I was talking with someone the other day, about how I could never go back from this place. I have seen to much, known to much to ever forget. The faces of the hurting and the broken are fixed in my mind, their names written on my heart. I made this choice, to come and live here and serve these children. I made it because I wanted to, because I was called to, and in that time I have never doubted the choice I made. No matter how hard things get, its my calling. But now it goes beyond that, because there is no turning back from here. Like I said, I cannot forget. And once things are known, it changes you. It breaks a part of you, and holds on to your heart.
At the same time, my life is so much richer now. I was telling the person I was talking with that I love Uganda, I love these people so much because they live so hard. In every way, life here is FULL! People wear the brightest colors, and listen to the loudest music. The lyrics are fun and all music here sounds joyful, even if its about something sad. All day I am breathing in the scents of the city, and they are bold. Sometimes so sweet, and sometimes extremely foul, they are always there. And the people here go all or nothing with life. When they love, they love. They care for each other and build one another up. When they hurt they hurt. They grieve openly, sobbing and wailing. They shout their pain for everyone to hear.
I feel like life is happening all around me, and its full and bright and beautiful.
So do I deal with things here that most Americans will never struggle with? Yes. Do I see heartbreak that kills me every day? Yes. Are there days when this seems so hard I cannot stand it? Yes. But would I trade it for anything? NO! I want to live strong, and hard and give all of me as long as I am here to give it. And while sometimes the task seems daunting, its okay. Because the shadows prove the sunshine, and this a beautiful but broken world. And for ever heartache I see, there is an abundance of joy and love that makes up for it 100X over. Sometimes its scary, to love people so much because there is so much to loose... but now I have known that kind of joy and love. I have known it, and its clear to me that this is the kind of life God wants us to experience. Full of hurt, and joy and love... once you have lived like this, nothing else will be enough. I want to live this one life I have all or nothing. I want to take advantage of what Christ did for me- He offers me life to the fullest. Life is now, and I am not just going to sit back and enjoy it. Life is not just going to happen to me... its to fragile for that. No, my life is not just going to happen to me- I am going to live it.
And I am going to live hard :)
At the same time, my life is so much richer now. I was telling the person I was talking with that I love Uganda, I love these people so much because they live so hard. In every way, life here is FULL! People wear the brightest colors, and listen to the loudest music. The lyrics are fun and all music here sounds joyful, even if its about something sad. All day I am breathing in the scents of the city, and they are bold. Sometimes so sweet, and sometimes extremely foul, they are always there. And the people here go all or nothing with life. When they love, they love. They care for each other and build one another up. When they hurt they hurt. They grieve openly, sobbing and wailing. They shout their pain for everyone to hear.
I feel like life is happening all around me, and its full and bright and beautiful.
So do I deal with things here that most Americans will never struggle with? Yes. Do I see heartbreak that kills me every day? Yes. Are there days when this seems so hard I cannot stand it? Yes. But would I trade it for anything? NO! I want to live strong, and hard and give all of me as long as I am here to give it. And while sometimes the task seems daunting, its okay. Because the shadows prove the sunshine, and this a beautiful but broken world. And for ever heartache I see, there is an abundance of joy and love that makes up for it 100X over. Sometimes its scary, to love people so much because there is so much to loose... but now I have known that kind of joy and love. I have known it, and its clear to me that this is the kind of life God wants us to experience. Full of hurt, and joy and love... once you have lived like this, nothing else will be enough. I want to live this one life I have all or nothing. I want to take advantage of what Christ did for me- He offers me life to the fullest. Life is now, and I am not just going to sit back and enjoy it. Life is not just going to happen to me... its to fragile for that. No, my life is not just going to happen to me- I am going to live it.
And I am going to live hard :)
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