Last night at the younger boys home, two of our kids got in a fight. It was after I did art therapy with them, and they were all pretty tired. Add to that they hadn't had dinner yet, and a bunch of 8yr olds can get pretty grumpy. The fight was between Enoch and another boy whom I am going to call Champ in this post (its my nickname for him).
Champ is the smallest boy in our homes. Not the youngest, but definitely the smallest. He had a really hard time on the streets being so small, and because of that he has adopted the toughest demeanor of any of the younger (and most of the older) boys in the homes. Nobody messes with Champ, and nobody picks on him. I’ve never even seen him actually loose his temper, but his threats are enough apparently. He demands respect and attention, because that is the way he sees himself. A few weeks ago, I made a breakthrough with this little guy. See, he is not very affectionate because he doesn’t want people to see him as needy. He rarely seeks out attention from adults. But my breakthrough came when I had a moment alone with him. I asked him a lot of questions, and one of them was about ways he felt loved. Turns out he really needs physical touch- he just doesn’t want anyone to know it :) After that, we turned a new leaf and he became my little buddy. Sometimes he doesn’t even say anything, he just wants to be near me... and I love it.
So last night when Champ was in this fight, he got hurt pretty badly. Me and Uncle Peter came in the house to find him sobbing on the floor, holding his stomach where he had been kicked. Not wanting to cry in front of the others, he crawled off outside to be alone. I demanded that the other boys go inside for dinner, and then I followed Champ. I found him in a ball on the veranda outside the house, crying hysterically. I sat down with him, and pulled him into my lap; I knew I was doing something right because he didn’t resist. He continued to cry, and I just sat with him, rubbing his back and telling him it was okay. He had finally calmed down to the point I could talk to him, and so I leaned down and whispered words I think he has needed to hear his whole life...
“Champ, I know you are so so strong. You are brave, and tough and everyone knows how strong you are. But you know, even very strong people need to be sad and cry sometimes. And I want you to know that I will always love you, and think you are very brave. But you can always come to me, and cry and be sad or angry and tell me. And I wont tell anyone, I promise. But you should know its okay to be yourself around me”
As soon as the words had left my mouth, this precious little boy collapsed in a fresh round of sobs. He leaned into me, and let go, completely. He cried and cried until he was coughing and choking, and I just held him. And I told him I loved him over and over, and silently prayed for him. Eventually he cried himself out, and we just sat there in silence for a long time. When he was ready, we went inside and had dinner. Here is what was beautiful about this moment; I really think Champ had needed to feel that safety and trust, and it was maybe one of the first times he had. He has never been allowed to be a child. He had never been loved before he came to our homes; he was horrifically beaten by his father who left him to die. He has only ever known what it means to look out for himself, and that didn’t allow for falling apart. Or for being a child. Or for trusting another person.
We make breakthroughs like this every day here at A.P.I. We get to teach a child to trust, and to love. God uses us to heal. Sometimes my job is hard, and I feel overwhelmed pretty much all the time. But its all okay, honestly its all totally worth it. Because in moments like the one I had with Champ, true healing happens, and I know we are doing something really good. And I helped a beautiful little boy who needed to be loved SO badly.
I love my life :)
Champ is the smallest boy in our homes. Not the youngest, but definitely the smallest. He had a really hard time on the streets being so small, and because of that he has adopted the toughest demeanor of any of the younger (and most of the older) boys in the homes. Nobody messes with Champ, and nobody picks on him. I’ve never even seen him actually loose his temper, but his threats are enough apparently. He demands respect and attention, because that is the way he sees himself. A few weeks ago, I made a breakthrough with this little guy. See, he is not very affectionate because he doesn’t want people to see him as needy. He rarely seeks out attention from adults. But my breakthrough came when I had a moment alone with him. I asked him a lot of questions, and one of them was about ways he felt loved. Turns out he really needs physical touch- he just doesn’t want anyone to know it :) After that, we turned a new leaf and he became my little buddy. Sometimes he doesn’t even say anything, he just wants to be near me... and I love it.
So last night when Champ was in this fight, he got hurt pretty badly. Me and Uncle Peter came in the house to find him sobbing on the floor, holding his stomach where he had been kicked. Not wanting to cry in front of the others, he crawled off outside to be alone. I demanded that the other boys go inside for dinner, and then I followed Champ. I found him in a ball on the veranda outside the house, crying hysterically. I sat down with him, and pulled him into my lap; I knew I was doing something right because he didn’t resist. He continued to cry, and I just sat with him, rubbing his back and telling him it was okay. He had finally calmed down to the point I could talk to him, and so I leaned down and whispered words I think he has needed to hear his whole life...
“Champ, I know you are so so strong. You are brave, and tough and everyone knows how strong you are. But you know, even very strong people need to be sad and cry sometimes. And I want you to know that I will always love you, and think you are very brave. But you can always come to me, and cry and be sad or angry and tell me. And I wont tell anyone, I promise. But you should know its okay to be yourself around me”
As soon as the words had left my mouth, this precious little boy collapsed in a fresh round of sobs. He leaned into me, and let go, completely. He cried and cried until he was coughing and choking, and I just held him. And I told him I loved him over and over, and silently prayed for him. Eventually he cried himself out, and we just sat there in silence for a long time. When he was ready, we went inside and had dinner. Here is what was beautiful about this moment; I really think Champ had needed to feel that safety and trust, and it was maybe one of the first times he had. He has never been allowed to be a child. He had never been loved before he came to our homes; he was horrifically beaten by his father who left him to die. He has only ever known what it means to look out for himself, and that didn’t allow for falling apart. Or for being a child. Or for trusting another person.
We make breakthroughs like this every day here at A.P.I. We get to teach a child to trust, and to love. God uses us to heal. Sometimes my job is hard, and I feel overwhelmed pretty much all the time. But its all okay, honestly its all totally worth it. Because in moments like the one I had with Champ, true healing happens, and I know we are doing something really good. And I helped a beautiful little boy who needed to be loved SO badly.
I love my life :)
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