Sacrifice

sac·ri·fice/ˈsakrəˌfīs/

Noun:

An act of slaughtering an animal or person or surrendering a possession as an offering to God or to a divine or supernatural figure.

So the next 12 days are going to be really hard for me. If you think of it, I could use some extra prayers- I need some divine peace :) I keep thinking of all the people I need to say goodbye to, and all the things I am letting go of (like my pets) and its breaking my heart. I love my boys, and my job, and Uganda, but I love this too. I love my jeep, and my house and America. I love my friends and family more than words, and I am going to miss them like crazy. I am grieving the loss of this time, and these relationships, because no matter what they will change. People change, and life goes on, and I will never come back to this place in time again. I know that God has blessed me with friendships that will endure, but I won't be around for a lot of births and weddings, and its sad. My anxiety level is rising, and the hardest part is yet to come.

I recently read a quote about sacrifice in a book I am reading. The author is saying "sacrifice isn't sacrifice until it hurts". He is is so right! Humans don't like to surrender anything. Its hard to give up something, especially something you love. I keep thinking about Jesus, and his final moments in the garden. His whole life he knew what his purpose was, and he was willing to follow. He found joy in being able to serve God. He knew the importance of his choice, and he was going to do it out of love, because in fact he loved us too much to make another choice. Now, my life isn't on the line, and I am not about to make the biggest sacrifice ever made, but again get that glance into what Jesus was thinking.

He loved us, and because of that love he was bound to his choice. He would never have been happy if he hadn't made it. I love my boys, and so I could never really turn away from them. He also probably didn't realize how hard actually surrendering to God was going to be; we know from scripture that he was in so much anguish over his choice that he actually cried blood. That is not a picture of a man making a peaceful and joyous sacrifice. So while I know the choice I am making is right, its not easy. While I know it is what I was put on this earth to do, it isn't  perfect. Now its my turn to really sacrifice my life up to God, because this time it hurts. This time it takes true trust in His plan, and true surrendering of my own.

I have been listening to a worship song (Revelation Song) that says
"Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God almighty,
 Who was, and is, and is to come
 With all Creation I sing;
 Praise to the King of Kings
 You are my everything
 And I will adore You"
The end there- and I will adore you- keep striking me. Its a statement, but its also a command. I will adore You. Even when its hard, or I am struggling. I will adore my King, because He is worthy always. I will continue to sing His praise, no matter what. So I am sacrificing, and its going to get harder before it gets better. But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. Its going to bring God glory, and therefore it will bring me joy.

I will adore You