My Boys

Its amazing to me how God gives each of the volunteers here a different heart for the boys. All of us get attached to specific kids, and each attachment is totally God given. He reveals to us the different qualities He finds wonderful in each boy, so that those serving here are called to specific children. I used to think it was bad to have favorites, and it is bad to show that favoritism, but its not bad to love like Jesus does. I love all the boys in our programs and in our home, but there are a few who stand out. In the home, its harder, because I am closer to those boys and really appreciate each one. In the street programs, I can only bond with so many, and I want to share what makes each of those boys precious and amazing to me.

 Eddy was in the home for awhile, but ran away to many times. He now lives in Grace Home (I think everyone knows what I think about that place...). He is 14, and wants to be a doctor. He is very devoted to his studies, and is also very responsible. One of the boys in our home ran away, and Eddy found him and brought him back. He didn't want this other boy to throw away his chance at a better life. At Grace, Eddy takes care of the younger boys. He is very shy, but also very smart and super humble. At 14, Eddy knows that he cannot pick scrap anymore for extra money, because it is to tempting to run back to the streets- how much self control can one kid have? He also gets super bad migraines, which I can relate with, and so I feel a special bond with him. I want to become Eddy's sponsor when I leave, and am trying to put him in boarding school. Right now, I take Eddy to dinner once a week. Its so important that he knows someone believes in him and loves him.

Michael is 10 and is in our street programs. I swear, you've never seen such a darling child. His smile melts my heart every time, and he has these round baby cheeks that are so cute. He is very charming, and funny, and bright. He is also SUPER difficult. He comes to programs late almost every day, and does a lot of chenge (drugs), which breaks my heart. Michael knows that I love him very much, but it is not enough to ease the pain of living on the streets. He is disobedient, and stubborn, and it kills me. One of my goals this summer is to spend some individual time with Michael, and let him know how loved and special he really is.

Abdul is about 13 or 14 and is the most hard working kid ever. Every day, he helps the uncles cook, set up the meal, and wash the plates for our street programs. He fetches water and charcoal, and never complains. He is super funny and sweet. His English is not that good, but he tries. I am so thankful that God has kept a special hand over this boy; he has been living on the streets awhile, but he is still a really good kid. He is honest, and kind, and doesn't fight with the other boys. I know that even at a young age, Abdul is trying to put on the armor of God to survive the streets. This kid is amazing!

Big Peter is one of a few boys who lives with two of our uncles (David and Laurence). Peter will become an uncle someday, I am sure of it. He is learning how to make beads as a craft so he will be able to make money. He is also very hard working, and a boy after Gods own heart. I am not sure how old he is, but I think he must be at least 16. There is a good chance that soon, he and another boy (who I will get to in a moment) are going to be sent to school. They will get their own apartment, and be responsible for living on their own with an allowance. I know that Peter will be able to do it, and I know that God has big things planned for this boy.

Musa is the other boy that will be sponsored with Peter. He also lives with the uncles. Musa is one of the most sensitive, caring boys ever. He takes care of the street dogs that come to our programs, and is super shy and sweet. He never fights with the other kids, and is very obedient and helpful. I also believe that Musa will become an uncle someday, because he has a heart for serving the boys in our programs, even though he is still one of them!

Little Peter is the last boy who lives with the uncles (they live in a one room apartment, and are so devoted to serving God). Peter is 11 or so, and is very smart. He is also super funny and sweet, and really obedient. He loves to share with the other boys, and help out whenever he can. He is always making me laugh at the funny things he says, and I often find myself wondering "where did he come up with that?". He is wise beyond his years, and is also very devoted to serving Jesus. Hopefully, Peter will also be going to school soon with a program called African Hearts.

