Divine Love

On Monday, me and Abby were walking to programs after we had lunch. We had decided to walk around Kiseka Market instead of through it (for no good reason, especially since its the shortest way). About a block into our walk, we saw a little boy around 10 coming down the street. His clothes were filthy and torn, and he had no shoes. In his hands he held three empty water bottles, as well as a bottle of chenge- this little kid is one of ours. We stopped him and asked his name (Jude) and if he wanted to come to programs. He said yes, but we told him we did not accept drugs into our programs. Immediately, he dropped all the bottles he was carrying, and began to walk with us. A moment later, I asked him how he was, and he said he was "good!" with a huge smile on his face. That day Jude got a new haircut, juice and chapati, and our love.

I cannot describe the love I felt when I saw Jude walking down the street. It did not matter that I had never seen him before; I did not need to know him to love and accept him. It was a moment of instant familiarity and belonging, like he had always had a place in my heart and I just didn't know it yet. Its amazing to me what the love of Christ looks like, that no matter where these kids have been or what they've done, I love them. Sometimes they drive me insane, and sometimes I spend the whole day yelling trying to control them, but I still adore them. My heart lights up with passion and love whenever I see them on the streets, and I want to yell "I LOVE you!" to each little ragged child I spot. Like I said, I cannot even describe it, but I know that I feel this way because Jesus has given me a little piece of His own heart for these kids. And although I only have a small glimpse into His love for them, its still so intense. It both frightens me, and amazes me- the Bible is right when it says we cannot know the depth of our Fathers love for us. I honestly think it would kill me, so much love cannot be contained in a human (more proof that Jesus was who He claimed to be). What is more amazing is that God loves EVERY person He created like this- each one of His children is loved just as strong as the next. When Jesus found me, He called me by name. I was like Jude, lost in this world. Jesus saw me, filthy and broken and needing Him. And His heart lit up with passion infinitely deeper than mine- I was His, and He had found me!

I can only offer these boys (or anyone else) the love that Jesus has given me for them. And while that is strong, it is not enough. His love is deeper, and stronger and everlasting. His love is Divine, and in it, they are secure.

David Pics

Here are some pics of David coming home. The first one is me, Uncle David (the guy in the blue shirt), Abby and two of the boys (Dissan who is 12 and big Bashir who is about 15 ) welcoming David at the gate. David is the little one next to me. The second is me and David after dinner. He was dozing on my lap, and was shy so he didn't want to smile. But how darling is this child? I am so glad he is home! Today, he got placed in Primary 2 (second grade), and he will start next week. He hardly speaks any English, so I am eager for him to start learning. The other boys have been so welcoming to him, especially the older boys. Peter, our oldest, is 17 and it has been amazing watching him be a mentor and brother to little David. Even little Bashir, who is 9 and used to being the baby, has been doing super well. He has only had minor jealousy issues, and hasn't been too mean. All in all, I know that God totally has his hand over this, and it is His decision  :)

Praise Jesus!

About a month ago, a little boy called David showed up in our street programs; when I say little I mean it, he is about 6, and very tiny. He was so shy and hurting he did not look at anyone, let alone talk to them. I loved him from the start, but I couldn't break through to him. On the day we went to the beach with the street kids(remember that blog?) David was SO cold. He was shaking and exhausted from swimming, and he just needed a break, so he came and sat in my lap. Within 5min he had fallen asleep, leaving a big pool of drool on my shirt- it was adorable! After that, each day at programs he would come up to me and grab my hand, and hold on tight. And almost every day, he would take a nap on my lap at some point, because it was the only time he felt safe enough to sleep.

I deeply love all the kids in our programs, but God speaks in my heart about some particular boys, and David quickly became one of them. When a boy is that young, the streets can ruin them. Older boys pick on them, and abuse them all the time. People in the slums take advantage of them all the time too, and they truly are not safe. Within a few weeks of being at our programs, I began to notice a change in David. Instead of letting boys pick on him, he began to fight back, and fight hard. The other boys get jealous whenever I spend to much time with one kid, and they hated when David would nap or hold my hand, so they beat him and stole his things. Fortunately, David was still at the point that he would rather have attention and love, even if he did get abused for it, but it would not stay like that for long... soon he would pull away. About a week and a half ago, Jesus spoke clearly in my heart. He wanted David off the streets, and into not just any home, but an API home. Naturally, I assumed that since the new home we are opening is for younger boys, he would go there in about three months when it opens. The idea of him on the streets for three more months did not give me peace at all, but it was not my call to make. I did not want Abby to feel like I was pressuring her because we have no room in our home, and all the volunteers want specific kids off the streets, so I could not say anything (although I did hint a lot :). I knew if Jesus wanted him off the streets, then He would need to work in Abby and David's hearts too, because it was not my place to say anything.

