Tu Mutende

Tu Mutende is one of my favorite luganda songs. Its called "we praise Him" in English. I praise my King for the amazing things He did in my last few days in Uganda.

Last time I posted, my two kids had run away. Little Bashil, whom I love and adore, was gone because he was angry at me. I was so worried and heartbroken, sure that the damage done my me leaving could not be fixed. I had little faith though, because God is bigger than me, and His healing is amazing. Two nights ago, the boys came home on their own (meaning they realized their mistake and wanted to be back in our home). Bashil apologized and said he did not like the streets, and that he was so sorry and would never run again. He wasn't even mad at me for leaving- he told me he loved me and continued to spend time with me up until the moment I left. This is remarkable, and seriously shows how far he has come from the broken, stubborn, guarded child that first came into Abby's home. God has done beautiful things in healing that child, and I am more in love with Jesus for it (if that is possible).

On Wednesday night, I went to my friend David's house (David who does the paper beads). We had a little goodbye dinner with some of the street kids I am closest to. It was an amazing night. Me, David, Uncle Mark, and about 15 of our kids sat in David's one room house. By candlelight, we read stories out of the bible just to entertain the boys. We sang and prayed for about 30min, and ate together. I got a chance to just share with those boys how much I love them. It was there, in that little room with candles, listening to David's rich African voice sing worship that I again realized how much I love my God. I love Him for being a King of all people, all languages, and all places. I love Him for creating me for Africa, and for sending me there.

Thursday night I took the boys at our home a special dinner. We ate together, and played some cards, and then I said goodbye. It was hard leaving, but its easier knowing I will be back in December. Even so, I was sobbing by the time I left. I know my boys love me, and I that God put them in my life to stay. In the 10 weeks I am home in America, I will be thinking of them and the street kids, every day.

One prayer request I have is that I would be able to serve God equally effectively for the boys while I am in America. That means not sinking into depression because I am not in Africa. Please pray that God gives me joy in serving Him wherever I am, because I know that His plans for me (even regarding my kids) do not end here. There is so much work to be done, so let my heart be willing :)

I am going to board my flight soon, but as I leave there are a few things that my heart is sure of. The first is that God created me for this- for working with street kids and living in Uganda. He made my heart specifically for this work, and I am so blessed to know that. When I get home, I am going to begin my application with GTN, and then spend the next few months gathering support to become a full time missionary here. The second thing goes along with that, and it is that Uganda is my home. I know that no matter how long I am gone from this place, it will always be my home. This is not goodbye to Uganda, this is just the end of the beginning. The end of finding my calling, and getting comfortable with the idea of being here full time. Now Uganda is my reality, and I am prepared and in love with the idea of living out what God has called me to do with my life!

Two-a-Days

Okay I know I just posted, it was morning for me, and now tonight I am posting again. I just really feel like sharing how I am feeling, which is a mix of many emotions and thoughts . . .

Its pouring out, and our boys did not come home all day, meaning that they are out in the cold right now. They are probably in the mud somewhere, because Uganda gets muddy in the rain. I keep hearing the gate and my heart jumps at the idea that my boys are home, but they don't come. I can't help but crying as I write this- I am heartbroken. Please, please pray that God moves in their hearts and brings them back to us.

Tomorrow, me and Abby are going craft shopping and spending the day together. I have been so blessed by her and our friendship. I am the kind of person who needs someone that I am CLOSE to, like, really good friends. When I left for Uganda, I did not know who that person would be, but I knew God would provide me with someone. That amazing girl is Abby. She is so wise, and fun to be with, and compassionate, and our hearts for the kids look very similar. I love working with her, but mostly I love being her friend, and thinking about the future of our friendship in Uganda fills me with joy.

I hate change. I hate the unfamiliar. I hate building my life in Uganda, and still living one in the US. It leaves me discontented and torn. I know that God has a plan, and I see Him moving the pieces into place, its just my timing is off. Whenever God is about to bring me into a new situation, I always resist. Its like He is urging me toward a great cliff, promising to catch me, but I dig in my heals. And then, there is always a moment when God moves not just in my life, but in my heart. Then, all the sudden I am ready. I know that before I go, as I pray and take comfort in my return, God will bring my heart to that point. I will still be sad, because the little loves of my life are staying here, but I will be ready. Not just ready to give into His plans, but ready to run and jump off, because even in my fear I know He will catch me.

Tears in the Sunshine

 Yesterday was the begining of goodbye. First, I dropped Eddy and one of the other street kids (Ibra, whom I ADORE) off at Alpha and Omega boarding school. Saying goodbye to them was really hard, because it was the last time I will see them until December. Me and Eddy both cried, which only made it worse. I felt like a parent saying goodbye as their child leaves for college. Then I got home and had missed the goodbye of the three boys in our home (Sadic, Peter and William) who are in P7. They had also left for boarding, and I am not sure I will get a chance to see them before I go.



Eddy, Me and Ibra (sorry the pic is funny)



Me and little Bashil have been in a sort of battle for the past few weeks. He is constantly trying to prove I love him, and I am constantly not meeting his ridiculouse expectations. Last night when I got home. he was in a really weird mood. He kept saying he loved me, but that I was a terrible person. He said I was not a Christian, that I did not really love the boys, that I had secret bad behavior and words. The list went on and on, and when he refused to leave my room, even by force, I started to cry. He finally left me to sit and clean up my overturned rice (which had gotten stepped on in our struggle) in the dark room (no electricity). Other boys ( Emma and Monday) came in, and helped me clean my floor, and comforted me as I wept from the stress of that day. I cried even harder at the contrast of their kindness in light of what had just happened. Jesus used two preteen boys to show His love for me last night.

After I calmed down, I went in and had a talk at devotions. I told the boys that I loved them so much, and that the Holy Spirit had given me love for them, so nothing they did could ever make me stop. I also told them that I was really dissapointed in the way they had treated me this summer, and that if they continued to treat other aunties like this (which they have done in the past) people would not want to come visit them. Mostly I told them I loved them, and I thought it went fairly well.

Thismorning I woke up to terrible news. Little Bashil and another boy had run away. They said it was for different reasons, but I know it was because of what I said last night. I feel super guilty, like its all my fault, and have spent the time since I heard this news in tears. Abby spoke truth when she said that we dicipline them like a normal family would, but these kids are just runners. She also made the point that I said what I said because I love them, because I want them to grow into goldy men. I still feel aweful, like its all my fault.

Jesus thinks what Abby thinks, because when I was doing my devotion today, I came across this passage in Hebrews. "let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from the guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water" 10:22

For me, today, this verse applies to the way I love the kids. I have faith that God will give me the heart to perservere. And I can be washed clean of my guilt because I acted in Spirit filled love. I have faith in God, meaning I am SURE of God. I know that God has everything in His mighty hands, and I am SURE He will take care of it. The next few days are going to be really hard, and I am not looking forward to them at all. I have no doubt that this is going to be the hardest part of my whole trip (even with the certainty I will be back). I have so much anxiety about leaving the boys, especially when my leaving makes something like this happen. So I will have faith in my King; being sure He will fufill what I hope for and certain His is in control of what I cannot see (or forsee).