Hope Never Dies

 Before I write, I want to set this scene for you. Right now, I am sitting on my veranda at 8 am. The sun is not high, and there is a haze over the city. I can see the rolling hills, and the lush green gardens of my house. It smells like rain, even though there was no rain. If anyone has ever been awake early in the morning in Hawaii- that is how it feels. Cool but balmy, and sweet. I have been getting up every morning to read my bible out here, because these mornings are just to beautiful to miss.

On Wednesday I was at street programs hanging out with a few boys I have known for a long time. I love to meet new faces, but its both hard and nice to see familiar ones. As the kids played a game, I sat back and talked with two of these boys (by the way, my Luganda is much better!). One of these boys is named Kato. He is quiet and respectful, but recently every time I see him, he is sad. I was trying to cheer him up, talking to him and telling him how much he is loved. Finally, he gave me a smile... a real smile. It transformed his face into the beautiful, hopeful boy I knew. Later, a boy named Alex (who God has been pressing even more on my heart, and who I will post about later) showed up. I have been waiting for him, wanting to see him. When he saw me, his face broke out into a smile. He is one of those boys that is really difficult, and who people give up on- but he knows we LOVE HIM so much and so he returns to programs. He knows I love him, and he has given me the great honor of his trust. But like Kato, I am watching the hope draining out of his eyes, and it kills a little part of me. We joked around, and I bought him a ice cream. I rejoice each time I see the spark of the happy child he is supposed to be.

Flash forward to yesterday, and I was at our homes in Bombo. Seeing those boys was equally joyful, especially because I have been watching them grow up for the past three years. I know them well, and they know me. There is a trust and love there built on time, and its wonderful. I am so proud of them! They were once an unruly bunch of boys strait off the streets, and now they are boys who live in a family, in a home. God is transforming their lives, making them into young men who love Him. Spending time with them yesterday filled me up, because it was easy and comfortable, but it also gave me great hope. They are the example of what God wants to do with our street boys. How much He desires to rescue them, and transform their lives. See, God is the King of redemption. There is nobody to far from His hand, and nobody that His heart can forget. Each of our boys can be saved and transformed. Each of them holds a valuable place in Christ's Kingdom. One of the boys at our program was wearing a shirt that said "hope never dies" the other day. Its true. God never loses hope. My hope never dies for these boys. With God, these boys will always have hope.

When I post about Alex, I am going to talk about a new branch of ministry we are praying to launch. Its a project my heart lights on fire about, one I want to see come very soon. It would be a place where hope for these boys that have been on the streets a long time can be resurrected. Please be praying for the boys who are hopeless right now, that they would hear God calling in their hearts a song of redemption, and that their "dead" hearts would beat anew.

Here at Home

So I am sitting in my new living room, with my new friend Lauren. Its beautiful and peaceful, with a big garden and green lawn. Later, I am going to search for a puppy with Abby and David. Thursday I have teams coming, and programs. The women are graduating, and we are going to the land, and life is moving so fast, but I am just so excited that I am peaceful.

Three days ago, I was SO AFRAID that I had made the wrong choice about moving. During my flight, and my layover in Dubai I was so homesick it actually hurt. I cried and cried, and it felt like my heart would never heal. I was angry with God, because He made me fall in love with two places and peoples, and I felt like I would never have peace about it. Before I boarded my flight to Entebbe, I called my mom and told her that if I still felt so upset I wasn't staying, I couldn't do it.

I want to acknowledge that God knows me much better than I do, better than everyone. Knowing this doesn't always make it easy to trust Him, but I always should. The moment I stepped off the plane, I literally felt a wave of peace wash over me. As my plane was landing, I looked out my window and thought "I'm home" and it was so natural. I got off the plane and ate pizza with Abby and David and it was perfect. And I set up my room, and unpacked everything. It hurts a little bit because I look around and see my things so permanently in my room and its not in the home with my family, but this is so right.