Last night, I got a call from them. Turns out, the Holy Spirit had been working in their lives too. Abby and David (Abby's husband) realized that David  is a special and sweet kid, and that 3 more months could damage him beyond repair. We do not serve a God that wants His children hurting, and Jesus would not want us to wait before bringing David into a home. So, they told me, David was going to come home tomorrow :)

At programs today, Uncle David (who makes the paper beads, and may be the lead uncle in our new home- sorry there are so many Davids!), me and Abby told little David that he was going to come to our home. Its amazing to me how the kids react. They never believe us at first- like they have been let down so much, it will hurt to bad to become excited. David just nodded, and agreed that he did want to come into the home, but he hardly smiled at all. So Uncle David took him for his "special day" where he got to get all his new clothes, a new bed, sheets, shoes, and a special lunch. After that, finally, David came home! When he got off the boda outside the gate, all the boys were cheering and hugging him. I swear, it still amazes me at how small he is- he is a baby. Inside, he gradually warmed up (it was overwhelming because we had the team that is visiting over for dinner, but it was good because they took lots of pictures which I will post soon) and by the end of the night, he was giggling, smiling and hugging all the boys, aunties and uncles. When I went to tuck the boys in bed, he was chatting away with the kids in his room, and was so excited to be sleeping in a bed- watching a child transform from a street kids to a kid with a family is a miracle in itself, and it is wonderful.

God saved David from the streets today. Bringing him home, I was reminded of two things. The first was that our homecoming to Heaven will be much like David's was today- we will have our family there, with the Father waiting for His child to be safe in His eternal kingdom. There will be rejoicing, and the pain of this world will be over; we will be safe, and we will be HOME with our Father who loves us! Secondly, its such a blessing to see how much God's love can heal. Jesus did this my friends, not me or Abby or David. The Spirit worked in our hearts to provide unity and a safe place for this amazing child. Jesus provided the love we have for him, and it will be Jesus who heals him from the trauma he experienced. Today was just the first step in that long process, but it was a big step. The hard part is over: Jesus does rescue the lost and the hurting, and David is safe now, because David is home!

"I will sing to the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. May my meditation be pleasing to Him, as I rejoice in the Lord!" - Psalm 104:33

Above Reproach/ God is Moving

There are some things that I do not want to share with Jesus, but at the same time, am honored to be able to say "I understand what He was thinking". In Uganda, being white makes me stand out a lot. When I go out, people are always watching me. They notice how I dress, what I say, where I go, and how I act. When I am at home, the boys are always watching me- even when I am alone in my room, there are often little faces peeping through just to check on me. Here, people see the color of my skin and they immediately assume that I have money. Someone is always asking for something, needing something (sometimes its strangers wanting money, and mostly its my kids needing attention). By the end of the day, I have nothing left to give. I am emotionally exhausted, as well as physically. I used to think I just needed to "suck it up" and keep giving, but awhile ago my friend Cara made a good point. She said that Jesus knows what I am feeling. Wherever He went, people noticed Him. He was always being challenged, and the Pharisees were always waiting for Him to slip up. He had to preach from a boat just to get some breathing space- I know that feeling!! It was such a comfort for me to realize that God really does know what I am going through, and He understand that sometimes its just to much, and I do need time ALONE with Him. Mostly, I am in awe that Jesus would limit all His mighty power into the form of a human, just to experience life like I do. It makes me appreciate that sacrifice all over again, and now I know the reason as well as the price of living (or trying to live) above reproach.

