The Secret Ingredient is Love

Abby’s parents were in town this week, and they are amazing! On Monday, after spending some time in the city, the 5 of us (me, Abby, David and her parents) went out to the village to visit our Forever Home boys. That night, Abby had the idea to cook a Mexican meal for all the boys. At 8:30pm me, Lauren and Abby assembled in the tiny kitchen to begin. We realized we would need a little help, since we were running late. The boys all jumped in right away! Drissa, Mondae, Emma, Masoke, Ibra, Amos, Ashlaf, and little and big Bashil all squeezed into the little kitchen with us, grabbed knives and got to work. It was so fun, all of us in the little kitchen making Mexican together. Me and big Bashil got to work on the guacamole. We cut avocados, and debated the best way to dice them (my way being superior, obviously :) We chopped and sliced tomatoes and peppers, and added about a cup of salt. Cutting the onions made us both cry a ton, which was funny because we were both sniffing and dabbing our eyes every two seconds. Overall the meal was good, and the boys really enjoyed it, but the best part was cooking it with them. There is nothing quite like bonding over a little charcoal stove. Our little tiny kitchen, crammed with people, was overflowing with laughter and love.

The next morning (which was actually earlier today...) we all got up and headed over to the younger boys home. Abby’s parents bought the boys a trampoline, and all the boys had gathered to play. Abby got out a ton of card games, and we all broke into groups playing various games. Mondae got out Memory Match, which I LOVE, and we played a few very intense rounds (for the record, we tied twice, and both won once). Abby and little Ibra (who just joined the house a few days ago!) got out Go Fish and me and Mondae played that as well. Playing with Mondae was great- we laughed and laughed and were super competitive, but it was okay because he knows how much I love him.

Doing anything with a big group of the boys is fun for two reasons. First, because they are (mostly) teenage boys, and they just make me laugh. They do and say funny things all the time. For example, when making dinner, Emma decided he was going to make a song about guacamole, which was great because he could hardly pronounce the foreign word. Listening to him sing, and the other boys chiming in with their own renditions was hysterical. Its also fun because I know them all so well. I know their personalities and hearts, but like any “parent” I love discovering new things about them as they grow up. I have poured into their lives for the last three years, and am especially close to all the older boys. I can joke with them, and not worry about offending them. Its easy to be with them, and I find my time with them to be really relaxing. Honestly many of my fondest memories here are lazy Saturdays and Sundays spent like yesterday; just hanging out, doing nothing but building relationships and pouring into these kids. I love those boys so deeply, and am so proud of them, I cannot say it enough.

Tonight at dinner, we were commenting on how far the boys have really come. How drastic their healing is. Some of these kids honestly looked hopeless when they first came home. They were so broken, their attachment so dysfunctional it looked beyond repair. I think a few of them would have become true sociopaths if they hadn’t come home. They would have grown into men who beat their wives or girlfriends, and left their families. They would have become drunks, or gang members. Now they are growing into men of Christ. They have love and respect for women, and are going to make great fathers. Sometimes I hear people say they don’t believe God preforms miracles in the same way He used to. Those people don’t see what I see. Our boys are a miracle; God saved them, and His love is healing them. People should stop looking for miracles like bread falling from the sky, or seas to part (not that God couldn’t do that). Our boys are healing one day at a time. The changes are small on a day to day basis, but looking back at the past three years, they seem unreal. If you really want to see God preform miracles, try looking at the small stuff.

Humbled

Okay, so I have been gearing up for and preparing for the camp that we are having this week. I have been prepping for it for months, and praying about it for equally as long. I have been so excited for this team to come, and to work with them. And I wanted to be at camp to see what God did with all the preparing,  to see what came of the work we put in. God had other plans....

