Alicia

You can read more about Alicia's life here

First, sorry to everyone that it has been SO LONG since I updated. I will try my best to be more consistent.

Its with a heavy heart that I write this post. On Nov 5th, I received news that a beautiful friend had ended her race here on Earth. Alicia Halpenny was a fellow missionary here in Uganda. I had the great privilege of serving along side her on several occasions, mentoring her in her first weeks in Uganda, and just enjoying her friendship. We were also linked by the men we each loved, who are best friends.

Alicia was incredible. She has Cystic Fibrosis, and was in constant pain for every breath that she took. This did not stop her at all from following God’s call to Uganda, or from bending down on her knees to serve Him and His orphans. She loved little children, and (being a nurse) had a heart for healing them. She loved people, and gave you all her focus while she was with you. She loved Jesus, and gave her life in service to Him. Alicia got really sick here in Uganda in October, and decided to go back to America for a little while so she could get better so that she could return to Uganda and continue serving Jesus. I was expecting to see her smiling face again in January, and it still feels like a blow that, this side of eternity, I never will.   There is so much I could say about her life, her perseverance, her faith, her laughter. But as much as her life impacted so many (so many!), her faith and love of Jesus has continued even in her death. Her legacy wasn’t just for remembrance of a life well lived, its a challenge, and it has challenged me in ways deeper than I thought were possible.

I first must admit that I am so far from perfect. I think that sometimes, people assume that because I am a missionary, my faith must be something special. That because I followed Jesus to Uganda, it makes me noble. That isn’t true. This work gets hard. Sometimes I hate it. Sometimes my headaches are so painful I don’t want to get up anymore, or I feel like I don’t have anymore love to give out. There are days I want to quit. There are days I want to go back to America. I am selfish. I am weak. And in the past few months, I lost sight of my Father.

Its like if you see the most beautiful painting in the world , and you are captivated by it. Captivated by it, and in love with its beauty, and in awe of the artist. And somehow, someway, you are blessed enough to take that picture home, and you hang it in your living room. And for the first few months, maybe years, you admire it. But then it just becomes part of the room, and you forget what it felt like when you first saw it. When people come to your home, they say “wow, that is so beautiful! how amazing!” and you agree, but secretly inside you cannot remember that feeling of awe anymore. I am so ashamed to say that my life, my calling to Uganda, and my faith had become like that. I was SO honored, so blessed, so unworthy to be anointed to do this work. I was so passionately in love with my King that service to Him was like my breath, easy and essential. It was all consuming, all I wanted, and all I needed. And then I got lost, and the beauty faded.

Alicia’s death brought reality crashing down around me. Here I witnessed a servant who, at 23, literally gave her all for our Lord. And He was good to her, and her faith was a testament to His glory. And her death was a testimony to the cost of calling ourselves His servants. Nothing else matters but Him. Nothing but His glory, and that is the call. To bring Him glory while taking care of His sheep. At Alicia’s memorial (which was streamed live to Uganda) many people gave their lives over to Christ. I know that right now, she is with our Father. There is no more pain, and she is crowned in glory as His good and faithful servant.

                                     “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. 
                               Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me. 
                                       Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, 
                          and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior”
                                                                                                - Oceans by Hillsong United

I love that song, Oceans. Its the first thing that I thought of when I heard she had been called home. I hate that her death is what it took to bring my faith and calling back into focus. But I am so grateful that death on the cross is our final hope, and the ultimate price. If I could say one more thing to Alicia, I would want her to know that even in death she brought glory to our King. Someday, I will tell her that. For today, I will focus on the only thing that matters. If it was all stripped away. If this calling costs me a life of pain from my migraines, if it cost me my family, if it costs me my friends in America, if it costs me my finances, if it costs me my very life... will I still consider it an honor to serve my King, and to have paid whatever price I had to so I could to do it? If it cost me everything, would Jesus be enough?


Yes.