Oh, so much to say! Where do I start? I have SO many blessings and updates, I don't know where to start. I will do a quick rundown on the "top two"...
1. I am engaged!!! My wonderful fiance, Laurence, one of our A.P.I. uncles. I could go on for hours about how amazing he is, but that will probably be its own post another time. For now, I will answer a question my good friend always asks, which is "what are the top three things you love about him?". My first answer is his undying faith in Christ. His faith encourages me, and builds me up. No matter what, he looks to Jesus to lead him, and trusts God to take care of us (a reminder I need often). Second, he is a protector of the weak and innocent. He believes in fighting for justice, and helping those who cannot help themselves. Third, he is trustworthy. I needed someone who could take all my dreams and fears, and protect them in his heart. He keeps his word, and protects my heart, and I trust him. We serve God better together, and he strengthens my faith daily. I am so lucky! So there is my little update on personal things :)
2. I am in America fundraising for Joseph's House. I love my kids, and I want them home with me so badly! They SO deserve a loving home and family, and I want them to be safe in their forever home. That said, its hard to be away from them. Its hard to be away from Laurence, and to be away from my boys. And they miss me, and I am not sure they trust I am coming back. I am trying so hard to raise this money, but its been a huge challenge. Its painful to be away from my home, and to see it hurt my kids. But mostly its been hard on my faith. And that is the point of this post. I feel like I have so many posts about trusting God, and His plans, and what He is doing in my life. Its my constant struggle; living a life that requires me to completely give up my own will, and trust that the Lord will lead me. All the while, letting go of my life and plans is (time and time again) the hardest thing for me to do. And I get swallowed with fear!
Fear that I will not be able to get the money to help my precious boys.
Fear that I will disappoint them, and break their hearts.
Fear that I will have to stay in America for a long time, trying to raise this money.
So many fears!!!
But God is good, and He reminds me to look at each step we've taken before this one. Each little jump I made getting to this point. Back in the days that it stretched my faith to leave school and go to Uganda. Back when I knew I was supposed to be in Africa, but had no money, plan, or sending agency to go through. Back when left my life behind to do this, and let go of everything in America. Even just a few months ago when I committed to following God down this path, which would eventually lead to Joseph's House. And I had no plan, and no idea how to raise 6 little (very traumatized) boys. But God has given me wisdom, and built relationships that I did not think these boys were capable of.
So again I stand before Him, completely at His mercy. Trusting, wholeheartedly, that this is the path Jesus is leading me down. And I get afraid and worried and stressed out (more than I have ever been in my life!). But I am reminded that this was not my idea, it was God's. He has given me this heart, and this passion, and through Him it will be fulfilled. Its totally humbling, and I know that this is only the beginning. Trusting Him to start Joseph's House is only the first step, because I am going to need to come before Him and trust He will show me the way every day after that. Every hard moment, or difficult decision. It can only happen through the Lord, but this is by His design, so that at the end, all glory goes to Him alone.
He has placed love in my heart that drives out these fears. When I think of my beautiful children, I am not afraid. I am determined, and steady, and confident. And when I think of loosing it all, or not raising this money, I am paralyzed. But then I remember Jesus, who I love above all. Who promises that he will be with me always, and God who's plan for me is perfect. And I know that as long as my King loves me (which is always, and unending), everything will be okay.
1. I am engaged!!! My wonderful fiance, Laurence, one of our A.P.I. uncles. I could go on for hours about how amazing he is, but that will probably be its own post another time. For now, I will answer a question my good friend always asks, which is "what are the top three things you love about him?". My first answer is his undying faith in Christ. His faith encourages me, and builds me up. No matter what, he looks to Jesus to lead him, and trusts God to take care of us (a reminder I need often). Second, he is a protector of the weak and innocent. He believes in fighting for justice, and helping those who cannot help themselves. Third, he is trustworthy. I needed someone who could take all my dreams and fears, and protect them in his heart. He keeps his word, and protects my heart, and I trust him. We serve God better together, and he strengthens my faith daily. I am so lucky! So there is my little update on personal things :)
2. I am in America fundraising for Joseph's House. I love my kids, and I want them home with me so badly! They SO deserve a loving home and family, and I want them to be safe in their forever home. That said, its hard to be away from them. Its hard to be away from Laurence, and to be away from my boys. And they miss me, and I am not sure they trust I am coming back. I am trying so hard to raise this money, but its been a huge challenge. Its painful to be away from my home, and to see it hurt my kids. But mostly its been hard on my faith. And that is the point of this post. I feel like I have so many posts about trusting God, and His plans, and what He is doing in my life. Its my constant struggle; living a life that requires me to completely give up my own will, and trust that the Lord will lead me. All the while, letting go of my life and plans is (time and time again) the hardest thing for me to do. And I get swallowed with fear!
Fear that I will not be able to get the money to help my precious boys.
Fear that I will disappoint them, and break their hearts.
Fear that I will have to stay in America for a long time, trying to raise this money.
So many fears!!!
But God is good, and He reminds me to look at each step we've taken before this one. Each little jump I made getting to this point. Back in the days that it stretched my faith to leave school and go to Uganda. Back when I knew I was supposed to be in Africa, but had no money, plan, or sending agency to go through. Back when left my life behind to do this, and let go of everything in America. Even just a few months ago when I committed to following God down this path, which would eventually lead to Joseph's House. And I had no plan, and no idea how to raise 6 little (very traumatized) boys. But God has given me wisdom, and built relationships that I did not think these boys were capable of.
So again I stand before Him, completely at His mercy. Trusting, wholeheartedly, that this is the path Jesus is leading me down. And I get afraid and worried and stressed out (more than I have ever been in my life!). But I am reminded that this was not my idea, it was God's. He has given me this heart, and this passion, and through Him it will be fulfilled. Its totally humbling, and I know that this is only the beginning. Trusting Him to start Joseph's House is only the first step, because I am going to need to come before Him and trust He will show me the way every day after that. Every hard moment, or difficult decision. It can only happen through the Lord, but this is by His design, so that at the end, all glory goes to Him alone.
He has placed love in my heart that drives out these fears. When I think of my beautiful children, I am not afraid. I am determined, and steady, and confident. And when I think of loosing it all, or not raising this money, I am paralyzed. But then I remember Jesus, who I love above all. Who promises that he will be with me always, and God who's plan for me is perfect. And I know that as long as my King loves me (which is always, and unending), everything will be okay.
"There is no fear in love,
but perfect love casts out fear.
For fear has
to do with punishment,
and whoever fears has not been
perfected in love."-1 John 4:8
No comments:
Post a Comment