There are SO many boys I could mention (Little Isma, Mathew, Duncan, Ivan, Dan) all of whom are on the streets and all of whom are amazing kids. There are also two new boys (Alex, the one I mentioned in my last post, and Mark who is older but shows amazing potential) that I am super excited to get to know better. I know that these boys are Gods, and I know that He loves them more than I do, but I also know that He has given me a special heart to love each of them. I want to see these kids the way Jesus does- seeing their flaws and loving them beyond words anyways. If anyone would like to join me in praying for these kids, I would totally appreciate that! I will try to update again on these kids before I leave :)

Night Hunt

I just got home from wandering around the city for about 4 hours, looking for street kids. Me, Amanda, Cara, and two of the uncles (David and Laurence) wanted to find kids who are not in our programs. The easiest way to know if a child is a street kid is to see him on the streets sleeping. To do that, you need to wait until they are settled in for the night. We started our looking for boys around 8pm, but the city was still to active for the boys to lay down. These kids are beaten or arrested if they are "in the way" of anyone, so they have to wait until everyone else is asleep before they can go to bed. That means that they wait until all the people selling things on the streets are in bed (and they were still selling in some places at 10pm) and the boys also need to leave before people start selling in the morning (so very early). The boys sleep on sacks, and we saw many with bags on their heads to keep warm. Right after we started, we found one of the kids from our program sleeping. We woke him up, and asked if he was okay- he was, except I think he was mad we woke him up. Pretty soon after, we found a new boy named Alex who was 11. Alex decided to lead us all over, looking for other boys to come to the programs. We found a good number of boys, although not as many as we hoped (a bunch of them had been arrested the night before, so they were afraid to be seen). We ended up seeing a few boys from our programs too, which is always nice. We gave all the kids we met chapatis and mandazies (I don't know how to spell that, but they are tortillas and doughnut-like bread). After, we prayed over all the boys we had met, and the ones still on the streets. I am so excited to see which ones show up, and I hope they tell their friends! Although this job is hard at times, I am so lucky to get to do what I do. It always encourages me to know that Jesus knows each of these boys by name, and He loves them before we ever meet them. We do not serve a God who is absent; Jesus cares, and each night He covers them with His love, and He does not forget His children.
On another note, we had SO much fun looking for the kids! I find myself laughing at the ridiculous things that happen to us here, and am so lucky to have friends to laugh with me. Tonight, I fell in a sewage hole, and had to buy water bottles to clean my foot. At one point Amanda asked me to go buy caveras (little bags to hold things in) from "that woman". Not knowing what woman she was talking about, I asked a respectable businesswoman for a cavera, because I didn't see the little stand just behind us that was selling them (the woman I asked was so confused!). Other highlights included Cara grabbing Amanda's arm and dragging her into deadly traffic, claiming "you've got to cross sometime", Cara almost getting urinated on by a man who just whipped it out without looking and started peeing on the street, and me yelling "chi, chi???" (basically "what are you looking at?") at strangers who were staring at our kids because there were white people around (it was super rude of me, but these people act like we are in the zoo sometimes, I swear). I know I am forgetting so much, and I know people at home reading this won't understand why these things are SO funny, but I promise that when they are happening, they are hysterical. Life here is full of surprises, and although there is so much heartbreak, there is also so much joy- TIA :)

Gulu Town & The Bush

So this weekend I went to Gulu Town with Cara and two of her Ugandan friends. Gulu is in the far north, and was until very recently, totally unsafe. The Lords Resistance Army (LRA) lead by Joseph Kony had been fighting civil war against the Gov. for 25 years. At home, I was involved in Invisible Children which worked with kids running from the LRA (85% of Kony's army were child soldiers), and so I was very interested and familiar with Gulu.

 The drive up to Gulu was incredible!! Africa is SOOO beautiful. I saw the golden sun setting on the Nile, as jungle vines overflowed into the rapids. I saw grasslands in the blue light of dusk, mist floating like God's own breath. I fed corn and peanuts to baboons along the road, and watched little monkeys groom their babies. The stars lit up the night sky like diamonds, and it was one of the most amazing things I have EVER seen. This land was clearly created by our Father.

