Tu Mutende

Tu Mutende is one of my favorite luganda songs. Its called "we praise Him" in English. I praise my King for the amazing things He did in my last few days in Uganda.

Last time I posted, my two kids had run away. Little Bashil, whom I love and adore, was gone because he was angry at me. I was so worried and heartbroken, sure that the damage done my me leaving could not be fixed. I had little faith though, because God is bigger than me, and His healing is amazing. Two nights ago, the boys came home on their own (meaning they realized their mistake and wanted to be back in our home). Bashil apologized and said he did not like the streets, and that he was so sorry and would never run again. He wasn't even mad at me for leaving- he told me he loved me and continued to spend time with me up until the moment I left. This is remarkable, and seriously shows how far he has come from the broken, stubborn, guarded child that first came into Abby's home. God has done beautiful things in healing that child, and I am more in love with Jesus for it (if that is possible).

On Wednesday night, I went to my friend David's house (David who does the paper beads). We had a little goodbye dinner with some of the street kids I am closest to. It was an amazing night. Me, David, Uncle Mark, and about 15 of our kids sat in David's one room house. By candlelight, we read stories out of the bible just to entertain the boys. We sang and prayed for about 30min, and ate together. I got a chance to just share with those boys how much I love them. It was there, in that little room with candles, listening to David's rich African voice sing worship that I again realized how much I love my God. I love Him for being a King of all people, all languages, and all places. I love Him for creating me for Africa, and for sending me there.

Thursday night I took the boys at our home a special dinner. We ate together, and played some cards, and then I said goodbye. It was hard leaving, but its easier knowing I will be back in December. Even so, I was sobbing by the time I left. I know my boys love me, and I that God put them in my life to stay. In the 10 weeks I am home in America, I will be thinking of them and the street kids, every day.

One prayer request I have is that I would be able to serve God equally effectively for the boys while I am in America. That means not sinking into depression because I am not in Africa. Please pray that God gives me joy in serving Him wherever I am, because I know that His plans for me (even regarding my kids) do not end here. There is so much work to be done, so let my heart be willing :)

I am going to board my flight soon, but as I leave there are a few things that my heart is sure of. The first is that God created me for this- for working with street kids and living in Uganda. He made my heart specifically for this work, and I am so blessed to know that. When I get home, I am going to begin my application with GTN, and then spend the next few months gathering support to become a full time missionary here. The second thing goes along with that, and it is that Uganda is my home. I know that no matter how long I am gone from this place, it will always be my home. This is not goodbye to Uganda, this is just the end of the beginning. The end of finding my calling, and getting comfortable with the idea of being here full time. Now Uganda is my reality, and I am prepared and in love with the idea of living out what God has called me to do with my life!

Two-a-Days

Okay I know I just posted, it was morning for me, and now tonight I am posting again. I just really feel like sharing how I am feeling, which is a mix of many emotions and thoughts . . .

Its pouring out, and our boys did not come home all day, meaning that they are out in the cold right now. They are probably in the mud somewhere, because Uganda gets muddy in the rain. I keep hearing the gate and my heart jumps at the idea that my boys are home, but they don't come. I can't help but crying as I write this- I am heartbroken. Please, please pray that God moves in their hearts and brings them back to us.

Tomorrow, me and Abby are going craft shopping and spending the day together. I have been so blessed by her and our friendship. I am the kind of person who needs someone that I am CLOSE to, like, really good friends. When I left for Uganda, I did not know who that person would be, but I knew God would provide me with someone. That amazing girl is Abby. She is so wise, and fun to be with, and compassionate, and our hearts for the kids look very similar. I love working with her, but mostly I love being her friend, and thinking about the future of our friendship in Uganda fills me with joy.