On Monday, after a weekend of gather supplies and getting last second materials, we loaded up and headed to Entebbe. I wasn't feeling super well in the car, but had felt worse in my life. I praise God that I was able to see the moment the boys arrived. They RAN out of the buses, doing flips and jumping. They came plowing into our staff, doubling us over with hugs, their smiles ear to ear. That moment was glorious, and I know it marked promise for the week to come. It was a good thing I saw it too, because it was one of the few moments I was going to experience. About an hour after their arrival, I was sleeping in our van still feeling pretty sick. I decided to go back to Kampala with Abby and Lauren and Pastor George to get still more supplies we forgot (also for me to get antibiotics at the pharmacy). The drive made me feel better, and I had a more positive outlook when we got back to Entebbe 4 hours later. I put my stuff in my room, and hung my mosquito net. I was staying in the compound with 100 boys, and sharing a bathroom with them. Within 10 min of them using it, it was to gross to even walk into. I was also sleeping on a foam mattress with a stiff wool blanket to cover me, and my room was occupied with mice and a few bats. Now, all of this would be totally doable if I had been feeling better- honestly I wouldn't have cared. But at about 5 pm on Monday night, I began to feel significantly worse. I spiked a fever, and I was getting sick outside in the grass about every hour all night. My body hurt so bad that I could hardly walk except to run outside in time. I was laying in my bed, talking to my mom on the phone, having trouble keeping track of our simple conversation because my mind was fuzzy with fever. So not good, I was super miserable. The next morning I walked out of my room, threw up, burst into tears and asked Abby to take me back to Kampala.

So here I am, in Kampala, and not at camp. Its Thursday, and even though I am feeling better, I know I am not going back. Why do I know? Because this was God's plan for me this week. He used my illness to humble me. I am super disappointed that I am not at camp this week, but I have spent even more time praying about it and over the boys. I am reminded of a few things.

First, that I am not the sit back kind of person. I like to get in there and get dirty- hence moving to Uganda :) But God is still working, even when I am not around. He was with these boys long before me, and He will be there only salvation long after I am gone. I am joining with His plan, allowed to be a guest on this mighty adventure He is having.

Second, I am called to serve these kids in any way I can. I made a promise to God, that my love for these boys would always come first before my own desires. I have accepted that my working with them will lead me away from them sometimes, but that is okay. I wanted to be at camp, but God wanted me in Kampala praying for them. I wanted to see what happened with the team that I prepped for, but I don't get to. If someday God calles me back to the states to work and send money back to the boys, I will do it. It would mean that someone else gets to be here, day in and out, loving them. The boys wouldn't see me at all, but they don't need to. My job as a servant isn't to receive love or recognition for what I do. My job is simply that- to get the job done. Jesus never asked for recognition, but He is rewarded beyond all others for the truest form of servant-hood. May I be like Him.

Third, I praise God for perfect timing! Next week, Abby and David are going to Tanzania and I will be here alone and leading a team. If we didn't have a team here this week, I would be forcing myself back to street programs. I would push through because nobody else is around to take care of the boys. But as it is, I can really rest because we have a team of 15 amazing international volunteers who have come to love the boys. I have peace about resting, because I know that I can.

Lastly, I am reminded that as long as I love God, I have worth. As long as I give Him the whole of my heart, and the reigns of my life, He will use me. It may be in a way I didn't see coming, or even don't love, but I will be used. Prayer is important, and those boys need it. I wouldn't have the time to sit and pray for them if I was running around with them. So I will sit before the Lord, and be still.

Moments of Significance

Right now, I am watching lightning illuminate the night sky. It flashes white over the city, and for a moment the beautiful Kampala hillside is revealed. God really blessed this continent with outstanding beauty.

Today, the team from Providence arrived. They are an amazing group, and over the past few years they have put on a week long camp for the boys. This year, we are taking 100 street boys away to Entebbe to stay at an overnight camp. The team is going to run V.B.S. during the day, and our staff is going to handle them the rest of the time. I am especially excited about this for many reasons, but one particular.

For one week, we get the chance to really serve 100 children. 100!!!!! At a normal weekly program, we serve around 70 boys. During the time we are loving them, they are worrying about what comes next. They have to think about what they will eat next, how they will make money, where they will sleep, what will happen to them at night. They are not safe, and therefore cannot hear our love, or our Fathers love properly. But for one week, we get to provide safety for them. They will be warm, and have beds. They will have full bellies, and showers, and a 24/7 staff who just wants to love them.

Next week (really starting tomorrow) I am going to pour all of me out. I am going to bandage endless wounds, serve hundreds of plates of food, and help with a thousand crafts. I am going to cheer for a dozen soccer games, and monitor the pool every second for children who cannot swim. I am going to rub the backs of countless hurting boys, and wipe away every tear that falls. I am going to listen to each mouth that is desperately calling out for my attention. I am going to trust that God will overflow my cup with patience and compassion, which are the marks of His love.  Mostly, I am going to watch God move.

