Okay, so I keep coming back to this verse in John. Jesus is relentless in His question- "do you love me?" Do I love you Lord? Yes! I want to shout and scream and show everyone that I love my God above all else. But I can't, not so that people really believe me. I have to show it with my life- my life as a living sacrifice. The part of this story at the end of John that I am stuck on right now is when God says
"When your were younger, you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but now you are older you will stretch out your hands and someone else will dress you and lead you, even where you do not want to go" 21:18
What does that mean for my life? When I lift my hands in praise to God, its also in surrender. I am acknowledging that I am nothing, I have nothing without Him.
Becoming a parent at 21 is something I never believed I would do, and yet I have more info on how to raise a teenager than most girls my age. And even though I love my kids like they are my own, I have
NO idea what I am doing. The other day, my Eddie (who is 14 now) decided he was going to go home to see his brother. He asked me "can I go?". I wanted to say no, because his brother has a lot of shady girls around and smokes pot all the time, but I didn't. Instead, I let Eddie choose- I told him to make good choices, and prayed that he would not break the trust he has been earning so much of recently. Two days later, he called me saying "mom, can I come home?". When I asked him why, he told me that he was uncomfortable with his brother, and he felt tempted. I was so grateful that he wanted to make the right choice, and told him yes, I wanted him home. Did I make the right choice that time? Maybe. Will I mess up again? Totally. Why did nobody tell me parenting was so hard!
When I was younger, I thought I knew what was best. I did what I wanted, and made my own plans. Now I am older, I let go of my life. I accept and trust that my Father knows best for me. He will lead me where I can do the most good for Him, and He will provide for me when I follow (to places that are far beyond my comfort or ability). There is something wonderful about having to trust completely in my King.
"When your were younger, you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but now you are older you will stretch out your hands and someone else will dress you and lead you, even where you do not want to go" 21:18
What does that mean for my life? When I lift my hands in praise to God, its also in surrender. I am acknowledging that I am nothing, I have nothing without Him.
Becoming a parent at 21 is something I never believed I would do, and yet I have more info on how to raise a teenager than most girls my age. And even though I love my kids like they are my own, I have
NO idea what I am doing. The other day, my Eddie (who is 14 now) decided he was going to go home to see his brother. He asked me "can I go?". I wanted to say no, because his brother has a lot of shady girls around and smokes pot all the time, but I didn't. Instead, I let Eddie choose- I told him to make good choices, and prayed that he would not break the trust he has been earning so much of recently. Two days later, he called me saying "mom, can I come home?". When I asked him why, he told me that he was uncomfortable with his brother, and he felt tempted. I was so grateful that he wanted to make the right choice, and told him yes, I wanted him home. Did I make the right choice that time? Maybe. Will I mess up again? Totally. Why did nobody tell me parenting was so hard!
When I was younger, I thought I knew what was best. I did what I wanted, and made my own plans. Now I am older, I let go of my life. I accept and trust that my Father knows best for me. He will lead me where I can do the most good for Him, and He will provide for me when I follow (to places that are far beyond my comfort or ability). There is something wonderful about having to trust completely in my King.
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