I hate change. I hate the unfamiliar. I hate building my life in Uganda, and still living one in the US. It leaves me discontented and torn. I know that God has a plan, and I see Him moving the pieces into place, its just my timing is off. Whenever God is about to bring me into a new situation, I always resist. Its like He is urging me toward a great cliff, promising to catch me, but I dig in my heals. And then, there is always a moment when God moves not just in my life, but in my heart. Then, all the sudden I am ready. I know that before I go, as I pray and take comfort in my return, God will bring my heart to that point. I will still be sad, because the little loves of my life are staying here, but I will be ready. Not just ready to give into His plans, but ready to run and jump off, because even in my fear I know He will catch me.

Tears in the Sunshine

 Yesterday was the begining of goodbye. First, I dropped Eddy and one of the other street kids (Ibra, whom I ADORE) off at Alpha and Omega boarding school. Saying goodbye to them was really hard, because it was the last time I will see them until December. Me and Eddy both cried, which only made it worse. I felt like a parent saying goodbye as their child leaves for college. Then I got home and had missed the goodbye of the three boys in our home (Sadic, Peter and William) who are in P7. They had also left for boarding, and I am not sure I will get a chance to see them before I go.



Eddy, Me and Ibra (sorry the pic is funny)



Me and little Bashil have been in a sort of battle for the past few weeks. He is constantly trying to prove I love him, and I am constantly not meeting his ridiculouse expectations. Last night when I got home. he was in a really weird mood. He kept saying he loved me, but that I was a terrible person. He said I was not a Christian, that I did not really love the boys, that I had secret bad behavior and words. The list went on and on, and when he refused to leave my room, even by force, I started to cry. He finally left me to sit and clean up my overturned rice (which had gotten stepped on in our struggle) in the dark room (no electricity). Other boys ( Emma and Monday) came in, and helped me clean my floor, and comforted me as I wept from the stress of that day. I cried even harder at the contrast of their kindness in light of what had just happened. Jesus used two preteen boys to show His love for me last night.

After I calmed down, I went in and had a talk at devotions. I told the boys that I loved them so much, and that the Holy Spirit had given me love for them, so nothing they did could ever make me stop. I also told them that I was really dissapointed in the way they had treated me this summer, and that if they continued to treat other aunties like this (which they have done in the past) people would not want to come visit them. Mostly I told them I loved them, and I thought it went fairly well.

Thismorning I woke up to terrible news. Little Bashil and another boy had run away. They said it was for different reasons, but I know it was because of what I said last night. I feel super guilty, like its all my fault, and have spent the time since I heard this news in tears. Abby spoke truth when she said that we dicipline them like a normal family would, but these kids are just runners. She also made the point that I said what I said because I love them, because I want them to grow into goldy men. I still feel aweful, like its all my fault.

Jesus thinks what Abby thinks, because when I was doing my devotion today, I came across this passage in Hebrews. "let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from the guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water" 10:22

For me, today, this verse applies to the way I love the kids. I have faith that God will give me the heart to perservere. And I can be washed clean of my guilt because I acted in Spirit filled love. I have faith in God, meaning I am SURE of God. I know that God has everything in His mighty hands, and I am SURE He will take care of it. The next few days are going to be really hard, and I am not looking forward to them at all. I have no doubt that this is going to be the hardest part of my whole trip (even with the certainty I will be back). I have so much anxiety about leaving the boys, especially when my leaving makes something like this happen. So I will have faith in my King; being sure He will fufill what I hope for and certain His is in control of what I cannot see (or forsee).

My Ugandan Life....

Sorry its been so long, but life here gets crazy! We have a pair of dentists from the US running a clinic for our boys and people in the community this week. I was not prepared to become a dental assistant, but that is what my job is. Its kinda fun, and also exhausting, so every night I get done and go strait to bed. My job with A.P.I never seems like work to me, so this must be what it feels like to those less fortunate.

