Friday, August 23, 2013

MIGRAINE: DAY 12

Okay so always, my headaches have been a bummer. For those of you reading this that don’t know, I have a nerve condition called Occipital Neuralgia, which causes me to have a moderate headache 80% of the time, and a horrible migraine the other 20%. Since I was 16, this “thorn in my side” has followed me, but I deal. What else can I do right? I told God a long time ago that if His plan was not to heal me (which, so far, it has not been) then I would do my best to honor Him with my life anyways. If I am going to have a headache, I may as well persevere in serving the Lord, instead of letting Satan waste my days with pain.

But now I am (roughly) going on 2 weeks of this particular migraine. I don’t know why it started, or what caused it. I just woke up one morning with a throbbing head, and it hasn’t broken since then. And yes, I mean the whole 9 yards: sensitivity to light and sound-sick to my stomach-cannot sleep-exhausted from the pain- kind of migraine. For the first few days, I just slept, praying the headache would break and I would feel better. On day 5, when that hadn’t happened, I got out of bed. Since then, my days have been a blur of discomfort and exhaustion (physical and emotional). I need God to intervene here... I need a break.

This feels different because for the first time I am responsible for other people as well. That makes resting harder, because I am a mom. My headache makes me tired, and irritable, and I am having trouble giving my kids the love and attention they need from me. And I feel super guilty, and sad, and frustrated for needing so much rest. I don’t blame God for this at all, and am not angry at Him for allowing me to walk in this place. But I do need Him, and pretty desperately. I need this pain to go away, and I need prayer. If you can find it in your day to say a little prayer for me, for my headache and my energy, please do. That God will take this pain away, and that  until He does, He will give me the grace I need to parent these children in a way that honors Him.

I have walked in this place many, many times before. Its not new, but its still not easy. But God never leaves my side, and He will always be my strength, especially when I have none.

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