I again hear God calling me forward. This particular call is still distant, and cannot happen right now. Nonetheless I have heard it, and am really excited about it. If you're a consistent reader of my blog, you'll notice that I go through stages of talking about one boy a lot. I love all of my boys beyond words (honestly) but every once and awhile there will be one that God puts on my heart a little harder than the rest. Its not to say I love these kids more, but God definitely places them front and center for a time.
They are the toughest cases; the most hardened, wild and broken. They are the ones that seem almost hopeless, and therefore God places them directly in my sight. The love He gives me for these particular boys is so strong- I would die for any one of my kids, but this love is fierce. I don't know how to describe it without sounding like they are favorites, because they aren't. They are just my focus for a time. I find it remarkable how faithful God is with these children. I can pour into them for a period of time, nurturing them and giving them what hope I can offer. And I pray for them- all day every day. And God takes care of them! Read back through my posts and you'll see what I mean. Last year, it was Eddy who is now in my care and at boarding. Then it was David, who is now in our Forever Home for the little boys, safe and with a loving family. And then it was Kato, who is also now in our Forever Home :) And of course, Alex... how can we forget Alex. God has answered a huge prayer in that Alex has been taken into a Ugandan family. I have never heard of a family taking in a random street kid, but this family took Alex. We (our staff) has always said that Alex needed a family, not a home but a personal family. God worked a miracle in that this loving Christian family took him in! I honestly cannot believe how great God is sometimes. Currently it is a boy named Kasozi, who is just as broken and (literally) scared as the rest. And yet I see a light in him, a goodness, and I am determined to help him bring that light out.
One thing I have learned this past year is that God has created me different than most people I work with here (or actually, than anyone I've ever seen doing this kind of work long term). I am emotional and sensitive. I feel everything my boys do. I absorb every detail of their story and experience it with them. And while this is good in some areas, its also a distinct disadvantage. While God has blessed me with the ability to read these kids very well, and be very in-tune with them, I also wear out faster. I am learning to balance my deep emotions and connections with these boys with personal boundaries that can make this work possible for the rest of my life.
I think God puts these boys on my heart because I am able to focus all of my sensitivity toward their needs. I cannot get them out of my head, or heart. I think about them all the time I am not with them, and my world lights up when I see them at Street Programs. God knows I work well one-on-one. I love being able to give a lot of my time and energy to one boy, to lift him up and love him. To help heal some deep attachment issues, and build a bond of love that they can count on. I get to do this with all our Forever Home boys, but not with all street kids because they move around a lot. But when God places one of these particular boys on my heart, I will search for them when they are not at programs. And every single time, I find myself wanting to take them home with me. I want to see them every day, and help them feel safe and loved. I want to provide for them, and be there to encourage them daily. Now, God has clearly spoken to me that I am not going to start my own home here. I have no desire to, and for these kids a home isn't what they need. They need family, and time and singled out devotion...
So here is the call, faint as it may be. Someday, I am going to be married, and have my own house (like Abby and David). And while I will need to be a part of ministry still, going to street programs and out to Bombo for the weekends, I will add another area of ministry to my personal life. When God places these particular boys on my heart, I am going to take them home. It will be more like foster care. I will not adopt, but I will be there day in and day out to love them. I will help them with homework, and cook dinner. I will work on personal attachment skills, and build them up. I am 100% sure that God is going to bless me with a husband who is equally willing to accept these boys into our life. They can stay with us until they are ready to move on (although I am not sure what that will look like, it will probably be until they are 17 and old enough to go to vocational school). They are going to take a more personal and permanent place in my life.
Maybe its silly to be so excited about something so distant, but I am. It gives me so much joy and hope to know that someday, I will have the privilege of doing this ministry. I feel like God is creating the perfect opportunity for me to use my skills and spiritual gifts.
God is beautiful.
They are the toughest cases; the most hardened, wild and broken. They are the ones that seem almost hopeless, and therefore God places them directly in my sight. The love He gives me for these particular boys is so strong- I would die for any one of my kids, but this love is fierce. I don't know how to describe it without sounding like they are favorites, because they aren't. They are just my focus for a time. I find it remarkable how faithful God is with these children. I can pour into them for a period of time, nurturing them and giving them what hope I can offer. And I pray for them- all day every day. And God takes care of them! Read back through my posts and you'll see what I mean. Last year, it was Eddy who is now in my care and at boarding. Then it was David, who is now in our Forever Home for the little boys, safe and with a loving family. And then it was Kato, who is also now in our Forever Home :) And of course, Alex... how can we forget Alex. God has answered a huge prayer in that Alex has been taken into a Ugandan family. I have never heard of a family taking in a random street kid, but this family took Alex. We (our staff) has always said that Alex needed a family, not a home but a personal family. God worked a miracle in that this loving Christian family took him in! I honestly cannot believe how great God is sometimes. Currently it is a boy named Kasozi, who is just as broken and (literally) scared as the rest. And yet I see a light in him, a goodness, and I am determined to help him bring that light out.
One thing I have learned this past year is that God has created me different than most people I work with here (or actually, than anyone I've ever seen doing this kind of work long term). I am emotional and sensitive. I feel everything my boys do. I absorb every detail of their story and experience it with them. And while this is good in some areas, its also a distinct disadvantage. While God has blessed me with the ability to read these kids very well, and be very in-tune with them, I also wear out faster. I am learning to balance my deep emotions and connections with these boys with personal boundaries that can make this work possible for the rest of my life.
I think God puts these boys on my heart because I am able to focus all of my sensitivity toward their needs. I cannot get them out of my head, or heart. I think about them all the time I am not with them, and my world lights up when I see them at Street Programs. God knows I work well one-on-one. I love being able to give a lot of my time and energy to one boy, to lift him up and love him. To help heal some deep attachment issues, and build a bond of love that they can count on. I get to do this with all our Forever Home boys, but not with all street kids because they move around a lot. But when God places one of these particular boys on my heart, I will search for them when they are not at programs. And every single time, I find myself wanting to take them home with me. I want to see them every day, and help them feel safe and loved. I want to provide for them, and be there to encourage them daily. Now, God has clearly spoken to me that I am not going to start my own home here. I have no desire to, and for these kids a home isn't what they need. They need family, and time and singled out devotion...
So here is the call, faint as it may be. Someday, I am going to be married, and have my own house (like Abby and David). And while I will need to be a part of ministry still, going to street programs and out to Bombo for the weekends, I will add another area of ministry to my personal life. When God places these particular boys on my heart, I am going to take them home. It will be more like foster care. I will not adopt, but I will be there day in and day out to love them. I will help them with homework, and cook dinner. I will work on personal attachment skills, and build them up. I am 100% sure that God is going to bless me with a husband who is equally willing to accept these boys into our life. They can stay with us until they are ready to move on (although I am not sure what that will look like, it will probably be until they are 17 and old enough to go to vocational school). They are going to take a more personal and permanent place in my life.
Maybe its silly to be so excited about something so distant, but I am. It gives me so much joy and hope to know that someday, I will have the privilege of doing this ministry. I feel like God is creating the perfect opportunity for me to use my skills and spiritual gifts.
God is beautiful.
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