Last week, we took in a 7yr old boy named Yahyah. I was super looking forward to posting a nice blog just like the one David got. Yahyah (maybe I talked about him before) is so broken. He does so many drugs, and until I met him, I had never seen true hopelessness in someones eyes before. He breaks my heart because he is a really wonderful kid. When we took him in, he had an almost immediate turnaround. He would chase the dog around and act like a puppy (such a kid thing to do) and he would rollerskate ALL day. He loved getting hugs and spending time with the aunties and uncles- everything looked good. Two days ago however, he ran away. We are not sure why, and when we went to find him, he hid from us in the slums. It breaks my heart that God provided such a good chance for him, and that Yahyah was so happy, but Satan used this broken world to entice him back into a broken life. Please be praying that Jesus works in his heart, and that Yahyah comes home!

I do have a story of praise though :) Last Friday at programs, we found one of the boys there, Richard, who was so sick. He is a little mentally impaired (I think, and so did the doctors) and he mistook a soda bottle for a bottle of acid. We don't know how much he drank, but he was in bad shape when we found him the next day. Me and my friend Eddy rushed him to the hospital (yes, being in a third world hospital is as bad as you'd imagine) and stayed with him for two days. Late on Friday night, with his tongue totally burned and crying of pain even on morphine, the doctors told me he may not make it (he was throwing up his stomach lining). I was terrified, and all I could do was hold his little hand a pray like crazy. God is amazing, and healed this precious boy. Yesterday when I saw him, Richard was totally back to normal. I love that kid, and I love Jesus!!

I come home a week from Friday, and I am getting really nervous. I think the shock of being back in America is going to be the hardest part of this whole experience, and I really have to trust that God is going to get me through it. For those who don't know, I am officially on staff with A.P.I. I am getting ready to send in my application to Global Training Network so I can start raising support for my life as a missionary. My plan is to finish school, and come back to Uganda. I want to spend 4 months in Uganda, then 2 in the US, and just repeat this cycle so that I am not in Uganda ALL the time, just most of it. I have learned more Luganda than I ever could have guessed, and even dream in it almost every night. I am going to continue learning when I come home, so that when I come back in December I will know even more (did I mention I am coming back December 1st? I can't remember...). I feel so at home here, and it amazes me that saying "I am a missionary in Uganda" feels so easy. The street kids are the most amazing children I have ever met, and God breaks my heart for them in new ways ever day. I cannot imagine my life without them in it now. My life is like a puzzle, and God is slowly filling in the pieces- I just love watching each one fall into place.

Your name is like honey on my lips,

Your Spirit like water to my soul,

Your Word is a lamp unto my feet,

Jesus I love you, I love You

Feels Like Home

This week at camp has been amazing so far, and its only the first full day. For those at home who can picture me, imagine me doing these things...

Swimming in Lake Victoria. Jumping off the dock with 10 little kids. In the shallow part, teaching them to dogie paddle and how to float (an excellent exercises in trust!)

Lounging in the grass, watching the kids that I adore so much play endless football, my hair loose and my face warmed by the sun.

Watching the sun set over the lake, marveling at how a sunset can be so many colors. Then after it gets dark, standing out on a veranda in my sweatshirt, watching a lightning storm over the water (breathtaking).

Singing and dancing to African music by a campfire on the beach. My kids are all around me, and we are laughing and praising Jesus is a totally fun African way!

I am pretty sure that in all of those instances, the look/ word to describe me would be "pure joy". Its a joy that comes from Jesus Himself, and I know this because my headache came back full force yesterday (oh well...). But there is still no place in the world I would rather be. God gave me a deep love for my family, friends, and Davis. But if home is where the heart is, then I truly have two homes. Uganda and these kids have completely captured me- my heart sings with joy.

