boys (who were helping cook, or had left bags or clothing inside while they were bathing). Not the uncles, who were pretty frustrated at being locked out when they knew I was upset inside. The boys didn't bother me, they just guarded me. When I eventually did come out, they stayed close to me for the rest of the afternoon. They didn't really talk to me, but I know they were looking out for me.

Sometimes, people think that my job leads me to dangerous places. They worry that working with street kids puts me at risk; I assure you, it is the complete opposite. There is no safer place for me in Kampala then in the slum where I work. See, street kids are their own secret society. I am beyond blessed and honored to be allowed acceptance in it. Being their own society, they are very protective- after all, if they don't look out for each other then who will? Street kids may steel and fight with other street kids, but if anyone else dares get involved they are in serious trouble! This protection applies to me as well. Furthermore, in the slum where I work, most people know me. I walk down the street, and strangers shout out "Kate, you're welcome!" They know me, and my work, and why I do it. Men may make comments, but for the most part they are not disrespectful. Once, while walking to the church, a drunk man grabbed my arm. About 4 other guys instantly stepped in, and shoved him off me. They know I am there to help, and they respect that. Also, Ugandans are just kind in that way- they look out for each other.

But beyond the average Uganda, my kids look out for me. There is never a time I feel safer or more confident than while walking with a group of my kids. They know the city better than anyone else. They know who is good, and who is bad. They don't let people disrespect me. They would honestly fight till their last breath to protect me. They are mine, and I am theirs. I take care of them. I bandage wounds, and feed them, and read to them and play games. And in return they show me their love and appreciation in their own way.

They are my little defenders, and its the greatest honor they could give me.

New Faces, Old Faces

Me and Kato

So we’ve had some new additions to our family here! Last week we brought not one but THREE boys home :) Two of them are returning, and the third was a first timer.

The first boy is Kato Charles. Kato, now 14, had been in the home in Kivulu when it first opened. He was totally not ready to stay- he was so broken and unruly. He didn’t even last one night because he had to leave so he could get more drugs. But over the past few years, Kato’s transformation can only be called a miracle. Its hard for a boy who has been on the streets as long as Kato (I think his total was coming to 7 years) to really make a transformation. Usually, by that time the streets have hardened whatever soft, vulnerable places a boy has left. These kids go from trauma to more trauma, so the fact that Kato became instead more loving and open is amazing! He was the cleanest street kid ever, always trying to polish his shoes and wash his clothes. He devoted himself to our lessons, always paying attention and answering questions. Watching him over the past few months has broken my heart; I was watching the light of hope go out of his eyes (I blogged about him earlier this summer). I wanted so badly for him to come home, and I felt God assuring me he was going to be in an API home again. But knowing that, I was totally unsure of how or when. Sure enough, Abby called me last week and told me her and David had heard God telling them Kato was to come home. Honestly, my heart hurts with the joy I feel every time I see his beaming face at our home. He LOVES it, and he really deserved it.

The second boy was Enoch, who is one of the most broken kids I’ve ever worked with. I first fell in love with Enoch this past December. He came to programs one day sick with fever, and I spent the next few hours with him at the hospital as he was treated for malaria. He was so tiny, so breakable in my arms. Weak and sick, he just wanted someone to love him. But it became clear as soon as he began gaining his strength that he was tougher than he appeared. That is the word I would use to describe Enoch- tough. He is probably only 9, and skinny as a pole, but Lord does that child have fight in him! When I said goodbye to him in Dec, I knew he was not ready to come into the home. But my prayers were answered soon after, when Abby and David got back to Uganda in Feb. They heard that most of the boys in our programs had been brought by Enoch- he had spread the word! He was coming regularly, and participating and had great behavior. Looking hopeful, he was brought home.

Enoch in Dec, sick with Malari

Unfortunately, the adjustment was to much for him. He crashed and burned pretty quickly, and soon he was back on the streets. It broke my heart to see him back in the same place I found him in December. He was high a lot, filthy, and always fighting. He didn’t come to programs most days, being busy in the other slum (the worse slum) Kisenyi. It says a lot about the state of a boy, where he is living. There are “good” and “bad” places to live as a street kid. Wandegyre is the best place. The cleaner, gentler boys live there. Kivulu is the next level. There are tougher crowds there, but still most of the boys who live in the slum come to our programs, and we know them. Its still a much harder neighborhood than Wandegyre, but a lot nicer then Kisenyi. Now Kisenyi is the worst, and the most dangerous. Its where the boys who want nothing to do with us live. The boys who are content doing drugs all day, and fighting all night. Its to dangerous for us to even work in most of the time (even with escorts, its hard to do ministry there). Most new boys go to Kisenyi, but the ones who want help move into Kivulu or Wandegyre eventually. Its rare to backslide from Wandegyre to Kisenyi (like Enoch did). Praise Jesus though, because Enoch has shown vast improvement over the past few weeks. We decided he was doing well enough to come home again, and now he is safe and back in Bombo. Please continue to pray for Enoch, that he would be able to stay in our homes, and would not run again.

The last boy we took was Bob. I love this child a lot. Like Kato, God told me that Bob was going to come home, and sure enough he placed the same thing on Abby and David’s hearts. Bob is about 9, and the sweetest kid. He had been in our programs for some time, and was working really hard. He was always helping with organizing things, or doing dishes or serving food. We noticed Bob, and his good heart, and so did God. Now sweet little Bob is in Bombo. He looked so happy when he first showed up! He couldn’t wait to show me all the new shoes and clothes he had, and he made sure they were super clean.

I am so content these days. I am in love with our children. I am so joyful that our family is growing every day. I thank God for providing for these boys, and for bringing them to us. Even as we rejoicing here in Uganda, I know Heaven is also rejoicing. God’s precious children are safe and they are home.