Gulu Town is very small, although it is growing and has gained much international attention. There is not much to do there, but the stories we heard were mind blowing. I did not really believe in miracles until I went to Gulu. We drove on roads where just a few years ago, anyone walking on them would be shot and killed by the LRA. The pastor we went moved to Gulu during the war. He believed firmly that God had called him there to die after he preached the message to as many small villages he could. Many times, he was stopped on the roads by the LRA (once they even broke into his home) and they threatened to kill him. Many times, Jesus saved him, and those stories are truly remarkable. He baptized Gov. soldiers in water they feared poisoned, and people came to Christ simply because he had not yet been killed by the LRA. In Gulu we saw many refugee camps, and also heard of much tragedy. But we also saw healing that only God could bring, which was so encouraging.

On Saturday we went to a village called Koach Goma, which was in the Bush!! When you think of Africa, I am sure many people think mud huts and jungle and elephants, but I usually don't. I see Kampala, and slums and development- but that is not how a large part of the country looks. In the bush, people walk for 15 miles to a trading post, which may have a simple store but not much else. They live in mud huts with grass roofs. These people don't have two shillings to rub together. Women don't even wear shirts sometimes- I mean, its REALLY rural (like NatGeo status). It was really cool seeing that, and it made me realize where many of our street kids are coming from.

On Sunday, we went to the pastor's church. It was AMAZING!! Many of the people there had lost SO much, and they were still dancing and singing with all their hearts. They were dancing too- not just kinda, but like fully rocking out (almost NatGeo status too). We prayed and prayed and prayed, over things I never considered (we prayed over some of the Psalms, just like King David did). The best part was that I have absolutely no doubt that God will provide the things we prayed for- my God is good, all the time.

This weekend was so eye opening for me. I got to see a new part of the country, and put into context the places I had read about. Seeing where the LRA was, and meeting the people they terrorized was really important to me; learning how much God is working there and how close He is to those people was an unexpected blessing. Seeing the bush, and realizing how lucky we are here in Kampala, even when things seem hard, put my life into context too. Its always important to count my blessings, but to count them, I need to know how many there are :)

Jaded

One thing I have been realizing recently is how jaded we, as Americans are. How many times have I thought "that's just the way the world works"? I know I've listened to others say it too. Babies dying of starvation? That's just how it goes sometimes. Families infected by AIDS? That's how Africa is. People living as refugees? That's on the other side of the world, I cant do anything. We hear of these things all the time- people with no running water, health care, or money to buy food. Have you ever considered how difficult that life really is? I take a shower out of a bucket, but I have water most days. I cannot imagine having to walk and go get it (which the boys have to do sometimes, and it totally sucks!). I meet kids in Kivulu every day that literally haven't had a meal in several days. I meet kids with HIV because their moms couldn't get antivirals. I meet people disfigured by war, in the city searching for their families. When I live it every day, when I see these people and touch them and talk to them, then I see things like Jesus does. There is NO situation in which Jesus would say "that's in Africa, so its not my problem". There will never be a suffering person that Jesus does not care about, meaning that as His followers, there is no suffering person that we should overlook. Jesus really hears every cry, sees each suffering person, and catches every tear. If the King of Glory's heart is broken by these things, mine should be too.