Joy for my Creator who gives all. Joy for the wonderful, supportive family I come from. Joy for the new adventures life is bringing me. Joy for Uganda and its beauty. And joy for my precious little boys

Camp Dembe

Okay people, sorry its been so long! Life here got buys, and then I got knocked out for a week with a wicked migraine headache, but now I am back :) This week is a little different than usual. I am in Entebbe, getting ready for summer camp. There is a team of college students from Point Loma in CA that have been planning (all year) to run a camp for the boys in our home and the boys at another home called African Hearts (who also work with street kids). Me and Gina are going to be camp counselors along with the 6 other Americans, and 6 Ugandan staff members. We are going to have about 50 kids. Camp Dembe (Peace) as we are calling it, is at the zoo! We are staying in dorms and so far it has been an adventure. I have been here two days, the kids are not even here yet, and already I've had so much fun. We had a bonfire on the beach, took a night walk through the zoo (the lions were all awake and I got to pet a hyena!!). Today, I held a baby crocodile, scratched the back of a rhino, and fed a baby monkey my breakfast (there is a "tribe" of monkeys that live naturally in this area, so they join us for mealtime hoping for scraps). Its going to be a fun week- I just know it

My group of campers is going to be mostly boys from our home, as well as a few from African Hearts. I, along with another guy and two Ugandan helpers, am leading the 15/16 yr kids. In my group are some of my favorite boys from the house, and I am looking forward to getting to spend some different/quality time with them. I am also just excited about camp; I LOVE being a counselor for RCP, and was really bummed I didn't get to do it this year. Little did I know that God would still be providing me with a fun camp experience.

Two nights ago, I called home crying hysterically. I was so exhausted from my headache, and so emotionally worn down from a lot of things that have happened here recently. I also had some hard personal stuff back home, which didn't help. On top of all that, I only have a few weeks left here, and although I am coming back in December, its going to break my heart to leave. All of that combined kind of lead to an emotional meltdown, and I was telling my mom that I did not know how God was going to pull me out if that pit, let alone get me through this week at camp (where I need to be 110%). Jesus is amazing though, and He never lets me down. At my lowest of lows, He took me away from everything. He provided me with a beautiful environment, and relieved me of my migraine. He gave me new and amazing friends, and together we are enjoying a lot of laughter. I feel refreshed and excited for what is to come. God is wonderful- have I ever said how deeply I love Him??

Divine Love

On Monday, me and Abby were walking to programs after we had lunch. We had decided to walk around Kiseka Market instead of through it (for no good reason, especially since its the shortest way). About a block into our walk, we saw a little boy around 10 coming down the street. His clothes were filthy and torn, and he had no shoes. In his hands he held three empty water bottles, as well as a bottle of chenge- this little kid is one of ours. We stopped him and asked his name (Jude) and if he wanted to come to programs. He said yes, but we told him we did not accept drugs into our programs. Immediately, he dropped all the bottles he was carrying, and began to walk with us. A moment later, I asked him how he was, and he said he was "good!" with a huge smile on his face. That day Jude got a new haircut, juice and chapati, and our love.

I cannot describe the love I felt when I saw Jude walking down the street. It did not matter that I had never seen him before; I did not need to know him to love and accept him. It was a moment of instant familiarity and belonging, like he had always had a place in my heart and I just didn't know it yet. Its amazing to me what the love of Christ looks like, that no matter where these kids have been or what they've done, I love them. Sometimes they drive me insane, and sometimes I spend the whole day yelling trying to control them, but I still adore them. My heart lights up with passion and love whenever I see them on the streets, and I want to yell "I LOVE you!" to each little ragged child I spot. Like I said, I cannot even describe it, but I know that I feel this way because Jesus has given me a little piece of His own heart for these kids. And although I only have a small glimpse into His love for them, its still so intense. It both frightens me, and amazes me- the Bible is right when it says we cannot know the depth of our Fathers love for us. I honestly think it would kill me, so much love cannot be contained in a human (more proof that Jesus was who He claimed to be). What is more amazing is that God loves EVERY person He created like this- each one of His children is loved just as strong as the next. When Jesus found me, He called me by name. I was like Jude, lost in this world. Jesus saw me, filthy and broken and needing Him. And His heart lit up with passion infinitely deeper than mine- I was His, and He had found me!

I can only offer these boys (or anyone else) the love that Jesus has given me for them. And while that is strong, it is not enough. His love is deeper, and stronger and everlasting. His love is Divine, and in it, they are secure.