Day by day I am more in awe of how much God moves in this place. When things are desperate, and there is no other way, you can really see God's hand. Today, I got to tell Eddy that I am sending him to boarding school in the fall. Its a really nice Christian school, and it will be so good for him. He was SO excited, and so was I. God put all the pieces into place for me, and its given me some peace about leaving him here in Uganda. At least now I know that he will be in a safe place, with people who care about him. Abdul, who I also blogged about, has been taken to boarding also! Little Peter that lived with Uncle David got taken to the African Hearts home (where Abby used to work) just today. That is three boys in better places in just a few days. Tomorrow I will have the most exciting news ever, but I cannot say until it happens (because I have Ugandan friends who also read this blog :) But people, its a HUGE PRAISE and I cannot wait to tell about it!!!!!!!!!!! Abby and me were talking yesterday about how amazing street kids are. Once they get into your heart, they will not leave. I often feel like I am working in a secretive society of lost boys. These kids do not let anyone in or trust anyone, and yet somehow God has given me the privilege of loving them and being loved in return. They are amazing, empathetic, smart, crafty, and so sweet. But as much love as I have for these kids, only Jesus can save them and change their lives. Only He can heal the deep hurt they have, and He is. Every day, I see His love healing boys who were so broken, hurting, lost or angry. His love is soothing, saving, and bringing peace, blessings and joy to these beautiful children.
Even as I write this, my two Ugandan friends are in my room praying over the ways God is working here, and my heart is glowing and overflowing with love and praises to Jesus!!!

Teams, Kiseni, and a Change in Plans

Wow, I have been SOOOO busy the past few days! We had our second team here, but this team was with us for a full week. Can I just say that it was such a blessing to have them serving there? They were a team of high school kids from Chicago, and they poured all their love and energy into our kids for the time they were here. The first two days they worked on the new land in Bombo, building our new home. The boys from our house also went, so the team got to bond with them. The last few days they went to street programs, as well as had a party at Grace House (which was such a blessing to those kids because they don't get fun things like that very often). It was great having others pour into the kids, and into the staff. I now understand the importance of teams; although it was an exhausting week it was also such a blessing, I cannot even say. If any team members are reading this, thank you so much for all you did!!
On the last day the team was here, we took the boys to a slum called Kiseni. Its the worst slum in Uganda, with the most street kids. Each time I think God cannot break my heart any more, He finds a way. We run our programs out of a slum called Kivulu, and while there is extreme poverty there, it is nothing like Kiseni. There, drugs are soled openly on the streets. I was surrounded by street kids, all of them inhaling chenge (jet fuel to get high), some of them so drugged they were falling over. The ground is all black from where people burn trash and scrap (to get any of the plastic off the metal). There is open sewage in the streets, and it smells awful. We met kids with horrible soars, and cuts that reached the bone. In Kiseni, nobody advocates for the street kids, meaning that the kids are tougher (less open to love, and possibly more in need of it), and more abused. People use them for labor, drugs, and sex (I am talking about kids too, not even teenagers). Kiseni is a picture of what the fallen world looks like, and its devastating. When I left, my heart actually felt heavy, and I was so emotionally exhausted that I wanted to break down and sleep/cry for hours. Almost all the boys from our home came from this slum, as well as all the kids in our street programs. When I think about the boys that I love and care about living there, it makes me sick. Nobody, especially no child, should ever have to see that, let alone live it. I am learning to really appreciate the importance of hope in the eternal, as well as looking forward to when Jesus makes all things new.
Onto other news- I have prolonged my stay awhile. Its not finalized yet, but we just found out that a team is coming in late August, and Amanda will be gone. I have been praying for weeks that God would provide an answer for me (without school, I was so torn on if I should stay). I decided that the only reason I would stay was because I was afraid; afraid to renter American society, afraid to be away from my boys, afraid of being disconnected from the ministry, afraid of what comes next for me. But God tells me not to be afraid, and so to put my trust in Him, I decided I would come home in August like I had planned (having no idea if I would be back). But I serve a King of abundance, and He blessed my choice. After almost a month of no peace, I finally found it. I know that the ministry needs me, and I feel God's blessing over my decision to stay- or actually, all the sudden I KNEW that the way to find peace was to stay. It was clearly God speaking to me, and it was awesome :) Soooo I will be staying only about 20 days longer than I had thought, and will be coming home around early/mid September. I have also been talking to Abby about my involvement in the ministry back in the states, and I will write more later, but its looking like API and me are going to have a long and wonderful future together.
This weeks thoughts on Jesus:
In my moments of weakness, and in the middle of this brokenness, I am reminded that I serve an awesome God. I serve the King of Kings, the Alpha and Omega. My God will never let me down, He does work miracles, and is the God of wonders. Sometimes to prove His mightiness, Jesus needs to take away all other options, but its in those moments that He is best glorified. Praise Him- Amen