A Day at the Beach

Yesterday me, Amanda and Cara took 5 of the boys from our program to the beach in Entebbe (Lake Victoria). It was kinda to celebrate two of them being accepted into school, and also just to do something fun. We loaded them up into Cara's car and drove an hour or so to this awesome beach by the airport. On the property, they had these planes (not little ones, but huge airline planes) just sitting there for kids to play in. After we checked that out, we headed out to the sand. We rented the boys a ball and three intertubes, and let them hit the water- they LOVE swimming!! Going to the beach with 5 street kids in Uganda is very different from a day at a CA beach- let me tell you. Immediately after getting there, the boys started to dump sand all over themselves, but it was bright green from all the gross stuff living in the water. That kinda set the tone for the day. At different points, we found...
- Bwanica filling his mouth with disgusting sand and spitting it at other boys, then rinsing his mouth with horrible water
- Bwanica throwing shoes in the lake
- Bwanica in the restaurant with no shoes, and drinking tomato sauce out of the bottle (you'd be correct in guessing Bwanica wasn't on his best behavior, but it was so funny)
- Richard bringing us strange marine plants and a dead fish that he had on seaweed like a dog leash
- the boys carrying a crane they had caught by its legs (how they caught it, we don't know...)
- Ibra belly flopping off a boat into about 2ft of water (ouch)
The list goes on and on and on. I can write about it, but it doesn't capture how ridiculous it was; I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. The day totally exhausted the boys, as well as us aunties, but it was so worth it. To see the looks of pure joy on their faces, to see them having such a good time- those are also things that are hard to put into words. But trust me when I say, its amazing :)

Weekend Laughter

So I know that I JUST posted, but I wanted to let everyone know how much fun we have been having over here. Its been raining for the past few days (on and off, but mostly on). The boys in our house go a little crazy from being kept inside all the time, and they get very goofy. We have been spending a lot of time just making beaded bracelets, and playing marbles, and hanging out. Last night, bedtime was a little insane. Each night, I go in and say goodnight to all the boys in all the rooms. Last night, it was hard getting them to settle down. They were running all over the place, laughing and screaming. One of the boys took the hat I was wearing, and it took three other boys plus me to pry it away from him- he also bit me pretty hard in the process. In response, I poured half my water bottle on him, which turned into a small water fight in the yard (I should probably apologize to the other aunties and uncles for contributing to the chaos... oops). After that, I was finally on my way to bed when I found two of the older boys (Bashil and Drissa) out in the yard. They had put their Ugandan robes (these long, white, dress looking things) on their heads. They claimed to be FBI agents sent to Uganda by Obama- they really looked more like Arab nuns. It was so funny, and I was laughing so much I could hardly breath. Today, it was raining to hard to go to church, so instead we had a church service at home. Sadic played guitar and we all sang- it was super sweet and also nice to be at home with them all. No matter how much these kids annoy me at times, they also bring me so much joy. They fill me up with love every day, while also completely exhausting me in the process. Is this what parenthood feels like? If it is, then its so worth it!

In Love Again

So the past few weeks, I have been praying constantly that God would draw me near to Him. I wanted to feel His Spirit close to me, and to fall deeper in love with Jesus. Its finally happened (I think I may have said that in my last post). I feel God with me, in my work, in all I do. I see Him moving in my friendships, and in the lives of these precious boys. I have only one thought about all of this- how lucky am I?? I certainly do not deserve to be loved by Jesus. I am the one who pulls away from Him; He is my constant King, the same 'I Am' of Abraham and Moses. His love for me NEVER changes, but my heart wanders away from Him. So, in an attempt to bring me back, the God of the universe pursues and courts my love and affection every day. What kind of love is that? I am so thankful that He never gives up on me, and never stops trying to win my affection. Thank you Jesus!!!
 Tonight we had a party for Amanda's birthday, and we invited some of the street kids. As I sat in this very small, one room apartment with 20+ street boys, I realized how much I adore them- they are SOOO sweet and funny and deserve so much love. And as I was walking through the slums tonight, I remembered why I loved Uganda in the first place- I love watching Jesus move here. For the first time, I wondered if maybe I am not going to be ready to come home in August after all. This is a very dramatic change from the Caitlyn three days ago, who was contemplating coming home early. Oh man, what is God doing with me??? I won't know the answer to that for awhile, I am sure. What I do know is that I can finally feel Him right next to me, guiding my steps. And no matter where He leads me, I will follow. I will follow the Lamb wherever He goes :)

