Sing Praise

So this past week, my Davis (UCD and church) community was rocked by the death of one of our own. A member of my college group, Linnea, had been missing since before I left. It was known that she had a mental break, and wasn’t doing good when she disappeared. The search went on for over 2 months, and finally resulted in the discovery of her body over this past week.

I will admit that when she first went missing, it occurred to me that she may not come home. I searched as much as I could in the days prior to my leaving for Uganda, but there was a lot of hope in that time. The searchers and her family had a lot of faith, and there was potential sightings of her. I gave it up to God, and let go. I honestly believed she would eventually come back. That said, it was a shock when she was discovered dead; thinking she couldn't win against the pain she was feeling, she decided to end her life.

Linnea was a beautiful 19yr old who’s life was full of potential and love. I am thankful that she was a believer, and that we have God’s promise of salvation and eternity with her. My job, the place I live, the things I see do not allow for doubt of God’s goodness. If I question the character of my King, I loose everything. Its so hard though, when something terrible happens. When a child I love dies, or cannot come into our home, or is raped. When I see people starving, or witness horrible things. When a beautiful, young college comitts suicide.

A few years ago, I had the privilege of serving at camp with a family who had just lost their baby. Jarrod, the husband, is a pastor. This couple had two boys, and were well loved in their community. But their youngest son, Tyler, never woke up from his nap one day. I met them exactly three weeks after their four month old baby died. Three weeks! They had already been speaking at another camp before ours... this couple had amazing faith. I remember talking to Jarrod about it one night after campfire, about how they were getting through it.  What he told me changed my view of God forever.

Jarrod told me that at Tyler’s funeral, he and his wife could hardly stand because of their grief. Even though they were weak, they stood with hands lifted high praising God. He told me that some days, all he could tell God was how angry he was. How betrayed by God he felt, and how much he was hurting by God’s choice. But through the pain and the anger, he continued to praise Jesus. He said 

“People die every day. Every day, someone’s child is lost, and people are starving and hurting and broken. That is the world we live in, and it always has been. What kind of hypocrite am I, that today, when I am the one being effected by this broken world, suddenly the character of God changes? God never changes. I sang His praise last month when it was someone else's child, because He is good and holy. And I will sing His praise today when it was my child, because He is still good and holy. God is always God”

I thought it then, and I think it now- how true. How much more should I praise God through my pain, because He never changes. He is and was and always will be. Death hurts, but God won that fight for us. Death may hurt, but it cannot destroy anymore. And there is joy and hope and goodness in that... and that is the true character of God.

Bushenyi (Where the Honey is)

Sorry for the delay in posting. Things here haven’t been super exciting and I had the flu a few days ago, so that further postponed what I wanted to post about.

Last week we took one of our boys Emma to visit his family. He really loves his step mom, but her new husband wouldn’t let him stay when they got married. His village is in a district called Bushenyi, and they are famous for their honey. Its about 14 hours round trip, and we did it in one day! We wanted the day to be really special for him, so me and Abby and uncle Abdul packed lots of snacks and made special playlists on my ipod for him. We drove and drove in my 20 year old car (what a trooper!). We made it there and back totally safe and without car troubles, which is a miracle.

** Side Note** I was blown away by the difference between going west and north in Uganda. I’ve driven the same distance north, and the effect is totally different! In the west, where we went, things are developed. There are homes and little towns the whole way. There is infrastructure and gas stations and its not the middle of nowhere! In the north, its totally the opposite. The country is still totally devastated by the war. There are refugee camps, and stick mud huts, and hours without seeing a building. Its tragic and also amazing how one tiny country (Uganda is about the size of Oregon) can be so divided. ***

Back to my story.. So although the day was super long, it was totally worth it to see the smile on Emma’s face when he saw his family :)

Emma is a really special boy. People who come on teams always remember him, because once you know him and his smile, he’s impossible to forget. He is really good at knowing when people are hurting, and cheering them up. He wants to be a comedian, and honestly has a gift. He is REALLY funny, and knows how to make any audience laugh. He takes super good care of me too. One of my first memories of Emma is from when I first came with the FBC team. I had been walking in the slum all day, and when I got to the boys home my feet were really dirty. Emma lead me out to the back, and washed them for me. It was the most humble of acts from a boy who the world had turned their back on. He was really mistreated, and his family dysfunction is through the roof. He suffered a lot on the streets, but is still so open to love.