"My greatest fear is that I will become significant in something that has no eternal purpose." 

My friend Lauren shared that quote with me, and honestly, its a real fear in my heart. I am terrified that the things I do on this earth will not bring significance into eternity. What good am I if all I accomplished ends with me. What good is it, even if I am remembered, if it will not matter when those who remember me are gone. It counts for nothing. Again, I am struck my the meaninglessness of wealth, a name that is known, even acts of charity which are empty of God. What does it matter?

Every day I strive to accomplish something that God smiles upon. I will never know what these acts do on this side of heaven, but someday God will show me. I want to hear God say " you loved me when you endlessly loved Kato, Drissa, and Bashil" or "when you fed Alex, Hassan, Vincent and Yahaya you also fed me". Next week I believe, there will be lots of these moments. Who knows what conversation, or act of compassion is going to drive home the love of Jesus.


God, let my each day be pleasing to you. Do not let me waste these breaths You give me, or this life I am blessed with. I pray this for all your believers; that each day we would accomplish something for You and Your kingdom. No matter what the cost, may my life reflect purpose. May it be filled with acts that carry significance into eternity.

The Heart of Justice

Injustice is a symptom of sin. I see it all the time; our brokenness expressing itself through the abandonment of those God loves. At the center of justice is the cross. At the heart of justice is Christ.

I gave up my American life to serve Christ here in Uganda, and still I feel its not enough. Right now I am sitting in my room, on my nice bed typing on my computer. Outside, its cold and somewhere dozens of boys I love more than anyone are sleeping on the ground. Their bellies are empty, their hearts are broken and numb, their minds are hazy. Some of them are probably being abused as I write this. And my heart is breaking, is broken anew. I have talked about him a lot lately, but I honestly cannot get him out of my mind- Alex.

Alex is a beautiful, captivating child who has been hurt so badly he holds the world at arms length. He is troubled, and the example of a street child. He is dirty, and rough. He knows to much about this world, and sees to much for his little eyes. He is lost... so lost. And yet when he looks at me, he stares up at me with these haunting big eyes that somehow still capture the innocence that should belong to him. There is still a child in those eyes; they still hold the wonder that comes when discovering the world. I know when he looks at me there is a question too; can you love me? Why should he believe me? This world has failed him. He has never had stability. He has never been protected.
I hate that the is forgotten.
I hate that he is hurting and hungry.
I hate that he is abused.
I hate that he is unwanted.
I hate that he is one of many boys, whom I am equally passionate about.
When I look at him, I see the beautiful boy that God intended him to be. I see the potential he holds for His kingdom. I see what my Father sees.

God is hurting, Christ is calling for justice. I will never be able to give enough for Him who loves so perfectly and who gave it all. I will not wast this chance I have to bring the healing of God’s love to these boys. I will not stop, and I will not surrender. We are fighting injustice every day. I cannot always give happy accounts of perfect endings; this world is broken and I will not cover up the truth. Often, selfishness wins and we loose a fight.
 Injustice is real, but the good news is that God has already won this war, and He is still here fighting each battle with us.

Least of These

Okay, so I promised to write about Alex, and new ministry things. I am SO TOTALLY EXCITED about the amazing things that God is doing here. Yesterday, the women in our Hope House program graduated. We had a big ceremony and lots of people came. The women have been saving up for a long time, and have been planning their own businesses. Yesterday the launched! I am so proud of them; they were once broken women selling themselves to feed their families. With God walking ever step with them, they have been transformed into the strong, beautiful women that God intended them to be. They have the confidence that comes from recognizing that they belong to Christ. That being said, we have space for expanding a new branch of ministry, and its one that is near and dear to my heart.