Passion Fruit and Crickets

Passion fruit and deep fried crickets- that is what me and my (African) roommate Maureen are snacking on tonight as we watch Dr. Quinn and talk about boys :) This is a typical night in our room, and I love it. There has been a lot going on here in the past few days, but I will try and update everyone on what God has been doing. So first of all, due to some unforeseen complications, I will be taking the fall off from school. At first, I was shocked and upset that I wasn't going back, but then I realized that it is God's plan. He wants me to take this time off, and I don't know what He will do with the time, but I know it will be okay. Now I have such amazing peace over this decision, I am so thankful God knows what I need more than I do. Secondly, things in Uganda have been very different than I thought they would be. When I came last summer, everything was seen through rose colored glass. All the boys were on their best behavior, and I somehow forgot that they were so broken. Now I see it all the time, every day. They are very broken, and they have a LONG way to go before they will be fully healed- its a job only God can accomplish. I love the street kids, I love seeing them light up every day when they see me. Its a little different with the boys in the house, and I will continue to rely on Jesus to break my heart for them (they have had a hard time since Abby and David got married, and have been less than nice on multiple occasions). I am beginning to remember the main thing I learned last summer, which is that God will use my ministry to fill me up. I do not have to wait for Him to fill me up and then go out- I will keep waiting forever. Today, He used the street boys to fill me up. They love Him, and I love Him, and He loves us all. I don't know if Uganda is the place God has called me (and as the weeks go by, I am thinking more and more it is not...) but I do know that He will not waste my time here. He has a plan, and that plan is as much for me as it is for these kids. No matter what, I will cling to and trust in my King. He is my Father who loves me, who created me with love and patience, and He is so good to me.

Equatorial Thunderstorm

Oh my word. Its raining, like, RAINING. Like, only on the equator in the jungle sort of raining. There is thunder that shakes the windows, and beautiful lightning. And its humid, and wet, and super muddy. Then to add to the fun, I looked out my window into this big tree in our yard only to see a little monkey hiding from the rain! If pit latrines and bathing out of a bucket didn't do the trick, I now know I am in Africa. Right now, the boys are all hyper because they are stuck inside. Sometimes living with them I feel like Wendy in Peter Pan- all these formerly lost boys. They challenge me each day; they are wild and loud and they fight with each other, and I want to pull out my hair. But then they smile at me, tell me they love me, and give me a hug, and every frustrating moment is so worth it. I got a huge prayer answered today. A few days ago (right around when I got sick) two of the boys that I am particularly close with decided they didn't want anything to do with me. The psychologist in me knows that they are afraid to trust/love me because they do not want me to hurt them (they have been hurt enough). But my heart was still broken; I just kept loving them and it hurt that they did not return it at all. Today however, they have each decided to get over it. We all played together, and they are giving me hugs and wanting to spend time with me. Its been a lesson in 1) what being a parent must look like and 2) the devotion God has to me. How many times do I turn away from Him, even when His love is always strong? How much must that hurt my Father? These kids are such a challenge and a blessing. Also, just to let everyone know, I am feeling much better today. Hopefully by Monday I will be ready for street programs again :) This place is really starting to fee like home to me. Thanks for all your prayers!! They are working!!

Sick

Blaa, I have the flu. I don't have much of anything to report on except to complain about how yucky I feel. I've been sick for 3 days now, and I think today I may need to brave the doctor. Its winter here, so this flu has been going around. I also wanted to say to everyone who has emailed me, thank you so much! Knowing I have a support network at home has encouraged me so much. The boys here are warming up to me a lot. This means that they are letting me in deeper, and trusting me more. It also means that that they are no longer on their best behavior, so that has been a little challenging. Being a mom to 15 boys under 17 is exhausting, and the attention I give them is never enough. But I love them, and the love comes from God. Hopefully I will be feeling better very soon so that I can have more energy :)Thanks for all the prayers!