Emma is an example of how God’s love can heal and redeem. Even though they hurt him, Emma still loves his family and desires to know them. That is how God feels about us too.. we love a God of reconciliation. Altogether, it was a long but good day in the land of honey.

A Day in the Life...

So we had an awesome volunteer come last week. Michael was only here for a short time, but he was able to do SO many incredible things. He spent time building up and encouraging our staff. He counseled the ladies in our Hope program. And he spent time with the boys.

One thing we have been wanting to do for a long time is take pictures documenting the life of a street kid. Its always a problem because when a white girl does it, everyone stops doing what they normally do. We cause a scene, basically. So me and Abby and whomever else can't do it. But Michael, being a guy, fit in much better. People also don't like it when you take their picture, because they feel exploited. But we aren't taking their pic to show "sad poor Africans". We do however want to show what its really like to be a street kid- all the brutal realities that go with it. Michael was able to be really discrete in taking pictures. His eyes weren't jaded, and he captured a lot of little details that others may miss.

These pictures are now on a public album on my Facebook. They will also be on  Aperfectinjustice.blogspot.com. A picture is worth a thousand words...



Click here to see my Facebook album

Moses Came Home

Moses is a really sweet little boy in our programs. He is always polite and is pretty quiet, but has a true heart of gold. We have had our eye on him for a few weeks as far as coming into the home. However much we may want a child in the homes, its always hard deciding. We really rely on God to lead, because our own judgment can be wrong. As much as we may love a child, we never want to bring a boy home who may hurt the other children.That being said, Abby was waiting on God to confirm that Moses was supposed to come home. Yesterday, that is exactly what God did!

Our friend Heidi got a strange call from a man yesterday afternoon. It was from Mose’s father, and he was threatening to come and bring Moses back home. Not understanding what this was all about, David went to Kivulu to find Moses and ask him about his father. Turns out Moses has a good reason for running away from home- his father is a terribly powerful and evil man. Moses told David that his father had been arrested for murder, but had only served two years (he has enough power to pay his way out of jail). His father had apparently soled all his sister and wives for prostitution, as well as raping all his daughters. He would beat Moses endlessly too. Among other unspeakable acts, he also practices witchcraft. As part of that, he practices sacrifice (human sacrifice). Moses ran away because he found out his father was going to sacrifice him to get more power. Here, unfortunately, child sacrifice is pretty common in villages. Children are decapitated and dismembered so their killers may gain “pure powers” from some unknown deity.

So, naturally, we were horrified to know that this evil man was coming for our precious Moses! Yesterday, Abby sent out prayer requests that Moses would be safe. David had to take him to the police station in his village so that we could be awarded custody; this was frightening because we had to take Moses close to his home, where his father could potentially find him. It was also scary because his father, having a lot of money and power, could have paid off the police to get his son back. But, not having any other choice, David took him.

“Praise the LORD! Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!” Psalm 106:1

Its simple, people- praise the Lord for He is good! God not only protected Moses today and allowed A.P.I. to be awarded custody, but He also gave us the total confirmation we needed to bring Moses home. There is no other place for him, except in the safety of our Forever Homes!

Today will be his homecoming day, and its very special. On a boy’s homecoming, Mama Joyce (or another auntie) picks the child up and takes him shopping. Today, Moses will get a whole new wardrobe, new school supplies, shoes, and personal items (toothbrush, comb, etc.) They will then go to a special lunch. We always want this meal to be special, because its the beginning to the end of hunger. After this meal, Moses will always have a full belly- this meal marks the end to his worries. So he can stuff himself on chicken and rice and beans and whatever else he likes! Then, he will go back to Bombo with Mama Joyce, where all the boys will be waiting to welcome their new brother. I am sure he will be welcomed with cheers and hugs. He will get to see his new house, and the bed that we bought just for him.

I just spent a hour waiting with him at my house, where Mama Joyce was to meet us. We played with Sugar (Abby’s dog) and he was excited to learn he would have a dog at his new home. We watched a movie (Sinbad: Legends of the Seven Seas) and laughed together. I gave him chocolate and mints. We took pictures on my computer, and laughed at the funny effects on Photo Booth. And he danced and sang for me. Now he is at the market, getting all his new things. Tomorrow when I see him, he will belong to a family. A family that will never hurt him, but will love and provide for him. A family that will water him with the love of Christ as he grows.