Abby first posted about it a few weeks ago, the idea we have. Both of us have very similar hearts for the specific kids we want to be working with. There are a handful of boys that have been at our programs for a long time. They are amazing kids, the kid of boys that can totally change the dynamic of the group because their personalities are so captivating. That beings said, for whatever reason they cannot be in our Forever Homes in Bombo. Sometimes its due to safety for the other boys, and sometimes they are to rough (have deep anger or attachment problems) to stay in the homes. But we love them, and God wants them off the streets so badly. They are so challenging, and the brokenness there is so deep that I cannot even see the bottom of it, but God can. There is nobody else who can take them, they are honestly the lowest of the low. These are the boys that we want :)

When Abby told me we were going to start this, God immediately began putting pressure on my heart. That is the only way I can describe it, I feel it heavy in my soul. I can't stop thinking about these boys (Alex being one of them) and praying for them. I feel on fire with love for them (I love all my kids, so much and its hard to describe why this is different, but it is). God does not want me to take a back seat to this ministry. Not that I ever really do, but more than ever I feel him leading me to step up. I was a little timid to tell Abby and David because I didn't want to take away something that they were excited to be involved in. Finally, I brought it up and was so glad I did! Turns out that as God had been leading me to step up, He had also been leading Abby and David to let me. Abby wanted to hear it from me, but when we talked about it, it was such confirmation that this was what God wanted. Its one of the clearest ways we know God is working, when the three of us get the same message from God. We all have the same idea of the boys we want, and the staff we are looking for.

I am going to be really busy. I will still be in charge of teams, and then taking on this home of the most difficult boys we work with. We are going to take in a small number (5 I think) and pour into each of them a lot. I am going to be there every day, spending time with each of them.  There is a part of me that has always wanted this, but I am wholly devoted to A.P.I. and would never branch out on my own. Our Forever Homes are are outside Kampala, where street programs are. I need to be at programs as much as possible too, and am living at the Volunteer House in Kampala working with teams. That means that it needed to be the perfect timing, and a different kind of home. How amazing that God brought it about so soon!!

I want to see this home come about within the next few months- I feel urgency in this. These boys need to be rescued badly. God wants them home now. To do that, we need a lot of prayers and help. Each of our boys will need two sponsors (ten altogether...if God perhaps breaks your heart when you read this you can email me :) and a home for them. I am praying for a home that God blesses, that His presence dwells in. We need staff, especially an uncle who God has commissioned for this. He needs to be fully devoted to these boys, patient and strong (they need to respect him). Honestly, I think finding him is going to be the hardest part, but I know God has the perfect man for the job. Please pray with us in these things, so we can bring these least of the least home.

God really never wants us to be comfortable where we are. If you're comfortable, ask God where He wants you to move. Here in Uganda, apparently we got comfortable. So here we go again... 

Hope Never Dies

 Before I write, I want to set this scene for you. Right now, I am sitting on my veranda at 8 am. The sun is not high, and there is a haze over the city. I can see the rolling hills, and the lush green gardens of my house. It smells like rain, even though there was no rain. If anyone has ever been awake early in the morning in Hawaii- that is how it feels. Cool but balmy, and sweet. I have been getting up every morning to read my bible out here, because these mornings are just to beautiful to miss.

On Wednesday I was at street programs hanging out with a few boys I have known for a long time. I love to meet new faces, but its both hard and nice to see familiar ones. As the kids played a game, I sat back and talked with two of these boys (by the way, my Luganda is much better!). One of these boys is named Kato. He is quiet and respectful, but recently every time I see him, he is sad. I was trying to cheer him up, talking to him and telling him how much he is loved. Finally, he gave me a smile... a real smile. It transformed his face into the beautiful, hopeful boy I knew. Later, a boy named Alex (who God has been pressing even more on my heart, and who I will post about later) showed up. I have been waiting for him, wanting to see him. When he saw me, his face broke out into a smile. He is one of those boys that is really difficult, and who people give up on- but he knows we LOVE HIM so much and so he returns to programs. He knows I love him, and he has given me the great honor of his trust. But like Kato, I am watching the hope draining out of his eyes, and it kills a little part of me. We joked around, and I bought him a ice cream. I rejoice each time I see the spark of the happy child he is supposed to be.

Flash forward to yesterday, and I was at our homes in Bombo. Seeing those boys was equally joyful, especially because I have been watching them grow up for the past three years. I know them well, and they know me. There is a trust and love there built on time, and its wonderful. I am so proud of them! They were once an unruly bunch of boys strait off the streets, and now they are boys who live in a family, in a home. God is transforming their lives, making them into young men who love Him. Spending time with them yesterday filled me up, because it was easy and comfortable, but it also gave me great hope. They are the example of what God wants to do with our street boys. How much He desires to rescue them, and transform their lives. See, God is the King of redemption. There is nobody to far from His hand, and nobody that His heart can forget. Each of our boys can be saved and transformed. Each of them holds a valuable place in Christ's Kingdom. One of the boys at our program was wearing a shirt that said "hope never dies" the other day. Its true. God never loses hope. My hope never dies for these boys. With God, these boys will always have hope.