Hands Lifted High

So two nights ago, we (me, Amanda, Gina and one of the aunties Cara) went to Grace Home. It is a boys home that was opened through Grace Fellowship Church for 50 of the street kids. That sounds good, but honestly it is not a nice home. The uncles there are under staffed and overworked; they steal from the boys and beat them. These kids get food for A.P.I because for awhile they were not getting fed. The only difference from the streets is that they have a daily meal, a bed, and a place to wash. We visited for a party, just to let the boys there do something fun. At one point, before we had a special meal for them, we did worship and a devotion. During the worship, all the boys gathered in a circle, and the Uncles picked one boy to lead the others in song. The boy they picked was probably 8, but very very small for his age. He stood in the middle, and in his little voice, with his hands raised high in praise, sang worship to our Father. Soon all of the boys were worshiping with their whole heart; hands lifted high, or on their knees. These kids have seen the worst that life has to offer. Most of them are under 13, and they have already been kicked out of their homes, beaten, sexually abused, and spit on by society. They have been told that they are unwanted, and unworthy. The love that Jesus offers them is truly the best news they could be given, and in it they place their hope. They are by no means perfect, and many of them are bad (they steal, hit, lie and cheat). But through it all, they know that their God has made them for His kingdom, and that by His sacrifice, they will be accepted without question. To see that faith, in such small kids who have been dealt such a poor hand in life, is absolutely incredible. It is a human but pure form of what our relationship with Jesus should look like; He loves us even though we are broken, and in return we offer Him all our praise.

Jail, Football and Bodas

Hey all! So I am safe in Uganda. Its very different than I thought it would be- I am really on my own here. The first few days have been so crazy I haven't had time to post, so sorry about that! Africa is the same as always but I am finding that this trip is so much less sheltered than my last one. Taking a shower out of a bucket, buying my Ugandan cell phone, and using a hole as a toilet are all very new things for me. There are things that I am not fully used to yet, but I am getting there quickly. I should say first that riding the bodas is my new favorite thing- they are motorcycle taxis and you fit three people on them then dart through traffic and its crazy. I am getting so much better, I don't even need to hold on anymore (nobody freak out, I wont fall off :) So what have I been up to? Well its really to much to account for, I haven't stopped moving since I got off the plane (like, seriously), but here are some highlights. Friday me, Amanda and Gina (the women I am living with) went to the Hope House, which is a home where former prostitutes make jewelry. We bought jewelry from them, then me and Gina did bible study. Later, me and Amanda had to go to the police station because we found out that 6 of our street kids had been arrested. That was awful- we sat there with one of the uncles for a very long time and listened to the police take turns yelling at us. They told us we were using the children for profit (what??) and that we were harming society by having our street programs. They said many other things that I don't want to get into, because they make me so angry, but honestly I wanted to hit someone. Finally, David (Abby's husband) came and talked to them; they wanted money all along but didn't want us to know they were being corrupt. When he wouldn't pay, they let the kids go anyways. It was a perfect example of how society feels about our kids. So that was my first day.... My second was better. Me, Amanda, some of the uncles, and another Auntie took about 10 street kids and 4 boys from our house to the Uganda FIFA football game. It was very exciting for them but it was also hot and crowded, and VERY VERY loud. Here is the coolest thing though; one of the boys in our house that doesn't usually get special things (because he misbehaves a lo)t got to come. He is so wonderful, but he is very guarded and does not like volunteers, especially young women. Last summer, when I came he wouldn't look at me, let alone talk to me. But yesterday we hung out all day. He asked me to ride with him in the van on the way to the game, then he asked me if I would be his best friend. And later, he told me he loves me (that's a really really big deal, its huge!). I feel so encouraged to see how much God is healing him; I decided last night that if I can help this one child, my whole summer will be worth it. That being said, I could use your prayers. I don't feel super close to God at the moment- I see Him but I can't feel Him. I am also still very homesick (although its getting better) so if you're reading this and would like to encourage me by emailing me, its caitlynbollinger@gmail.com I know that God is doing big things, and I trust Him completely. Sorry this was so long- next time I'll write sooner!!