Today makes my heart sing with joy, and I feel like its going to burst with love. Today, a miracle happened. Today, Moses came home :)

Eyes on Jesus

He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. - Matthew 14:29-32

 
 I wanted to give a shout out to my parents who blessed me in a HUGE way by helping me buy a car here. I really wanted one before I came, because it would be safer and easier to travel long distances, but I didn't have the money. I told God if He wanted me to have one, He would have to provide it- and He did. My dad has been working selling copper off some old doors for me, and the money from that paid for it! How cool that selling scrap metal bought me a car, since its also how my boys make money? Thank you Lord for providing. Thank you dad (and mom) for looking out for me.

Today street programs were so fun!! I decided that I wanted to start doing lessons on Mondays, as well as reading to the boys. I am going to be teaching on animals, and today we started with bears. I mostly just did fun facts, and gave out candy when I asked questions about it. The boys really enjoyed it, and paid really good attention. I told them they could pick which animals we talk about, and they all excitedly raised their hands for suggestions. Next week we are talking about three types of birds. I picked Harry Potter for reading, because every child should get to go to Hogwarts ;) Here, people only tell stories, they don't read books, so reading it was a little different. It worked well because I have read it 100 times, but I got to tell the story more than actually read it. Summarizing the fun parts, skipping over the stuff that doesn't translate. The boys LOVED it even though we just got through the first chapter of the first book, so nothing really cool has happened yet. But they asked a ton of questions, and were really eager to hear the next part. I am excited to read it to them, because I remember my mom reading to me as a child. Its great bonding time, as well as so fun to imagine the books. Often when I take on a new responsibility, its something I enjoy, but its also stressful. I have a lot to do and there is always more! This however, doesn't feel stressful at all- I really loved it. I feel really renewed for street programs, and really excited to be doing this with the kids.

I think sometimes here, I get lost in all the stuff I have to do, and all the directions our ministry is going. There is never enough time in the day. My life is my ministry, and my ministry is my life. These kids are 24/7... there is no 9-5 for us. One thing God has been helping me with is taking a true sabbath for myself (Tuesdays), and I now know why He created one :) Still, its hard! Its a lot, and it feels unending. A few nights ago, I was thinking about this and Peter again came to my mind. For anyone who doesn't know, I love learning from Peter- I think he was just so human. So eager to please Jesus and still so broken.

So here again, we find Peter trying, and failing when he does it on his own. Out in the middle of the storm, having trusted Jesus enough to step off the boat (which is a pretty huge step if you ask me). Trusting enough to step off, but then he begins to sink. In my mind, when I picture this moment, I think the moment he faltered was when he took his eyes off Jesus. Up until that point, Christ had His eyes locked with Peter, and all Peter could see was what he was walking towards. He doesn't fear anything, because all he sees is the strong and sure eyes of his King. But then, Peter gets distracted. He  notices that he is, in fact, walking on water in the middle of a storm. He realizes how far out from the boat he is. When he becomes afraid, he breaks eye contact to get a better look at the storm around him, which only frightens him more... then he falls. Now, knowing the story we know that Christ reaches out His hand to save Peter, and everything is okay, because that is the kind of God we serve.

As I follow Jesus on this crazy journey that is my life, I feel like Peter. Its like I am looking at Jesus, and He is right there, right in front of me. His eyes are sure, and His voice steady. My "eye contact" with Him creates a tightrope, and as long as I keep my eyes locked on Him, I can walk it. But the second I begin to look around, to wonder what I am doing, I feel alone and I falter. Its SO EASY to do too, because all around me are these huge impossible tasks, and I want to pause and take a look at the storm- I want to give into that fear, and stand in awe of all the possible risks I am taking. But doing so would mean drowning, and so instead I trust. I trust that Jesus will not lead me where I do not have the strength to go. I trust that He will not leave me in the middle of this storm. I will fail, just like Peter. But Jesus will still be right there, ready to reach out His hand and save me. I will get right back up on my tightrope, and refocus so I can continue walking towards Him with all I am.

All the Single Ladies :)

Okay, first sorry for not posting sooner. Second, sorry if this seems lame and not relevant to anyone. I have just been thinking about it a lot the past week, and I wanted to share about it. This one is for all my single ladies!