Little Updates

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I didn't realize how long it had been, but honestly things here are happening so fast and time just zooms by. First I should say that I got REALLY sick; like I thought I was sick before. Nothing compared to this time though- it was a bacterial infection and now I am on antibiotics and feeling so much better (I thought I was going to die- I was just sitting at the clinic crying because my body ached so bad). But now I feel super fine. Other things to talk about? Abby and David are back in ministry. I think the transition is going to be a little hard for everyone to adjust to, but I am SOOOO glad to have them home. I super missed having them around, and I love this awesome, godly couple who adore these kids so much. We are having some major problems with one of the boys in the home, and he had the choice of either shaping up his attitude or facing some life changing consequences. If people at home could say a little prayer for him, that he would be able to change in the time we gave him, because I really love this boy and don't want him to be hurt by his stubbornness. Another prayer request is that we would find a new way to meet with the kids on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The pastor of Grace Fellowship Church in Kivulu has told us we cannot meet those days in the church, meaning that we are canceling those days of programs. They are my favorite days because they are so relaxed, and its nice to see/ feed the boys every weekday. We have a team coming tomorrow, and I am really excited to be able to introduce a group of high school kids to Uganda! Blaa... so ya, those are all my little ramblings, daily life over here. Each day, I fall in love with my kids more and more.There are a few new boys at programs  (its really like 30 new boys, which is such a praise!!!!) and one of them is called Joshua. He is only 6, and has the most adorable little giggle you've ever heard. Its hard seeing any child on the streets, but the little boys are the hardest. Its so obvious he needs a mother, and so much more. All I can do is love him as hard as I can, for as long as I can, and trust that God will provide the rest. Because God is good, all the time :)

Beach Day

we took 35 of the kids from our street programs to the beach in Entebbe. It was so much fun! These kids need fun things to do, and they deserve special treats sometimes. The beach we went to has fun statues of important people, and big airplanes for the kids to play on. It was difficult keeping track of them, especially considering there were seriously about 10 schools there (we even forgot one of the boys at the beach! Thank God street kids are crafty, because he just jumped on a school bus and headed back to Kampala- that's our kids for you!!) The boys enjoyed the water, and they had music there too. By the end, there was a huge dance circle and most of our boys were showing off their skills- they are amazing little dancers too :) It was a very chaotic, very fun day and I am so blessed that we were able to provide this little escape for them.

they decided to bury each other, for fun and also to get warm

Duncan sitting on the King of Buganda's lap

The Obamas are loved by Ugandans

This is Abdul (I talked about him in my one of my recent posts)

Overwhelmed

Jesus, I am totally overwhelmed. Lord, I know you love these kids more than I do, and it must kill you to see them suffering. I feel frustrated at the amount of hurt and pain I see here, and instead of blaming you for it, I will join you in hurting for them.

For some reason, this past week the task before me has seemed so overwhelming. I cannot help all the children here who need help. I cannot stay with them; I need to come home eventually. I cannot give them all the emotional and physical support they need. This alone would be overwhelming, but the fact is that the street kids of Kampala are just a few of the millions of hurting kids in today's world- and that is the part that breaks me. I am just a speck in a world of hurt. I know I am doing God's work here, and I am loving these kids the best I can, but it is not enough. Now, a year ago (even a month ago) I would have said that only Jesus is big enough for that job. While that is true, it is also a lie we tell ourselves. The fact is that Jesus asked His followers one thing- "Do you truly love me?" John 21:15. He did not ask if we felt affection for Him, or if we trusted Him to take care of things. His last question was do we really, truly, deeply love Him. If the answer is yes, then we are to take care of those He loves. Jesus gave US that job. I am not just talking about Americans, or missions work, or feeding the orphans. I am talking about Ugandans caring about each other, Christian everywhere providing for one another, and what it really means to love your neighbor. If everyone who loved Jesus did these things, if we all took care of His sheep, then the task would not seem so large for any one person. I firmly believe that God can move without us, but He has chosen not to. The bible says that to really love God means to give it ALL away for Him. So why do we read those verses and feel content with our comfortable lives? We should feel very uncomfortable because the sheep that our Shepherd loves are lost, sick and starving. If we care about Jesus then we should care that His heart is broken over these things. The question I am wrestling with tonight is a hard one (for me too) so readers don't hate me...

If we are fine with the broken state of this world, are we taking care of the sheep that Jesus loves so much? And if we are not, then do we truly love Him?