I will post more later, and everyone should know that my internet is being temperamental. I don't have much to report on because I have only been to programs once, and haven't seen my kids from our homes at all yet. But seeing the ladies was amazing, and being back at street programs was also great! I am excited to get to know a new group of boys, and watch God transform their lives. But I just wanted to post and say that I am here, and safe, and really happy. Thanks for all your prayers :)

Thank God for Planes

This is just a little blurb about being a missionary in the modern world. I wanted to praise God for all the beautiful minds He created, for all the technology we have. I have read a lot of personal accounts from missionaries living in the 19 and 20th century, and it makes me realize how amazing I have it. On Friday, I am moving across the world, while that seems daunting, its really only about 2 days away by plane. Airfare is reasonable, and travel is uncomplicated. If I was making this trip 100 years ago, it would look drastically different. I would be staying goodbye to my parents at a doc, ready to part with them possibly forever. Many missionaries left their families for good, either being to poor or to ill to ever travel back to their homelands. I get to see my family in 6 months. While I am whining about the difficulties of my super long flight, its really going to be over in 2 days. If I was making this trip in 1912, I would be facing months at sea, and many stops in foreign countries. When I arrived in Africa, I would have had to hire a guide to take me into the bush, where I would have stayed in a mud hut. I would have traveled days to mail even a letter, and I would have been very isolated.
Now, I don't always get electricity, and by American standards I am very poor. But I have internet. I can Skype with my family, and see their faces. I can send endless emails, and look up Facebook to see what is going on in the social world. I can meet other white people in my city, and eat at American cafes. Going out to the village takes an hour by taxi, and even there we have solar lighting. I have a cell phone. I have a laptop. I have DVDs :) Thank Jesus for all the little things that make my life easier!

Next time I post, I will be in Uganda!! If you are reading this before then, I have a few prayer request specifically for traveling...
1. That I would feel God with me, and not feel so isolated (I always get super lonely when I am traveling)
2. That my travels would go smoothly. That my bags would arrive with me, and that my flights are all on time. 
3. That God gives me peace during this transition time. He wants me to do this, and I am not brave enough on my own. That my anxiety would be low, and I would be calm and have peace about leaving my family.

Thanks to everyone reading this that prays for me- it really means a lot that I am supported, and that I have this wonderful community!

God Sees

   Recently a 19 yr old girl from my church and college community went missing. Its been devastating searching for her, and I cannot even report a happy ending (yet). I don't know when she will be found, or what state she will be in- I cannot see her, or know what she is thinking. What I can see is the loss this is for her family and our community. I can see the toll its taking on everyone, worrying and wondering and praying. But it has been an amazing blessing to see everyone show up to support her family, and to search. People have been searching, hiking in dense brush for her day and night. The prayer community is even larger; prayer warriors from all over are lifting this up to our God constantly. There are SO many people who desperately want her home, and who will not stop looking until she is safe.
   Its been hard for me on two levels. I want her home and found too- I am praying and searching. But on another level, in 6 days I will be joining a group of kids nobody misses. My boys are younger than 19, and more broken. They come from tragic situations and face the streets. Outside A.P.I. and a few other ministries, not one person cares about them. They are a problem. They are unwanted. Nobody from their families forms search parties to bring them back. Nobody in their villages calls for the government to care (not that the government would EVER care even if that happened). I look at the unending, ever expanding search and network of people who are looking for this one precious girl to come back... and yet thousands upon thousands of kids go missing every day. Nobody notices, and life moves on.
   What would the world look like if when every child went missing, we put out this kind of effort? What if we never stopped until they were safe? What if we really prayed (like my community is praying right now) for each of those kids? What if race didn't matter, and we honestly treated them all the same? My boys were once in families like this girl- maybe loved maybe not, but they belonged somewhere. There is a saying, it takes a village to raise a child. Therefore, it takes a village to loose/ kill one (taken from When Invisible Children Sing).
   Here is the great news- God cares. We have a Father who NEVER stops searching, trying to bring back His children (no matter how old they are). He never looses them, or forgets them. He never ceases trying to save them, and bring them to safety. He will never stop until this beautiful girl in my church is found, just like He will never stop until my boys are safe. Because He cares for all His children :)

Sacrifice

sac·ri·fice/ˈsakrəˌfīs/

Noun:

An act of slaughtering an animal or person or surrendering a possession as an offering to God or to a divine or supernatural figure.

So the next 12 days are going to be really hard for me. If you think of it, I could use some extra prayers- I need some divine peace :) I keep thinking of all the people I need to say goodbye to, and all the things I am letting go of (like my pets) and its breaking my heart. I love my boys, and my job, and Uganda, but I love this too. I love my jeep, and my house and America. I love my friends and family more than words, and I am going to miss them like crazy. I am grieving the loss of this time, and these relationships, because no matter what they will change. People change, and life goes on, and I will never come back to this place in time again. I know that God has blessed me with friendships that will endure, but I won't be around for a lot of births and weddings, and its sad. My anxiety level is rising, and the hardest part is yet to come.