Having a best friend who is married is kinda challenging sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel left out or anything. Its just that sometimes, watching Abby and David together is a little hard. It reminds me of what I don’t have.  So a few weeks ago I was talking with Abby about it. About how its hard, and how I wonder sometimes if I will ever find someone. I trust that I will- honestly I do. I just wonder sometimes how long it will take. I think many single girls wonder the same thing. I get sucked into the guessing game. I meet a nice, godly man and wonder...
And yet a huge part of me isn’t ready. This year was filled with heartbreak and loss. My heart is still fragile, still healing. Abby pointed out to me that God wasn’t withholding someone from me, but actually protecting me. That even if the right guy came into my life right now, I wouldn’t be ready for him, and it would cause more pain.

This conversation got me thinking about stuff, like all the “almost” relationships I had. So many times I’ve asked God “why not him?”. Am I not faithful enough? Not mature enough? Not devoted enough? But now I look back and realize that if any of those had worked out, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have followed my calling (or I would have done it at a high price). I wouldn’t have been free to go! All those relationships that ended in “almost” lead me here.

Its comforting to see that now, because it reminds me that someday, I will look at my husband and be thankful for all the times I turned away from someone else. When God brings him, and I know He will, its going to be the perfect fit. There will be no second guessing, and no wondering if I should be waiting for something else. I will know it, just like I know I belong here in Uganda. Like I know I belong serving street kids. I will just know :)

Beaten, Broken, Scarred

A few weeks ago, I was walking through Kivulu. I was going through a narrow ally, on my way to programs. That part of Kivulu is the unseen part, even by those of us who work there. Its the dark part, where drugs are sold, and women sell themselves. These tiny streets are lined with doorways to the smallest mud houses you’ve ever seen.- they are literally the size of my bathroom. While walking, I came across a man with (presumably) his girlfriend or wife. He had her by the arm, and she was sobbing. He was hitting her hard in the face and head repeatedly. He was drunk.

Last week, I was walking through the same part of the neighborhood when I came across a woman and her young daughter. The girl was probably 10. She was cowering under her mother, who had a stick and was beating her with it, seemingly as hard as she could. The little girls screams made me cringe.

This weekend, at the land, there was a commotion at our neighbors house. As me and the boys walked back from the soccer field, we could hear shouting and crying. Sure enough, the neighbor boy (about 13) was being beaten. Apparently he had been wandering around the village when he was supposed to be fetching water. His mother had a huge stick, and was striking him again and again. It lasted a full 15 min.

My boys show the scars from abuse like this. They’ve had their flesh burned off, and their heads split open. They’ve been poisoned. They’ve been tied up and beaten, or tied to trees and left to die in the jungle. They’ve seen and suffered horrific things. Its easy to tell when a dog has been abused. You may raise your hand to throw a ball, or to pet it, and the dog cowers before you. I have seen this same effect with my boys; a sudden hand raised for high-five makes them shrink from me. This kind of abuse makes me sick. You may think you know what it looks like, but your imagination does not do it justice. Until you’ve heard the blows (real blows, because its nothing like in the movies people...) you cannot know how hideous it is. In America, children are seen as sacred. They are cherished, often spoiled. And while that may be to extreme, its closer to the truth. In Uganda, children are worthless. They are a burden. They are expendable, and punished like animals. In America, women get abused, but there is help for them. The law recognizes this is wrong, and there are safe places for them to go. Here, its the norm to beat your wife. Powerless people take their anger out on those even more powerless- usually children but often women too. I hate it. I hate that people feel so powerless in the first place, but I also hate that others suffer for it. It does however, remind me how amazing God is.

God, who is the Almighty and Most High, has all the power. And He does not abuse it. He is a God of mercy, love and comfort. His fierce love protects. His grace covers all. Jesus suffered abuse and pain so bad they had to make a word for it (excruciating= crucified). My job here is to love these boys, who have mostly only known pain. They haven’t seen real love, or a gentile hand. But I have, because of my parents and my family. But also because I know Christ. And so here I am, to offer, quite literally, the hands of Christ. Hands that heal, and comfort and love. Because maybe, if they can see that I can love them, and that my hands offer love and protection, then they will also see my heart. And if they can see and believe that my heart truly loves them, then they can see the Lord working there- they can that all these things I offer them are not mine, but are actually God reaching and working through me. I am here so that they may know the true character and heart of the King.