When I post about Alex, I am going to talk about a new branch of ministry we are praying to launch. Its a project my heart lights on fire about, one I want to see come very soon. It would be a place where hope for these boys that have been on the streets a long time can be resurrected. Please be praying for the boys who are hopeless right now, that they would hear God calling in their hearts a song of redemption, and that their "dead" hearts would beat anew.

Here at Home

So I am sitting in my new living room, with my new friend Lauren. Its beautiful and peaceful, with a big garden and green lawn. Later, I am going to search for a puppy with Abby and David. Thursday I have teams coming, and programs. The women are graduating, and we are going to the land, and life is moving so fast, but I am just so excited that I am peaceful.

Three days ago, I was SO AFRAID that I had made the wrong choice about moving. During my flight, and my layover in Dubai I was so homesick it actually hurt. I cried and cried, and it felt like my heart would never heal. I was angry with God, because He made me fall in love with two places and peoples, and I felt like I would never have peace about it. Before I boarded my flight to Entebbe, I called my mom and told her that if I still felt so upset I wasn't staying, I couldn't do it.

I want to acknowledge that God knows me much better than I do, better than everyone. Knowing this doesn't always make it easy to trust Him, but I always should. The moment I stepped off the plane, I literally felt a wave of peace wash over me. As my plane was landing, I looked out my window and thought "I'm home" and it was so natural. I got off the plane and ate pizza with Abby and David and it was perfect. And I set up my room, and unpacked everything. It hurts a little bit because I look around and see my things so permanently in my room and its not in the home with my family, but this is so right.

I will post more later, and everyone should know that my internet is being temperamental. I don't have much to report on because I have only been to programs once, and haven't seen my kids from our homes at all yet. But seeing the ladies was amazing, and being back at street programs was also great! I am excited to get to know a new group of boys, and watch God transform their lives. But I just wanted to post and say that I am here, and safe, and really happy. Thanks for all your prayers :)

Thank God for Planes

This is just a little blurb about being a missionary in the modern world. I wanted to praise God for all the beautiful minds He created, for all the technology we have. I have read a lot of personal accounts from missionaries living in the 19 and 20th century, and it makes me realize how amazing I have it. On Friday, I am moving across the world, while that seems daunting, its really only about 2 days away by plane. Airfare is reasonable, and travel is uncomplicated. If I was making this trip 100 years ago, it would look drastically different. I would be staying goodbye to my parents at a doc, ready to part with them possibly forever. Many missionaries left their families for good, either being to poor or to ill to ever travel back to their homelands. I get to see my family in 6 months. While I am whining about the difficulties of my super long flight, its really going to be over in 2 days. If I was making this trip in 1912, I would be facing months at sea, and many stops in foreign countries. When I arrived in Africa, I would have had to hire a guide to take me into the bush, where I would have stayed in a mud hut. I would have traveled days to mail even a letter, and I would have been very isolated.
Now, I don't always get electricity, and by American standards I am very poor. But I have internet. I can Skype with my family, and see their faces. I can send endless emails, and look up Facebook to see what is going on in the social world. I can meet other white people in my city, and eat at American cafes. Going out to the village takes an hour by taxi, and even there we have solar lighting. I have a cell phone. I have a laptop. I have DVDs :) Thank Jesus for all the little things that make my life easier!

Next time I post, I will be in Uganda!! If you are reading this before then, I have a few prayer request specifically for traveling...
1. That I would feel God with me, and not feel so isolated (I always get super lonely when I am traveling)
2. That my travels would go smoothly. That my bags would arrive with me, and that my flights are all on time. 
3. That God gives me peace during this transition time. He wants me to do this, and I am not brave enough on my own. That my anxiety would be low, and I would be calm and have peace about leaving my family.

Thanks to everyone reading this that prays for me- it really means a lot that I am supported, and that I have this wonderful community!