So I had no intention of posting about this, but I wanted to get my thoughts out there.
Today, May 4th, was supposed to be my wedding day. For three months I dreamt of this day constantly. I imagined the guests, and my family in Uganda. I loved my dress, and pictured the way I would do my hair. Most of all, I was in love. I was thrilled and excited to begin my “forever after” with the man I believed God had planned for me. I knew it would be work, but it was worth it. Our kids would stand be standing up with us, part of our wedding party. The day before I returned to Uganda, I was singing in my room, packing. My sister came in and said “you are definitely a bride; you’re glowing!” because I was so happy at the idea of being back with my fiancé. I thought we belonged together.
Today looks very different than I thought it would. There is no white dress. No guests or children or celebration. There is no groom waiting for me. As if a glass ball being dropped, these dreams have been shattered. But I am still here.
Right now I am sitting on the veranda of my house. The sun is sinking lower in the sky, and its beautiful. Instead of getting ready to depart with my new husband, I am waiting for my children to get home from playing football. We will have dinner together, do devotions, and then I will tuck them into bed one by one. This is a different kind of dream, but one I had prayed over just as faithfully. I am content. I am soaking in every moment of this new family, enjoying each day as it comes. Not yearning for the future, but peaceful in this life God has given me.
I do not understand why God has chosen the things He has for my life. And today, I cannot hope for tomorrow. I don’t think I am brave enough to love again, but someday maybe I will be. I don’t know His plans for me, but I know I love Him. I know that I have so many blessings, and I know that God is beautiful. I have amazing boys here, and they are home for good. I have friends and family that love me. I work with a wonderful ministry, and am sure of my calling. I am blessed.
Though my heart hurts, and is still broken, God is my comfort.
Though I will walk away with 'scars' of a kind, I will heal.
My cup is full, and overflowing.
I am grateful.
Today, May 4th, was supposed to be my wedding day. For three months I dreamt of this day constantly. I imagined the guests, and my family in Uganda. I loved my dress, and pictured the way I would do my hair. Most of all, I was in love. I was thrilled and excited to begin my “forever after” with the man I believed God had planned for me. I knew it would be work, but it was worth it. Our kids would stand be standing up with us, part of our wedding party. The day before I returned to Uganda, I was singing in my room, packing. My sister came in and said “you are definitely a bride; you’re glowing!” because I was so happy at the idea of being back with my fiancé. I thought we belonged together.
Today looks very different than I thought it would. There is no white dress. No guests or children or celebration. There is no groom waiting for me. As if a glass ball being dropped, these dreams have been shattered. But I am still here.
Right now I am sitting on the veranda of my house. The sun is sinking lower in the sky, and its beautiful. Instead of getting ready to depart with my new husband, I am waiting for my children to get home from playing football. We will have dinner together, do devotions, and then I will tuck them into bed one by one. This is a different kind of dream, but one I had prayed over just as faithfully. I am content. I am soaking in every moment of this new family, enjoying each day as it comes. Not yearning for the future, but peaceful in this life God has given me.
I do not understand why God has chosen the things He has for my life. And today, I cannot hope for tomorrow. I don’t think I am brave enough to love again, but someday maybe I will be. I don’t know His plans for me, but I know I love Him. I know that I have so many blessings, and I know that God is beautiful. I have amazing boys here, and they are home for good. I have friends and family that love me. I work with a wonderful ministry, and am sure of my calling. I am blessed.
Though my heart hurts, and is still broken, God is my comfort.
Though I will walk away with 'scars' of a kind, I will heal.
My cup is full, and overflowing.
I am grateful.
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