I recently read a quote about sacrifice in a book I am reading. The author is saying "sacrifice isn't sacrifice until it hurts". He is is so right! Humans don't like to surrender anything. Its hard to give up something, especially something you love. I keep thinking about Jesus, and his final moments in the garden. His whole life he knew what his purpose was, and he was willing to follow. He found joy in being able to serve God. He knew the importance of his choice, and he was going to do it out of love, because in fact he loved us too much to make another choice. Now, my life isn't on the line, and I am not about to make the biggest sacrifice ever made, but again get that glance into what Jesus was thinking.

He loved us, and because of that love he was bound to his choice. He would never have been happy if he hadn't made it. I love my boys, and so I could never really turn away from them. He also probably didn't realize how hard actually surrendering to God was going to be; we know from scripture that he was in so much anguish over his choice that he actually cried blood. That is not a picture of a man making a peaceful and joyous sacrifice. So while I know the choice I am making is right, its not easy. While I know it is what I was put on this earth to do, it isn't  perfect. Now its my turn to really sacrifice my life up to God, because this time it hurts. This time it takes true trust in His plan, and true surrendering of my own.

I have been listening to a worship song (Revelation Song) that says
"Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God almighty,
 Who was, and is, and is to come
 With all Creation I sing;
 Praise to the King of Kings
 You are my everything
 And I will adore You"
The end there- and I will adore you- keep striking me. Its a statement, but its also a command. I will adore You. Even when its hard, or I am struggling. I will adore my King, because He is worthy always. I will continue to sing His praise, no matter what. So I am sacrificing, and its going to get harder before it gets better. But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. Its going to bring God glory, and therefore it will bring me joy.

I will adore You

You know you're a missionary when...

- you come home every day with a “dust tan”

- you see something on the wall, and you wonder if it was a cockroach or a gecko. No matter what it was, it doesn’t frighten you anymore

- you save every plastic container you get, and recycle almost everything

- you find yourself feeding random street dogs rather than letting food go to waste

- you can accomplish almost any household fix with tape

- a knife is no longer just a kitchen utensil, it is a magic multipurpose tool with a +100 uses

- Skype is a huge financial blessing

- its not worth wasting drinking water on brushing your teeth

- your sheets are damp because they got caught in a sudden rain storm and didn’t dry before bed (the same thing can apply to clothing)

- you have a preference about how bugs are cooked

- you know all the songs at church, but don’t understand what the words mean

- you set aside a 4 hour time chunk for going to the bank


I know there are many more, and that some of these only apply to being in Africa. But being in America makes me realize all the fun things I’ve learned to think of as normal :)

White Flag

There is a song by Chris Tomlin called White Flag. The lyrics go...
"We raise our white flags We surrender all to you all for you. We raise our white flag The war is over love has come, Your love has won"
  Throughout my decision to move to Uganda, I've faced some serious disapproval. And although I really am safe where I am going, and not afraid at all, I want to set the record strait. 

The truth is that I find total purpose and joy in serving Him and my kids. But even if I didn't, I would still do it. Why? Well, I call myself a Christian. I say I serve the Lord. God says that following Him means giving up everything. It means selling all you have, and dropping what you're doing to run after Him. This weekend at the College Life retreat, our speaker talked about serving God- understanding how big He is, and how unbelievable His love is. If we REALLY understood that, then its worth it all. If I really believe what I say I believe, then I need to put it ALL on the line. If my God is as big as I say He is, then nothing about me or myself is more important than bringing Him glory. 
My comfort is not more important.
My family is not more important.
My safety is not more important. 
Even my life is not more important. 

I want to go all or nothing for this King that I call my Father. I want my everything to hinge on belief in Him. I want to show people that I think He is worth risking it all for. There is no warm for Christ; He calls us to be cold or hot, but not warm. He says He will spit out what is warm- those are harsh but truthful words. I try and imagine what Jesus would say to me if I stayed. If I settled down and had a few kids, got a private practice in Counseling, and just went to church on Sundays, what would that say about what I believed? Now, I know lots of people who are living out their faith by raising children in a godly home and truly love Jesus. I am NOT saying that isn't a ministry in itself. And I am not saying that everyone's calling must be my calling. But what I am asking is what our speaker asked this weekend- if you found out that God wasn't real, and Jesus was a liar, how would your life change? Because if the only thing that changes is that your Sundays free up, there is a problem. If the only problem you run into is that the "foundation for your moral compass" must be redefined, there is something missing. 


Bottom line, I believe what I say, so I'm risking everything. That is why I am putting it all on the line. I am raising my white flag, I surrender all for Christ.